Citation: Rothko. "Euphoria Paranoia: An Experience with 4-Methylmethcathinone (Mephedrone) (exp88191)". Erowid.org. Nov 11, 2010. erowid.org/exp/88191
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
Me and a friend, whom we will call J, had decided to go to a party we had been told about by our friend T. At the party, T offered to procure for us a quantity of cheap mephedrone (also known as mcat, meph, drone and bubble. Despite what the tabloids like to say, I have never, ever heard anyone refer to it as 'meow meow'). I had never tried the drug before, but knew of its effects second hand, and it sounded pleasant enough. I have tried much heavier things so I felt no anxiety in the unknownness of the drug, (this was back when it was still legal) so I agreed to spend the evening on it with them. This is an account of the next 24 hours or so.
Note: the times here are rough approximations made in retrospect and are in no way scientific or methodological.
T +0:00 We had arrived while the party was beginning to wind down, so J and T left to pick up, and I waited. When they came back, almost everyone had gone, and we moved next door to T's flat, accompanied by H, a girl from the party. We had two grams each at £15 per gram. I racked up a (roughly) 150mg line and dosed. The burning sensation was higher than everything I had experienced before aside from ketamine, and I started to develop a dripping, runny nose quite quickly.
T +0:05 I begin to come up almost immediately, first a warm sensation spreading outward from my spine, then a stimulant buzz slightly similar to cocaine, but not nearly as strong, at least yet.
T +0:010 I quickly became animated and lively, talking a mile-a-minute with the three people around me, we put on some dubstep and had a little dance. I began feeling euphoric, empathetic and happy. These were great people. The music was wonderful. It was almost like MDMA but again much less powerful.
T +0:15 I started to notice my mouth was exceptionally dry, it seemed no amount of water would satisfy my thirst, but I didn't mind. I was enjoying myself immensely.
T +0:25 The high reached what I thought (at the time) would probably be its peak around this point, and I have heard about how short-acting mephedrone is, so I rack up some more lines, this time about 250mg worth. The urge to re-dose was very strong, I found myself tempted to do even more, but held back for fear of running out before the others. I didn't want to have to endure a comedown in the company of people who were still up. Still, it was decidedly moreish.
T +0:40 I feel the beginning of the trough from the first dose, but it merges into the coming-up from the second, and I am tempted to do more but again hold back. It is only around 2am now, and I dont want to burn out too soon. This is pleasant, definitely a ++, maybe +++. I feel a strong sense of empathy for my friends, a great sense of love. We talk vibrantly and hug each other and tell each other how wonderful they are. I put on the song 'My Girls' by Animal Collective, and feeling free from inhibition, begin to dance wildly and sing along, alternately jumping around the room and then flowing like a wave, slowly grooving to the music which seemed at this point unbearably beautiful.
T +1:40 We continue much in this fashion for some time, every time feeling the slow eddies of euphoria dim and then swell again as we dose more. My lines have gotten bigger, too. This is definitely a drug to watch if you find yourself easily addicted to simple pleasures. I have also begun to notice some slight visual hallucinations; objects in my near-field of vision seem to jitter and vibrate rapidly, and light and colour seems enhanced slightly.
T +2:30 I'm nearing the end of my two grams, and by now I am so far off baseline I have decided this is my new favorite drug. Cheap, social, energetic and euphoric. We dont want to quit yet, so T calls his dealer and we nip down to pick up another two grams each. Around this time I notice I have a nosebleed, which insufflation normally doesn't cause for me. I am so thirsty at this point I wander happily into someone's front garden and drink from their ornamental fountain. It tasted oddly good, and seemed more refreshing than tap water or beer.
T +4:30 The process of the first two hours was repeated pretty much identically. In this period I was basically constantly up, and greatly elated, but now at around six/seven o'clock we run out, and the comedown begins. It picks up momentum very rapidly, and soon we start feeling depressed at the loss of such transcendental joy, then depressed in general. J displays an odd lethargy that I am jealous of. He is soon sleeping in a corner
T +5:00 I feel emotionally and physically drained, but unable to sleep. Without the respite, or even the possibility of, unconsciousness, the comedown is almost unbearable. With J asleep, the remaining three of us feel alienated from each other where before we were one, and a dense cloud of silence descends. We soon agree we cannot abide it, and decide to get some more. I figure we can ride back up from the comedown easily on such a quick-acting drug. However, this entails waiting until T's dealer is awake and willing to supply us. It wont be for another couple of hours, so in the meantime we clean up T's room to occupy ourselves and divert some of the frantic negative energy possessing us, but it only serves to alienate us further, each concerned with his tasks and ignoring everyone else. I feel I need music to relax, but T insists on silence, which I find oppressive and inhibitive to an easier comedown. Around this point I start to gurn relentlessly, and my nosebleed and dehydration worsens, or seems worse in the new mood.
T +7:00 Finally we call T's dealer and arrange to meet, but the place is much further than before, and now it seems so cold outside. A February frostiness we didn't notice in the warm glow we carried with us before, but which now stabs us and slowly numbs our hands and feet. The half-hour long journey down is torturous. Nobody speaks. I try singing lightly to heighten the mood, but I feel awkward and soon stop. J decided he is tired and peels away for home, and I feel bad because his presence was a tonic the night before. J is a lovely guy in most circumstances, but on empathogen-like drugs he becomes a big ball of happy, and I was disappointed he wouldn't be there to help me out of the comedown.
T +10:20 We waited around for a long, long time in the cold to get our gear (another two grams each). T's guy was very late, and the whole thing was quite an ordeal, and when we finally arrive back, we cant wait to start dosing again. Immediately, though, things aren't quite the same. My first line and the come-up is tempered and sullied by the underlying depression, which refuses to be washed away by the new tide of mephedrone. There is a distinct sense that we are chasing an unattainable first high, and I'm not sure whether to take a lot now and try and rip myself out through brute force, or leave it and wait for the comedown to ease before I start dosing again. On one hand, I have no idea how long the comedown will last, and it is very unpleasant. On the other hand, T is having people round tonight, and one of them is a girl I have a thing for, so I am desperate to reach the same level of euphoria and inhibitionless freedom I had the pervious night, and that wont happen if I blow the lot before the evening even starts. I reluctantly decide to wait, and T does the same.
T +12:00 The last few hours were unpleasant, but at around 2pm I finally fall asleep. It has been half a day since we started.
T +18:00 I am woken at around eight o'clock, and to my amazement the comedown hasn't lessened at all. I feel equally awful and not one bit rejuvenated by sleep. It also occurs to me that I haven't eaten since the day before, but I have no desire to do so. In fact I feel slightly queasy, in a gassy bloated kind of way, and in the politest possible way I report that most noxious fumes began to emanate from my person. My nosebleed had stopped though. I decide to eat something to inject some energy into my body, and we smoke some weed, which seems to ease the tension. T is in a light mood, which I find both encouraging and irritating.
T +18:30 People start to arrive and we begin dosing again. I feel a little better. My first line of the day doesn't rush on with the manic energy of the first yesterday, but eases up on me, slowly loosening me from my anxiety.
T +19:00 A small social gathering has congregated, and I'm feeling better, but I perceive again an underlying current of negativity flowing beneath the high, and I dont get nearly as euphoric now. I'm feeling mostly the stimulant effects, but I am on the whole released from the comedown.
What follows is an account of the rest of the night. I wont try to number it all with times, because truthfully I have no idea when things occurred after about ten o'clock. The night began well, everyone was happy and the music was good. However, after a short while T began to irritate me. This had started in small ways while coming down, but I had put it down to my own sour mood. Now, I noticed in him a definite desire to mock or joke at the expense of others; a malevolent air began to surround him in my mind and I started to dread his presence. I also perceived him as a direct threat sexually. The girl I was interested in had arrived, and in my mind he seemed to monopolise her company. I even started to see in her glances a mocking, taunting tone, as if she were saying 'you like me, but your out of luck because I like him better. Loser'
I started having quite paranoid thoughts. I interpreted in the looks between others an complicity in some kind of plan that excluded me. I would see two people catching eyes and I could almost see it pass between them, the co-acknowledgment of some scheme that could not be voiced out loud because I was in the room.
The night wound down. I had become silent and sullen, sat on the bed trying not to catch anybody's eyes. I felt ridiculous, like everyone around me was so much more knowledgeable and experienced than me, and I was so beneath them. A great wave of self-consciousness and self-loathing began to overcome me. I resented everyone in the room for being so obviously cooler and smarter than I was. After some time, H announced she was tired. By now our numbers had dwindled to five people, me, T, H and two girls, one being the girl I liked. We left the room, I was showed by H to a room opposite the hall and I lay on the bed, unable to sleep.
After about half an hour of this, I decided I needed some company, so I went out, listened in the hall, and hearing voices from H's room, knocked and waited. There was fumbling from inside, panicked rushing about, and then the door opened. They looked flustered, like they had tried to hide something in a hurry before I came in. Nevertheless, I told them I couldn't sleep and they invited me in. I spent half an hour in there, seeing the same coded glances and half-suppresed giggles at a shared secret, and I think I even heard sounds from the wardrobe. Their conversation felt forced, like in school, when you would quickly pretend to be taking about your work when a teacher walks behind your back, and then go back to talking about something else. I left without a word, feeling unwelcome.
Walking back across the hall, a sudden wave of panic hit me. I was unable to bring myself to go into my room. I felt a tremendous negativity from it; it was a consummation of my exclusion. Instead I sat down outside. I was told afterward that I sat there for around five hours. I had no idea of the time, but I do remember various things. I heard voices from H's room, which I strained to hear but couldn't quite make out. I convinced myself that T had been hiding in the wardrobe, and they were having some kind of orgy and I wasn't invited. I started having auditory hallucinations, hearing the sound of wings flapping behind my head and high pitched voices. I was convinced they were watching me from the spyhole in the door. I learned later there were, in fact, no spyholes in the doors at all.
I didn't sleep, but after the five hours (?) I left, and the comedown lasted a further few days, in which I felt decreasing amounts of depression and anxiety. In conclusion, the initial high was wonderful, but I lacked the self-control to properly limit my dosage, and over the course of the whole 24 period I insufflated 6 grams. This, and the first comedown, I believe to be the causes of my unpleasant experience. I would recommend this drug only in smaller doses, and even then, I wouldn't suggest it. I will stick to MDMA in the future. I hope this has been of help to anyone unfamiliar with this very new drug. If anyone reading this tries or has tried it, and has an experience worth sharing, I urge you to do so. We should try and maximise the information, even anecdotal, about new drugs like mephedrone.
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