Citation: worn light. "Mind-Ripping Stroll Beyond the Absent: An Experience with Piracetam, Mescaline & Nicotine Gum (exp85617)". Erowid.org. Jun 28, 2021. erowid.org/exp/85617
I'm in good physical health, exercise regularly, walk for 2 hours each morning, eat healthy meals and meditate for at least 30 minutes a day. I have a pervasive developmental disorder am on SSI and have never held a job. I see a psychiatrist once every three months for a status report. No meds are prescribed. I do not interact much with other people. My disposition is generally neutral, sometimes apathetic. I have not been recently depressed. As I write this I am feeling slightly disconnected and experiencing an unusual headache that is probably related to the excessive dose I took.
5/28/2010 10:30 am
I consumed 2 grams of piracetam (taken 3 times a day for the last 3 years for symptoms of PDD < executive function disorder) and what was haphazardly estimated to be between 600mg and 1 gram of mescaline. The mescaline was obtained by complete d-limonene extraction of mescaline acetate from 100 grams of Peruvian torch. The extraction was consumed in its entirety; a tall mound slightly larger than a nickel of an off-white substance. I dissolved the powder in a two ounces of water and drank it. The location was my bedroom in my parents' home with my older brother present in the house and my youngest brother's girlfriend in the adjacent room. I had planned on requesting my brother's assistance should the need arise but had not informed anyone of my intention. My parents were to be away most of the day at a funeral and then leaving for the weekend. My intention was to take the trip in private, if possible.
My motivation for doing this is not entirely clear or compelling in retrospect. I had hoped to learn something about the way things are. I had hoped for the opportunity to see things in a new light. Things look basically the same. Whatever illusions I hold weren't magically shattered by the experience.
I took notes starting approximately 45 minutes after the onset(edited):
1:47 that time dilation set in
must have been a wee bit more than I had thought. just a bit.
hope you don't get hypoglycemic
keep forgetting to breathe or remembering to breathe the lungs wander now they can do their own thing whatever let it go1:58 typing becoming laborious disembodied fingerses reverberating
2:02 must have been at least half a gram in there [(((echo))))]
you need to remember to breathe
or your lungs will just do it for you?
who says they're yours anyway
the discrepency is illusory wave it away
all discernment is illusory
maybe you took just enough
2:09 just tell them you're in a separate reality where their rules don't apply.
[reality-butt-raping intensity & disjointedness ensues]
I stopped typing at this point due to trans-dimensional fluctuations, letters appeared in the wrong order, orientation, and time sequence and it was becoming difficult to correct. I was aware at the time that there wasn't much substance to my notes anyway so it seemed like a wasted effort. I was beginning to disappear.
At 2:15 I took a trip to the basement to seek help from B as reality seemed to be tearing apart, I caught a glimpse of something that might have been profoundly terrifying. I was concerned that this was even before the peak and that it might segue into a bad trip... this was my first serious trip; I had tried shrooms 8-9 years previously but have not used any drugs in the last 7 years. My subsequent condition might have had real-world consequences [should reality see fit to intervene], so I thought that I should make contact with an emissary from reality, while this was still possible, for assistance in case of the unforeseen.
I thought that I should make contact with an emissary from reality, while this was still possible, for assistance in case of the unforeseen.
The basement floor was alive with a network of bleeding, throbbing, blood vessels. I spoke with my brother through intense muddled (subjective) incoherence, reaching into brief pockets of reality, attempting to ground myself only to have that torn away in fiery blasts of delirium, the mind like feathers in a hurricane. We went upstairs to my room to check on my timer. It was about T+2:30, I think. I attempted to explain my intentions in taking the drug, it was difficult to locate the mouth. My explanations were rough, I was unsure of whether I was producing real words or whether I had said them or merely intended or whether they were heard prior to having been said. Whatever intentions I had set out with were by then saturated in mescaline. Nanny B appeared to confirm that words had been said.
We made our way outside, I was dispersing, my brother (B) told me to touch the dog, to feel his heart beating, he was real, to touch a rock, a tree, they were real. He suggested that my mind needed an object to focus on. When not forcefully engaged my sense of being would begin to dissipate and the mind would lapse entirely from any frame of reference. This was inevitable. I wobbled back to my room so we could check the time. B was perhaps uncertain of the appropriate level of concern, and briefly offered the possibility of calling an ambulance when it occurred to him that I may have taken a massive dose and had yet to peak. This offer was dismissed. Other brother's girlfriend, S, joined the audience at around this time. She seemed to have a more humorous disposition toward my condition, which I found reassuring. Intermittent portals to the 'external' allowed for rudimentary communication, such as requests for 'orange fluid,' & soothing music. I felt a vague distant nausea come and go.
I spent over an hour grasping at threads of reality, trying to find anything to hold on to, unsure of what might happen if I gave in. At around T+ 3:30 B left to take a shower. Left alone, I finally let go, disintegrated, and instead of agony and chaos, what I found was indescribable, ecstatic perfection, embraced by utter groundlessness. I closed my eyes, disappeared and tore disembodied, ego-less, through an infinite hyper-dimensional cosmic mandala. I experienced what I take to be a pseudo-enlightenment. It was beautiful, ineffable, pure bliss. Trying to maintain a frame of reference had been the engine of impairment. All difficulty dissolved with the dissolution of the self.
After returning to this world, intense hallucinations and feelings of deep satisfaction and connectedness continued for several hours. Everything I looked at was alive. Vivid overlapping iridescent translucent feathers swaying in the counter-tops; phosphorescent wood-grain; intricate prismatic patterns flowing, weaving, pulsating; fragmentation; glowing multicolored halos; flowers sprouting from the carpet; the hairs my arms dancing; then it settled down to object-melting; intricate swirling graphic pattern overlay; cryptic writing and numbers flying over every surface; Celtic knots; Mayan letters; twisting; size/distance/movement distortions; fractalization. The timer stopped at 9:59:59 I was still experiencing minor hallucinations, indistinct insects, colors changing, vague movement, and an actively distorted reflection in the mirror. I had difficulty locating my mouth until shortly before midnight. It seemed to drift about outside of my head.
This was a transcendent spiritual experience the benefit of which seems limited to the duration of the drug. This does not recommend itself to me as a reliable source of genuine spiritual insight. Not for me, and especially not at this dose. It was not comparable in depth, clarity, or refinement to the dissolution of the ego experienced in meditative absorption. I feel no need to reproduce this experience, though I have little concern that it would entail the same kind of difficulty, having found what sort of a thing it is and a more appropriate way to deal with it. I have no desire to do this again.
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