Citation: Snoe. "Exhaling Into the Universe: An Experience with DMT (exp87447)". Erowid.org. Jan 14, 2014. erowid.org/exp/87447
This was a trip report I wrote for my friends, and I'm passsing it on now to the Nexus:
What do I mean by exhaling into the universe?
Literally exhaling my mind, soul, and body into and throughout the universe.
I had my first breakthrough on DMT. I had gotten a gram of it and have had countless experiences of what most would call intense visuals and mind trips for my personal self and I've also experienced the gift of giving and sharing these experiences with others amongst me.
I mostly did what I called 'microdosing', meaning I and others would continuously consume only enough to have a layer of the energy, peace, beauty, and serenity of DMT take over our body and ambiance and surroundings for as long as felt right (30 minutes to an hour usually); mind you a full blown spice trip lasts about 10 minutes. Those moments shared are unparalleled by anything else you could experience when in the right mindset with the right friends and mentality. The room we're in and the current reality becomes engulfed in textures and fractals that dance all around us; colors and shapes take over; everything in the universe feels ok and at peace; everything is just beautiful and we're sharing this moment with a friend or two.
Doing this alone eventually got boring and uninteresting at one point, honestly. I could have my whole room transforming and come out to me, but I was completely indifferent to it; I was unaffected and unphased emotionally; I just felt nothing, didn't care, and just wanted it to go away because it was just irrelevant in a way. DMT had lost its magic.
My wish, however, was to have at least one true breakthough for my last remaining dose of the gram because I wanted to experience Deemster to its full potential.
Last night at 3:00 AM, I decided to have a session with 4 friends and finish off my last bits of DMT from the gram I had gotten. I didn't have much left and I knew my chance of having a final breakthrough wasn't going to happen but giving others the opportunity to try this substance is something I take great pride in. The plan was to microdose so everyone could get the chance to experience and enjoy the visuals and beauty of spice. These are people that have only smoke weed in the past; they're jumping from just weed to the absolute most powerful psychedelic in the world. It's quite the jump, but it's also why I do this microdosing technique, so others aren't overwhelmed by its effect, though it's hard to avoid that scary sensation when you've never experienced anything close to it. We had a couple couches and all the lights off with a large, orange lava lamp in the center, giving the room a deep glow and aura. The atmosphere was created by a very serene and calm nature sound track that greatly adds to the ambience.
Out of the four friends there, two enjoyed multiple microtrips; very beautiful, under control in the sense that they weren't panicking, and just an all around great experience for them for the night. One other friend supposedly didn't feel anything. I think it's fear of the substance's power and a mental block that didn't let him achieve any more than a slight sensation. He often refused to keep dosing and tried to avoid any further hits for the night, but then came back to it and then quit again. I sense fear, but only that person knows what's going on in them. My last friend, the most wacky one, begged for more and more as he heard of my microdose and the others' experiences during the night; he ended up experiencing more than he bargained for. His night ended quite intensely from what it seemed; he refused to tell us exactly what happened, but he insisted he was ok. He dosed, tripped, and then laid shedding tears for the rest of the night.
After one beautiful microdose trip, and the pipe going around again, I took the last heavy hit of the night, though the bowl had already been lit previously twice by those before. Here's the beauty of DMT, if one wants to perceive it this way. It can surprise me when I least expect it. Dose size doesn't really always matter; a 30mg trip can be as powerful as a 100mg trip.
And that's how it happened.
My wish was fulfilled.
As I held my inhalation, I could tell there was something different about it this time; something more intense, further than just the layer of visuals that usually consume me. The tight, drowning sensation in my lungs and chest from holding my breath for so long sank away; I don't remember exhaling the hit.
My body tingled. It began to vibrate. It became as light as ever. It was like a rush of wind and air flowed through me and then it just ripped me out of my body; I could literally feel myself fall and fly out of my physical. Someone in the room in this reality asked, 'Did you break through?' and I scoffed mockingly and asked myself as if it were a stupid question 'Did I break through? Did I break through?' Haha...there was an internal acceptance to the answer: no words, but a yes...a very clear yes. I had been waiting for this for so long; I had been so eager, yet so fearful to come this far and here I was. I started saying, 'This is it! This is it!'
That's when all this reality, this humanity, this earth, everything as we know now, did not exist any further. I was taken away completely and absolutely from this existence. I had no eyes; no open eyes, no closed eyes, no nothing. My vision was completely consumed. What I saw, was as real as the computer screen you're looking at right now.
I was put into an infinitely tall room that was all black and white in the pattern of a checker board with this creature staring at directly into my eyes. It was a reptilian-like life with a tail and very big eyes, inches from my face, looking at me with a very devilish smile; it was almost invisible, looking nearly perfectly camouflaged with the black and white checkerboard surrounding. As it looked at me, I don't know if it was the one that asked me, or if it was an internal question coming from me, but something asked, 'Are you happy? Are you happy now?' In other words, was I satisfied with what a breakthrough was? Was I satisfied that I finally had a breakthrough? I said, 'Yes...yes, I'm always happy' and that was one of those key moments in that, when I said I'm always happy, I meant it in that I always want to be happy; we should always be happy; life is meant to be enjoyed and to be happy; I see myself as a happy person and I'm seen as a happy person from many people and I want to be that happy person.
I looked down the checkerboard pathway and was in total shock and awe. I released a slow, deep, serene, airy, and god-like voice that just said 'Whoa...' There is no way to express the feeling of realizing what's going on and there is no more adequate situation to genuinely mean and use the word whoa.
However, this is when fear took over. An intense, deep, and genuine fear when I realized that I had absolutely no control over what's happening; a fear I've never felt before. It registered that I was taken away from reality; I was in shock and I wanted to come back. I was scared...very. I fought back with this other reality to come back to this reality, so I somehow managed to stand up from the couch; to keep some kind of sense with Earth. I managed to get up and that's when one of the most intense things that's ever happened to me occurred.
I stood up, I looked down at the floor and there was nothing. There was nothing below me. There was nothing above me. There was nothing around me. No ground, no floor, no ceiling, nothing. I was floating in a dark, vast place of infinite dimensions.
I was floating in the center of the universe.
Thinking about this now and writing about it instills an uneasiness about me.
Though there was no physical me, I looked around, raised my arms by my sides and took in the absolute most profound deep breath one could ever take; I didn't have a diaphragm; a breath so deep, so replenishing, so clean, so pure, so ravishing through my whole body, that it went beyond being any physical breath I could ever take. It cleared my physical being, I could feel the rush of it through my back. The air was rushing through nothingness, but through me. I'm not religious, nor do I believe much in God, but the best way to put is: this inhalation was as if God had breathed in through me.
And with inhalation comes exhalation...Exhaling into the universe.
I wish I could convey this exhale.
I wish I could explain what it felt like.
I wish everyone could see and understand what it was like.
I dropped my arms and the breath released me. It cleaned me. It echoed through me and through the universe forever. It filled the vastness around me. A breath so powerful I could blow the earth and this solar system across the universe. The breath was almost mechanical. It sounded unreal. It is a sound that could never be recreated nor could it ever be possible to hear on this earth or this reality.
I would've done this forever, but with each breath there was an intense and profound fear. It was as if a God was in my body performing these actions for me. With each breath, I wasn't sure I would be ok, in a sense. With each breath, I was reminded the vastness I was floating in. With each breath, I was reminded of the infinite and overwhelming power I was consumed in.
My fear throughout this trip, my wanting to stay in this reality, kept me grounded after these breaths. I walked to my room, still in another reality practically, and I stood at the doorway where the source of the beautiful ambient music was playing. My room was not my room; there was a blue hue and tint over everything and there were no singular objects that were recognizable. I stood at the doorway and I can't remember much at this point, because it was just my mind racing at a thousand miles an hour. I remember experiencing an extremely intense sense of happiness. A happiness beyond any ecstasy I've taken. I finally broke and started bawling tears. I grabbed my face, I put my hands in my mouth, I grabbed my body, I felt it, I embraced it fully. I couldn't believe everything that had just happened.
It felt like a rebirth.
After standing at the door way for some time, not really remembering much of what happened there, I walked back to the living room where my four friends had all been watching me the entire time. I sat down in the chair, I calmed down, and took it all in. There were images and faces dancing on the carpet floor that relaxed me. I was dripping in sweat and tears. I felt like I had just gone on the most intense emotional roller coaster, like I was just thrown across the universe, and now I was back. I was recollecting myself.
I couldn't grasp the idea of everything I had just seen, everything that had just happened. There was just no way. There's no way. There is no way.
Everything I had just experienced was beyond anything my mind could even imagine. I had certain images stuck in my head that would bring back tears in an instant. I wanted everyone to know, to understand, what it was that I saw. I want everyone now to know and understand what I saw because it is just so inconceivable.
I began apologizing to all my friends for exposing them to this insanity, for having to see me in such a maniacal state of mind and behavior, but I thought, somehow, that it was right and for the best that they saw it. They got to observe someone go through a breakthrough, they got to see what DMT can truly do and that's what most people can't do: respect this substance. It is something so intense that I can't just jump into and I can't really prepare for it in any way, no matter how much drug experience I had.
Now that I've gotten to this stage, it's not something I'll do for fun. After this breakthrough, I don't know if I'll ever go back to this alternate reality. Every DMT trip I've ever done pales in comparison to this breakthrough.
I could not fathom the power of this hallucinogenic until I experienced it. It is an experience so profound it kept me thinking about it for days, and thinking about it brings me back.
I ended the night at 7:30 AM with a roommate of mine, microdosing whatever resin was left in the pipe of DMT and tree. It was a very surreal experience with him and we just spoke about our trips and of other trippy things, like our existence, how we're connected, etc.
It was one of the most intense nights of my life.
If you're reading this, it's because I believe you're beyond the average person and will have a deeper appreciation for it and have a further understanding of the mind. I think most of you should get the chance to experience it once in your life. It's one of those things that's scary and one probably wouldn't do again but is extremely grateful for having experienced it and would never trade it back for anything.
Much love and peace to all.
Peace. Love. Unity. Respect.
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