Citation: Psycho Hippie. "Thought I Wasn't Coming Back: An Experience with Ayahuasca (exp86104)". Erowid.org. Jun 19, 2016. erowid.org/exp/86104
My boyfriend, my best friend, and I decided to brew Ayahuasca and take it so we could get our weekly fill of inner-exploration. It was around 8pm and all three of us decided to take our 4 inhibitor capsules and our shot glass of tea. Then we went into a bedroom filled with blankets and trip toys to wait for the purge.
After about 25 minutes, my boyfriend started to feel sick, and he vomited. Then about 10 minutes after that, my best friend threw up as well. But not me....I waited and waited and waited. After an hour had passed we all became concerned that I hadn't vomited yet. So my friend and I went to the restroom where I forced myself to throw up. Mind you, I can no longer eat the same meal that I ate before drinking the tea that day, without throwing up!! While I was puking, my friend was staring in the mirror saying her nose was turning orange. Unfortunately, that was as far as her trip would take her. After that point, she didn’t experience ANYTHING else.
After this, my boyfriend and I felt a sort of body high, but that was it. Then by 9:30 his trip had ended….just like my friend’s did. I’ll never understand why. We then went into the living room to watch Futurama. I began to see squiggly lines coming at me from all directions, but I just sat there and stayed quiet. My boyfriend and my friend assumed my trip had ended like theirs did, but they were soooo wrong. Finally, around midnight, my boyfriend and I went into our bedroom and my friend went to sleep on the couch. I noticed I was having trouble walking straight and I was still seeing squiggly lines. This is when I realized something strange was happening and I was still tripping.
I was lying in bed with my boyfriend and he decided he wanted to get intimate. He didn’t realize that I was completely unaware of what was happening. Then right in the middle of our “intimacy” I busted out crying and sobbing. My boyfriend couldn’t understand why I was like this, because he still didn’t know that I was on a trip. Then, after about an hour of crying, things got really bad. I was talking to my boyfriend and then nothing made sense in my head. (I’ll try to explain this part the best I can, but it’s really a bit unexplainable.) I couldn’t think. I was stuck in this sort of insane thought loop thing. My thoughts would not make sense in my head. But apparently when I spoke it did make sense.
My thoughts would not make sense in my head. But apparently when I spoke it did make sense.
I felt like I was a mentally retarded person stuck in a body. I could see the outside world, but I couldn’t communicate with it. Like I said, it was literally an INSANE THOUGHT LOOP!
Finally I was able to get through to my boyfriend that I thought I was permafried. I honestly thought I was going to be stuck in that loop for the rest of my life. I thought I would be in a mental home before long and that I’d die in that condition. Then I felt bugs crawling all over my body. Meantime, I felt like a game of Tetris was going on in my brain. When I say Tetris, I mean it literally…like the game where you stack the blocks together!!! It's very difficult to explain. Then I had to pee so I crawled to the bathroom. When I got there I forgot what I was doing. I sat on the bathroom floor wondering what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t figure out what toilet paper was for or what it was. Then I forgot what I was… and what I was for. I think I thought I was a tile or something…. Finally I remembered how to pee. So I did…and I wiped with toilet paper, but I didn’t remember you were supposed to flush it, so I stuffed it under the sink. Gross, I know….but I really had no control. Then I went back to the bedroom and dripped piss on my boyfriend on accident.
By this point, he knew there was something very wrong. I wanted to go to the hospital, but I couldn’t put my thoughts together well enough to articulate a sentence to tell him. I was freaking out because I thought I was stuck in that condition because it was already 5 am and I’d already been tripping for 9 hours. I wanted to sleep, but there was NO WAY POSSIBLE. My eyes wouldn’t stay shut for more than 2 seconds. My boyfriend fed me some charcoal pills to try and help get the tea outta my system faster, but it didn’t help much. I can literally say I know what it feels like to be mentally insane. I Was stuck on the trip until late afternoon the next day. Then I slept for a few hours and thanked a higher being that I came back.
I’ll never understand why I tripped, but my boyfriend and my friend didn’t. I think it might be because I had serious mental problems when I was younger (age 4-9). But I’ve done more than plenty of hallucinogenics and have never had these kind of problems. I don’t think I’ll be doing ayahuasca again for a long while though. Next time, I might not get so lucky as to come back.
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