Citation: Alex. "Ripped Apart: An Experience with Salvia Divinorum (exp83095)". Erowid.org. Jan 5, 2013. erowid.org/exp/83095
For the past several days I had been unsuccessfully searching for Mimosa Hostilis root bark at many of the local head shops. During this search, one of the store clerks mentioned Salvia. This stuck in the back of my mind, but I had mostly dismissed it as a substance I was interested in. I assumed it was just a cheep “legal” gimmick. At best a buzz from smoke inhalation. My God, was I in for a surprise.
Although I had not found any Mimosa root, I was still preparing to run an alkaloid extraction. Earlier this week I had purchased a can of quick start, and was intending to distill the heptane and either out if it, since I did not want my solvents contaminated with the added lubricating oil. While digging through the Merck index Salvia popped into my head.
The version of the Merck data base I was using had no information on salvinorin-A. This compounded my skepticism that Salvia was anything more that a smoke-shop rip-off. However, right there and then, I decided to get some. So, off to the head shop I went and got a 1 gram vial of 15X.
It was about 15:30 and I was cooking dinner. Having read up, a little, on this site about the duration of the effects, I decided I could easily smoke a bowl before eating and going out for the evening.
Thinking that I had better try a strong does I removed about one fourth of the vial (.25g) and packed it into a tinfoil pipe. Note: I had 15X not 5X!
I turned of the stove, and placed the dinner pot aside. I lit some incense and closed the blinds. I move a very sharp, and potentially dangerous, sculpture out of the living room where I had intended to trip. I even locked the cat in my bed room, just so I would not be disturbed. I turned off my phone as well.
To set the mood I chose to play a track from Dreamtime Didgeridoo. I’ve often liked listening to the tribal sounds of Didgeridoo’s and have had good experiences and insights on other substances while doing so.
I live in a small apartment. My living room area is a couch that runs the whole length of the side wall. I have a coffee table in the center of the room and a 40” LCD TV on the other wall. The TV is hooked up to a computer, so it displays the G-Force visual plug in for windows media player. With the incense lit, the music on, and the visuals running, I sat on the couch and prepare to smoke my pipe load.
My intentions were simple, and my expectations ignorant. I wanted to trip, and I expected very little to happen. At best, I thought I may sit in front of the TV and have some mild visual distortions. I expected it to be like mushrooms or LSD with a short duration.
Sitting comfortably, I took a big hit. I held it in for about 10~15 seconds, exhaled, and took another hit. I reached forward to put the pipe down and then *BOOOOOM*
In an instant I was gone. I didn’t know where I was, what I was, how I got there, or how I could get back, or where back was. I didn’t even know what “I” was. It’s hard to describe being completely divorced from ones ego.
Judging by the aftermath I was able to piece together what likely happened. As I leaned forward to put the pipe down, I may have tried to stand, or perhaps just fell over. Ash from the pipe was on the table and the pipe was found by the TV. It’s likely I never managed to let go of it.
I was now laying on the floor, and judging by the slight rug burn on my face, I hit it with some force.
As I lay there it felt as if I was being ripped apart.
It was physically and spiritually painful. Like a piece of paper going through a paper shredder. To use that analogy, the blades of the shredder were like cylindrical, multi colored, objects bleeding out from the infinitesimally thin shell of my torn body. The paper trap was like a black hole of sorts and I was falling into it over and over and over and over again.
I want to stress this!
The shift in geometric space was profound. There was a sense of infinite space, it was timeless, shapeless and sucking me towards it. There was a linear 2D space which was the shell of my body, the shell that I kept falling out of. Lastly there was a 3D space. The 3D space was what my shell was being ripped into, and could be described as wrapping around the rim of the infinite space.
I felt as if my shell of a body was being torn open, and my soul was going to roll out only to have the sole become the shell and rip apart again. This was a tumbling and very disorienting feeling. It kept rolling over and over. It was painful.
After what seemed like an eternity, I began to feel like I needed to get up. I felt as if I were on the ground. I knew I was being sucked, rolled, and split open, in a definite direction and that direction was down. I struggled to get up, and the pain from being ripped apart was radiating from my face.
During this struggle I could hear someone calling me into the void, while my mother was crying for me on the other side of it. Images and memories of childhood flashed through my mind, and I felt as if I may have died. There was a horrible noise all around me. The drone of the didgeridoos was overwhelming and compounding the tearing feeling.
I fought with all my might to get back.
Finally I could stand, and my body was nearly whole again. I realized the horrible noise was the music, and I found my self standing in front of the TV with the remote in my hand. I was saying to it, “Off” while trying to push the power button. This was all that existed, my hand, the ripping noise, the remote and that power button. Unfortunately, the TV is not hooked up to the speakers, and I could never actually turn off the music by turning off the TV. I finally realized this and turned off the speakers.
At this point in time things were very frightening. I still could not rationalize what had happened. I had a horrible taste in my mouth, and the room had a horrible smell to it. I managed to get to the bathroom and started to wash my face. As I leaned forward to wash my face I felt as if I was about to fall down the drain. I needed to drink water to get rid of the taste in my mouth. I struggled to maintain my self as I did this.
My skin felt like a thousand whirlpools spinning around. This effect was all around me. The walls, the floor, everything began to have their proper 3D place in the world, but it was not stable.
Nearly panicked, I lay down on my bead. The sheets wanted to consume me, I stood again. I washed my face again. I drank water again. I began to think I had been screaming at the top of my lungs the whole time I was on the floor. I wondered if the neighbors had heard this. I wondered if someone had called the police. Honestly, I wanted someone to come and save me. I thought I had gone mad, that I would never return to normal.
Eventually things did return to normal. The whole experience had been less than 15 minutes, the worst of it perhaps only one or two. I never realized an instant could last an eternity.
The element of the trip where my Mother was calling my back was insightful. I seldom see her having been away from home, and out of state, since I was 19. I know it is very painful for her to have her eldest son so far removed from her life. It is painful for me as well but I simply accept it as part of life. This hardship truly reared its head during this trip.
Salvia is NO JOKE!! It is not some BS “legal” high. It MUST be respected.
I would recommend a sitter. I wish I had one at the time.
I went from sitting to “A”, and yes it was dangerous.
A - AMNESIC effects. Loss of consciousness. The individual may fall, or remain immobile or thrash around. Dangerous!
Would I do it again?
Yes, but at a much lower dose.
Good luck to you all in your exploration. I hope my account will prove useful to someone. Please, don’t make the same mistakes as I did.
An instant can last an eternity – make it a good one!
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Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.