Citation: lilacfairy. "Birthday Gone Wrong: An Experience with Bad/Suspect Ecstasy, Alcohol & Lithium (exp86986)". Erowid.org. Jan 27, 2022. erowid.org/exp/86986
Okay so before we get into the rolling experience, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I’m a spontaneous, outgoing burst of twinkling energy fueled underneath by a dark layer of anxiety. I am known to spin around in circles wildly, get deep into extreme philosophical mystics and encompass the spirit of a child. Yet I wage an inner war with bipolar disorder which may be why my experiences with drugs are so hot and cold because the chemical firings of my brain can cause the same effects that substances do. Because the branches in my brain weave such unpredictable patterns, drugs provide unpredictable outcomes.
I am well-seasoned in the psychedelics, having tried LSD and mushrooms a number of times. Each of these times has given me an incredible life changing wonder, yet every trip has been EXTREMELY different. Different in mood, setting, visuals, emotions. I’ve had my good trips and my bad trips. I’ve had my good days and my bad days.
Ecstasy, on the other hand, has always given me similar effects and emotions. Although the music, people I have been with, place or lighting may have changed per roll, I always seem to experience the same predictable effects: happiness, enthusiasm towards dancing, a fairy-like persona, euphoria, and low to no anxiety at all. The fact that ecstasy dulls down my anxiety is REALLY desirable to me.
So on that note, on my birthday I thought what better way to have a good time then to melt away my fears with my drug of choice? Because ;I was so comfortable with the drug, I feel I lost my sense of awareness towards the dangers.
I was so comfortable with the drug, I feel I lost my sense of awareness towards the dangers.
It had become too familiar that I didn’t take proper precaution to make sure that my mind and body would stay safe.
The first red flag was that my birthday fell in a time of year that is typically a dry season for ecstasy in my area. There’s not a lot of festivals, concerts or big rave scenes in December and many people were out of town with their families for the holiday. Usually I don’t have to look too hard to find X, but at this particular time, my boyfriend T and I had to pull some strings to find it. I have always bought it from trusted friends and known someone who has took the same color pill before I eat it. A friend of a friend sold us 4 pills, and I was astounded to find that they were all different colors. It is so comforting to know that the people you take ecstasy with are taking the exact same pill you are; it is nice to know you are on the same page, that they have the same potency and same amount of whatever it is cut with. But once I saw the pills, I knew we would not be taking ecstasy that was manufactured in the same place.
We shrugged our shoulders and thought, “oh well, at least we got some”. I had never had a negative experience with ecstasy. I didn’t think it was possible to have a bad roll, so I set aside my inhibitions and we both ate a pill. I chose to eat a light blue one first with a picture of a transformer. My boyfriend T ate a dark blue one but I cannot remember the logo on it. We ventured off to go to a place that you can rent a hot tub for an hour while you are outside.
The first pill I took was fantastic! If only I had stopped there. We played around in the bubbles of the hot tub, I could feel each individual sud on my skin. Being December, it felt so good to feel the contrast of the hot water against the cold air. We made love. Several times. Unlike a lot of men, my boyfriend can get an erection and come multiple times on ecstasy without a problem. My boyfriend and I are soulmates. We share every part of our soul with one another. We have no inhibitions with each other when we are sober. Our lovelife without ecstasy is just as fragrant, it is easy to share our lives together. So taking ecstasy only heightens our already established incredible bond. This is why I never take ecstasy without T. Rolling with anyone else would seem fake, unreal, chemical, and fabricated. When we are together on ecstasy, I know it is no fantasy in my head but a love that we already share, only accentuated by a new awareness of the senses. So the hot tubs were glorious. I saw fireworks in every kiss.
We left the hot tubs refreshed, enlightened and comfortable. It was now time to meet a few friends at my favorite bar for a few drinks. I decided not to invite my entire group of friends because I knew I would be rolling. So, some of my close friends stopped by and I enjoyed listening to the live band, drank some beer and observed the crazy antics of the bar acquaintances, fluttering around.
I felt myself start to come down at the bar but in retrospect I believe that the beers I drank temporarily dulled down my ecstasy experience. I falsely thought that I needed to take another pill. It did not occur to me that it had only been 2 hours since I took the first one. We popped our second pill and washed it down with beer. T ate another blue pill, I took what I was saving for last….the purple tulip. There had been rumors that the purple tulip was really good. I looked down on it, there were little speckles of white on the pill.
After we took the pills, we decided to take a walk downtown where there lies a huge beautiful park. This is a paradise for E-takers because every tree is immaculately decorated with Christmas lights. Some actually move off of the trees like dripping icicles (not as a drug tracer but they look like this to everyone, it’s a special effect). At first I thought the purple tulip must have been really really good because it hit me very quickly. The lights were so luminous and streaked down on to the grass. Everything was so beautiful. I was filled with that warm, christmasy cheer as if I had just drank a cup of hot cocoa with my family. I felt my dad’s energy as he reads “the night before christmas” as tradition. Warm fuzzies galore. I thought to myself, “wow if I feel this great now, the peak will be AMAZING”, because I knew that I hadn’t even scratched the surface of this pill. I had just eaten it about a half hour before the walk in the park.
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
After admiring the lights and each other’s company for a while, and throwing a few snowballs, we jumped back into the car. It was after 2am in the morning on a Tuesday night during a week where most people are with their families inside, so the streets were almost COMPLETELY empty. I only remember seeing one car the entire drive home. While driving the red and green of the stop lights rained down on the street and reminded me so much of the Christmas that surrounded us. I’m not usually huge on gaudy christmasy stuff, but it seemed so much more fun and childish at the time. All of a sudden, while driving, I felt a huge knot drop in my stomach. My fun, light-hearted spirit faded very quickly and I was catapulted into a negative spiral of unwelcoming thoughts. Not only did my mind take a sudden turn for the worst, but I began to feel violently physically ill. I pulled over into a gas station parking lot and puked.
It didn’t take long to realize something very bad was happening. I was not feeling myself. The effects no longer felt like ecstasy. My boyfriend was still having the time of his life. He was so euphoric he could not understand what was going on with me. He was not on the same page, he was happy and full of the joy I once had earlier in the night. This depressed me even more because I knew that he couldn’t understand. I realized I was in this alone. If only I hadn’t taken the purple tulip, I thought, if I had just stayed satisfied with the happy feeling I had from the first one?
I asked him to drive. We were 5 blocks away from my house, but I knew that it might be unsafe under the conditions I was in. Suddenly I felt like we were moving 1,000 miles an hour, I asked T to slow down but he said he was going under the speed limit. I felt worried about irritating him or bringing down the good time he was having but I felt myself begin to freak out. We walk into my house, and I was disappointed to see my roommates were still up.
I soon realized that the purple tulip had more in it than just ecstasy. I have done hallucinogens many times and never once have I experienced that kind of sensation on ecstasy. On ecstasy, I get some visuals but they correspond mostly with shapes and colors. On ecstasy, I don’t really “trip” like one does on hallucinogens. I felt like I was on poisoned mushrooms. I became disoriented in my own house, lost in my own familiarity. My roommates faces started melting in the same way that they do on acid. I was absolutley, flabbergastedly, straight-up, hallucinating. I saw worms and black clouds fall out of my roommate’s mouth and his teeth crumbled apart and fell to the ground. All my visuals were scary, unpleasant and disorienting. T could not figure out what was going on. He couldn’t understand why I was having such a rough time. My bad trip almost seemed to annoy him. But looking back on it, how could I blame him? How could he understand the seriousness of the situation if his mind flew to rainbows and joy as mine fell to destruction and fear? He had no sense of the reality I was going through.
I got to a place I did not want to be. T was begging me to come to bed with him and cuddle with him. He was offended I wouldn’t show affection. He was rolling and wanted to feel my body and my hair and my love. I couldn’t give that to him because I was tripping so hard. I realized I needed to lessen the effects. I went downstairs and tried to haphazardly make myself a cocktail. A strong one. I guzzled it down but felt so sick I could barely finish it. Nothing, not even alcohol could prepare me for what would come next.
I came back upstairs and realized that nothing felt familiar. My own room, my clothes, even the love of my life all felt so foreign….I started saying, “I wanna go home”, and T would worriedly say, “but you are home”. The more I seemed to disassociate from reality, the more it seemed to bother him.
I started saying, “I wanna go home”, and T would worriedly say, “but you are home”. The more I seemed to disassociate from reality, the more it seemed to bother him.
Because he was feeling so connected to me, it was a real mind-fuck for him to see me so unable to look him in the eyes.
I can’t remember much of the next 2 or 3 hours, but I feel like I went down the rabbit hole. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced on shrooms or acid. It was just so….wrong.
I was jolted back into reality by sharp pains in my stomach and an unwavering headache. There was not only an adulterant in the purple tulip that caused hallucinations, but I was having a terrible physical reaction. I became very very very ill. I was no longer hallucinating, I was in excruciating physical pain. My stomach felt like it was being chopped into a million pieces. The room looked like my own again, but my body felt like a war veteran. I started dry heaving. With each heave, my stomach only grew sicker. I tried to eat a piece of bread and realized I was unable to swallow solid food. I tried to drink water but it was excruciating to swallow. I couldn’t keep anything down. My skin looked pale and clammy. I laid in the fetal position on the ground rocking my aching body. I felt as if I might die there. The muscles in my body tensed due to dehydration. My heart raced. I looked in the mirror, my eyes were the size of saucers and my face was as white as a ghost. My hands were shaking uncontrollably.
I moaned and writhed on the ground. T tried to settle me down but did not realize the seriousness of the situation. Finally, I mutttered, with the only energy I had left, “I need to go to the hospital”, but he couldn’t take me due to the position he was in. He was rolling hard but not having any of the negative side effects that I did, must have been because of we took different pills. I was too afraid to tell my roommates I was sick and by this time it was 6 or 7am and they had all gone to bed. I was terrified. I thought I was going to die. But I had to wait it out. I laid on the ground with excruciating stomach pain for several hours before it subsided.
I was nauseous for days, and I didn’t feel myself for a week.
I really should have gone to the hospital. I still regret it to this day. After coming down and looking back, I think I had a crazy reaction to the combination of alcohol, 2 different color pills that were probably cut with two different things, along with the lithium I was taking at the time as a routine prescription. As for the hallucinations, I had NO idea what was in the purple tulip.
Bottom line is, always buy from people you know WELL, make sure that it is of a variety that you KNOW people have tried and had a good experience with and never ever ever ever ever ever mix pills.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.