Citation: Fluffun. "Blasted Into My Own Brain: An Experience with Ketamine (exp87135)". Erowid.org. Feb 17, 2018. erowid.org/exp/87135
||(powder / crystals)
||(powder / crystals)
||(powder / crystals)
I have used Ketamine as a recreational drug for a few years, I first tried it around five years ago at a rave somewhere in Wales. My first experience with Ketamine was not particularly pleasant, I became disorientated and managed to stumble to my friends van before I fell into a deep sleep for around an hour.
After this experience I stayed away from Ketamine for a while until I was offered some for free at another rave about a year later. I took a few smaller doses over the course of the night, and over did it as the sun was coming up. I again fell into a deep sleep but this time the sleep was preceded by mindblowingly beautiful hallucinations. Giant crystalline maps and golden knitted structures, my body fell and twisted through space, but I inevitably fell asleep and forgot much of the feeling and images of ketamine hallucinations.
Then there was last night. I have strived to experience a full on out of body experience with ketamine for the last year or so, but I enjoy its lower dose range too much and always saw this as being the best way to enjoy Ketamine (in a social situation anyway). Yesterday I bought a gram of powdered ketamine from a friend and resolved to try and experience full immersion. I took two small lines in the run up to the experience and experienced mild dissociative effects the first line was around 30-40mg, the second around 60-70mg. I was lying in my bed watching a DVD when I decided to really push it. This is what I experienced.
T+00:00 Cut a rail of Ketamine about two inches long and about half a centimetre thick, estimated at about 120mg. I prepared myself and snorted the powder half the line through each nostril. It burned my nose quite a bit and I settled down to continue watching the DVD on my computer.
T+00:05 I start to feel the first alerts which are rapidly ramping up in intensity, I decided to turn off the computer and the lights to fully enjoy the experience. As I lay back and closed my eyes I felt like I was being crushed, it was an uncomfortable feeling and I had to ground myself by reminding myself where my body was and that it was in no danger. I repeated this as a mantra to myself during the first part of the experience.
T+10:00 I was sucked out of my body through a straw and I saw the house I occupied from the outside. As I floated things began to move very quickly but I held onto that shred of consciousness I still possessed, reminding myself that I was me and that I was in no danger. I could no longer tell where my physical body was, as far as I was concerned my eyes were open and I flew over a huge dark network of synapses all flickering with light blue electricity. I requested things from my trip and got them, for instance when I asked for my common hallucination, the golden sweater (a garment which is spun of pure gold denoting the way your body feels when on K), I received it immediately. Seeing it glowing in front of me before it slipped over my head.
T+? The feeling of a great rotation came over me and the world I inhabited began to revolve slowly above my floating body, I heard strange music that I cannot now remember, I also began to see past experiences with this drug and others and began to examine my career as a substance enthusiast. Looking into my ten year long love affair with cannabis, was it really worth it I asked myself?
T+? Suddenly I became aware of what I can only refer to as the three levels of self indulgence they came to me as words from this giant darkened, flickering structure. The words were EAT. WASTE. RELAX. I began to repeat these words to myself to see if I could draw out the true meaning of what my brain was telling me. Was I doing too much of these things? Or too little? I surmised that it was too much and linked the words to my use of cannabis, and the effects that it has on my life. I resolved at that point to enjoy drugs in moderation and to have a much deeper respect for the great Ketamine.
T+00:45 I became aware of some of my sensations returning and began to open my eyes, it really shocked me that I was still in my room on my bed. I still felt very groggy and when I closed my eyes some residual hallucinations still remained, but nothing distinct. I felt very humbled by this whole experience and resolved never to treat Ketamine as a recreational substance again. My nose was completely blocked and it was very uncomfortable, I spent the final part of the experience trying to clear my nose so that I could comfortably fall asleep.
T+01:00 Some mild residual effects, I fall asleep with about half an hour.
This experience was mind blowing. I can barely put into words what I felt. The hole definitely runs very deep, I feel like I have communicated with the very deepest level of my consciousness.
The hole definitely runs very deep, I feel like I have communicated with the very deepest level of my consciousness.
I am going to try and give up smoking cannabis and I am never going to take Ketamine at a rave again. It's not a party drug, it is truly a tool for self exploration there is no experience in my life that can match up to seeing the true face of your own soul.
It is now a week after the experience, and I still truly feel like I communicated with my own brain and exercised a measure of control over my cannabis use. For the last week it has been the last thing on my mind, I have smoked but only small amounts of weak cannabis and not daily. Maybe it was the ketamine, maybe it was me but I have gone from smoking at least five strong joints every day to smoking almost nothing and I don't feel the unrelenting desire to smoke at every available opportunity…
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