Have you had an experience with
Peyote, San Pedro, or Synthetic Mescaline?
Help out researchers at Maastricht University and...
Take this Survey!
'Never Again' I Thought
Crack
by Jeffry Taylor
Citation:   Jeffry Taylor. "'Never Again' I Thought: An Experience with Crack (exp83235)". Erowid.org. Apr 16, 2018. erowid.org/exp/83235

 
DOSE:
  repeated smoked Crack

BODY WEIGHT: 120 lb


So here I am again, sitting alone, hating myself. Wondering if I have really just done what I think I have done. Yes, its true I have. After 4 years of sobriety I have taken the plunge back into the hole in which I have tried so hard to pull myself out of. I have just finished a crack binge. How much have I smoked? I have no idea but I do know its to much, I feel like hell. Paranoid? Oh yeah, I keep checking the windows and peephole. Every noise I hear I think its the cops. I feel so ashamed, what happens if my new wife finds out? She will leave me for sure yet I take another hit.
I feel so ashamed, what happens if my new wife finds out? She will leave me for sure yet I take another hit.
With each hit it feels so right and so wrong at the same time. Three more hits and I throw it in the trash, five more minutes and I am digging it out again. I cant put it down, last time I did it for three years straight. Almost every day, at home, in the car, even at work, swore to myself I would never touch it again but here I am. I'm sure it will kill me this time, my heart feels like it's about to explode, it's so hot. I have no idea what to do now.... I have a nice burn mark on my lip, that's gonna hurt tomorrow. All this writing is just nonsense anyway no one cares about the ramblings of a crack head. I guess the only thing to do now is take another hit, watch the sun rise and when tomorrow gets here beg for forgiveness. If I live to see tomorrow that is, lots of bad thoughts. Never again.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 83235
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 29 
Published: Apr 16, 2018Views: 693
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Crack (82) : Alone (16), Addiction & Habituation (10), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults