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Loss of Self
Ketamine
by urbanshaman
Citation:   urbanshaman. "Loss of Self: An Experience with Ketamine (exp87516)". Erowid.org. Aug 4, 2017. erowid.org/exp/87516

 
DOSE:
  repeated insufflated Ketamine (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 6 st


I moved to university being a drug user who could live my life well whilst taking drugs recreationally, being healthy and living what people would call a “normal” life with big prospects ahead of me. I had heard about ketamine and wanted to try it. After the first few time of taking it I was a fan and found that my tolerance rose dramatically. I eventually decided to quit uni and moved into a squat with fellow ketamine fiends.

Over the course of a year I dread to think how much I took but after six months a gram line wouldn’t touch me and I found myself taking about ten grams a day. My weight dropped from 9 ˝ stone to 6. My personal hygiene was not an issue for me anymore and I was being taken advantage of by the squatters that I had moved in with. I sold the majority of my possessions to feed my habit and lost all of my family and friends.

The first time I had ketamine kramps I thought I was dying.
The first time I had ketamine kramps I thought I was dying.
I had never experienced a pain like it, and as my “friends” were so ketted they could do little to help me. Having no phone to ring an ambulance I screamed in pain for what seemed like forever, I pissed blood and was sweating and shaking profusely. This carried on for another six months, I was heavily deluded and thought I was living the life. Luckily I was found by an old friend who took me and helped me get of it.

It has been a year since this and mentally I’m almost there. I can feel happy and my ability to socialise and work is coming back. I have regular flashbacks, anxiety, panic attacks and low self esteem. Physically my weight's increased by half a stone however, I have constant indigestion and get bad cystitis, some of my teeth have fallen out due to my poor personal hygiene and my hair is going grey from stress.

I always considered myself a clever girl and thought I was gonna go far. I was told ketamine wasn’t addictive, had little side effects and was practically harmless but it destroyed my life for a year and a half. I’ve learnt from my mistake and don’t have regrets. I hope that someone will read this and see how dangerous this drug can be, because they might not be as lucky as I was.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 87516
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 18 
Published: Aug 4, 2017Views: 499
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Ketamine (31) : Not Applicable (38), Post Trip Problems (8), Addiction & Habituation (10), Health Problems (27), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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