Citation: Tweeknot. "Adderall Is Merely a Horrible Memory: An Experience with Armodafinil (Nuvigil) (exp86384)". Erowid.org. Jan 5, 2017. erowid.org/exp/86384
Modafinil/Nuvigil for Amphetamine Addiction
I am a 44 year old woman who has suffered from dysthymia/atypical depression for my lifetime. Much of this is genes, much is ptsd-related from a chaotic childhood marked by episodic violence, abuse and forced isolation. I was not treated or diagnosed until the age of 24 and by that time had developed an addiction to addiction characterized by the compulsion to act out on any desire and make a habit of any action that resulted in feeling better than where I started, which wouldn't take much.
Being a proud addict and having my limits, I did not resort to street drugs (truthfully I didn't have the balls to go to unseemly places to procure them); instead I found it much more tasteful and convenient to abuse prescription drugs. I should add here that I did find some relief from my mood disorder from Prozac which was the first drug I was ever prescribed and which I take to this day.
But after embarking on a weight loss through chemistry protocol via diet pills, the real adventure began. Minutes after swallowing my first phentermine pill, I felt a euphoria that was at once utterly foreign to me and at the same time familiar. Like coming home.
It took years but it eventually escalated to Dexedrine and Adderall, landing me in a 90 day rehab which I gladly completed as the alternative was 18 months in a federal penitentiary for prescription forgery. I did 12 step recovery for some years, got married, realized many of my goals and aspirations, stopped 12 stepping but remained abstinent (mostly) and then...the inevitable.
The inevitable was a 2 year daily use of avg dose of 300 mg Adderall taken daily. It did not take long for my work, parenting, homemaker performance to deteriorate and ultimately I found myself in that all too familiar crisis--down to the last pill. There were no more doctors to call. No more lies to tell. No more pharmacies I could visit in the state without risking another felony charge. The jig was up and I drove myself to detox. I ended up in that detox 3 times over the next 3 months, bewildered, confused and contemplating suicide for the first time in my miserable life.
I had done some research and came across a cocktail that some opioid/opiate addicts use for an easier withdrawal at home. One of the ingredients was modafinil. Since withdrawal from Adderall was characterized by a horrendous crash and crippling depression and fatigue for weeks after stopping, I was intrigued.
Upon entering the detox ward for the last time I pleaded with the doctor there to take a chance on me and prescribe me Provigil. I reasoned that if opiate addicts were given methadone or suboxone without a 2nd thought, why couldn't a speed freak have a protocol as well?
He agreed and I am grateful to him to this day. As I write this, I take 500 mg of Nuvigil daily and Adderall is merely a horrible memory of itchy skin and sore jaws.
It has not been easy and is still not easy to find a practitioner who will prescribe for me as I do not have any of the 'on label' conditions that warrant its use. And then, I require a higher dose than the standard, I assume because of my inhuman tolerance for amphetamine. But I do well on double the normal dose. There is no euphoria and I don't the creative rushes that I had before and I miss them. I also am a committed 12-stepper because I know that I cannot rely fully on a pill to cure me when that pill can be withdrawn anytime. But I believe this pill is a miracle for me when combined with fluoxetine and I thank God for that doctor who was willing to take a risk in order to save a life.
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