Citation: newrainbowchild. "I Was So Pleased With Humanity: An Experience with MDMA (exp85912)". Erowid.org. Oct 23, 2018. erowid.org/exp/85912
||(powder / crystals)
Prior to this experience I have experimented with a variety of other substances. My favorite drugs are the psychedelics and marijuana. I am also a fairly regular stoner. I was under the premise that I had “rolled” three times before this. But the pills must’ve been pretty low quality, they were nothing compared to this.
It all started when I was invited to a huge rave by a new friend I had met at a party in the past weekend. I was really excited because I had searched for the rave scene for years as well as some good molly and has thus far been unable to find either. I didn’t even know that molly existed until the last summer, from Bonnaroo. I live in Houston and another friend of mine told me that he would be getting a new shipment of pure MDMA from California, something I was very much looking forward to.
The day of the rave arrived and the MDMA had not yet, arrived, so I was frantically scrounging for an alternative up to the last minute. I promised myself I wasn’t going to settle for rolls, having a few pretty mundane experiences on them and being ripped off several different times. I got off of work at 8:00 pm and waited for my friends, H, S, and J to come over so we could all leave in my car. J and S were trying to get some other rolls but there didn’t seem to be much hope. H came over, and ended up waiting for S and J for 2 hours, but they were stoned and had gotten in trouble with S’s parents so they ended up not being able to go at all. I started out my journey pissed off
I started out my journey pissed off
because of their unreliability and the fact that we weren’t going to be able to get some molly.
When we got to the rave, which was located at this huge indoor theme park called the Funplex, we met up with H’s sort-of boyfriend, D, and some of his friends. They were drunk and already dancing around a little. I was determined to have a good night sober, despite all the setbacks. I wandered around and was jammin’ a bit, but wasn’t much into it. I decided to try and get some molly right there, asking around a bit. I finally ran into a guy who said he could get me a capsule. I know its dangerous to get drugs from random strangers, but I had a good feeling about the guy. He was rolling himself and told me that he was determined that I would have a good time to. He took me to this room where there was a rollerskating rink and I purchase a white capsule for $20 from his friend. I didn’t want to spend that much, but I was willing to pay it with no other alternative. I immediately swallowed the pill.
During the next hour, I began feeling like I was coming up. Everything felt a little strange, like there was a new perspective and my movements were more pronounced. it was kind of an uneasy feeling, I wasn’t sure what would happen next. Finally, within a second, I was just there. I felt utter joy and happiness in the moment and was ecstatic to be there. I grinned and told H I was finally feeling it. I was so happy and just wanted to dance freely. I was so parched and was also really glad that I had smuggled in my camelbak with 3 liters of water.
About this time, I ran into the guy that was to be my rave buddy for the rest of the night. We just ran into each other and started talking. We learned we had A LOT in common (both half-greek, hippies, love to sing and write poetry, etc.). He was rolling too, and for the first time. Even though this was my 4th time, all my previous experiences were pretty mundane compared to what I was experiencing at the moment. I was so pleased with humanity, with our capacity to love and care for each other, with beauty and art and truth. I felt free and the dancing was unleashing my joy and manifesting it so I could share the experience with everyone. I decided that everyone should try rolling, at least once everyone could feel this way. I understood so much more of my purpose, of what was truly important in my life. I dropped all judgements and personal biases and just delighted to share in the company of my fellow living creatures! It was a beautiful feeling indeed. I expressed my desire to share my experience with H, but I knew she wouldn’t really understand, couldn’t. I loved her so much. She was really my best friend, and she was so loyal to me, promising that she’d stay with me for the duration of the rave.
C, the guy I had met, introduced me to his friends, all of whom were rolling also. There was something so incredibly beautiful about sharing in the experience with all of them.
There was something so incredibly beautiful about sharing in the experience with all of them.
We were all smiling wildly and I knew I loved them also, loved the whole wide world. I also knew they could feel it too, and I rejoiced that they were as happy as I was. I was also really enjoying their company, though I had the urge to stretch and meditate and was generally introverted at this point in my life. I ended up just stretching anyways, and touched me toes effortlessly, holding them for what felt like 5 minutes. This is normally pretty difficult for me and causes pain, but at this point it felt amazing. C asked me if I wanted to go rollerskating with him and I decided it would be fun, although I had never done it before. I got my skates and decided to massage my feet before I put them on. I guess I was holding up my new friends, so they offered to massage my feet for me. I ended up with a guy massaging each of my feet, and it was the best-feeling massage of my life. H and D came up to us after awhile, they informed us that they had finished skating and we had been sitting on the floor for an hour. I couldn’t believe it, it had only felt like 15 minutes max.
Finally we got up and started skating. It felt awesome, gliding across the floor. I had a little trouble because I wasn’t used to it, but C guided me. We had a great time and then rejoined D and H, who were on the dance floor grooving to some hip hop techno beats. The words of the song consisted of “hey bitch get out the way” repeated incessantly. I am very sensitive to the lyrical content of songs, especially when tripping or high, and I began to feel very uncomfortable. I asked my newfound friend, C, to join me in a different room which was filled with an amazing light show.
We continued in this manner for the rest of the night, experiencing different rooms and sensations which were infinitely wonderful in this vision of MDMA bliss. We rode a ferris wheel twice, which was simply amazing and I felt as excited as I had when I had ridden as a child. The whole experience was perfect and I had never before felt so good. One exception was for a moment, in which I became intensely paranoid and felt as though all these new relationships that I had developed under the influence of this drug were fake and everything I was experiencing was a lie. This lasted for less than a minute and then everything returned to bliss again. I danced the night away and at 5 am we decided to leave. I hugged and kissed C goodbye and H and I left to find my car. I was coming down but was still feeling it mildly. I got into my car confident that I could drive but definitely feeling a difference in perception. On the highway, I felt as though I had become ONE with my car, and though I was unable to read the odometer or street signs, I instinctively felt where and how fast to go.
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I arrived at my Dad’s apartment at around 6 and we resolved to crash. I couldn’t sleep for awhile but lay in bed awake for hours before drifting off to sleep.
When I awoke at around 3, I felt refreshed and experienced no adverse after effects or depression. As a matter of fact, I carried an afterglow of warmth and positive feelings towards the world for almost a week after this experience.
Sadly, since this I have rolled about 3 times more, with no comparable results. The molly must have been low quality or badly cut, because my recent experiences haven’t even been very euphoric or fun. I realized that C was not in fact destined to be as close to me as he was that night, and I soon lost touch with him and many other new “friends” I made that night.
I soon lost touch with him and many other new “friends” I made that night.
Raves now seem somewhat fake and bizarre...kids rolling themselves into a fantasy world in a vain attempt to escape troublesome reality. Badly cut pills and unscrupulous greedy dealers have also disillusioned me greatly.
I may roll again, if I can be assured of the quality of the MDMA, but I have seen some of my friends mildly “fried” from too much ecstasy. The question of neurotoxicity is not well enough researched and possible damaging consequences may rule out my desire for future experimentation. I must admit, aside from my current uncertainty, this night was probably the most fun I have ever had.
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