Citation: Ken the Neuron Boy. "Explosion From the Finite Into the Infinite: An Experience with Cannabis (exp82191)". Erowid.org. May 22, 2020. erowid.org/exp/82191
I was in southern California with a lovely young woman, a long time friend and frequent lover of mine, when we decided to go to Mexico for a day or two. Her presence always filled me with passionate feelings of intense attraction to her sensuous beauty. Fortunately for me, she was usually willing to share that feminine loveliness with me on many wonderful occasions. We spent the day exploring TJ and Rosarito, and then settled into a cheap Mexican motel for the night.
As we sat on the edge of the motel room bed, she asked me if I wanted to smoke some “grass” that she had grown at home in her back yard. I was always up for anything with her, and besides, in the past when I had smoked marijuana I had usually just laughed, lost track of time, and gotten the munchies. I had no way to know what was in store for me this time.
We had the TV on as we smoked her joint. We made fabulous love. My head started to cloud. The sound and sights of the room began to fade, and my consciousness moved deeply inward as I lost my perception of the room about me
my consciousness moved deeply inward as I lost my perception of the room about me
. Soon visions started. Ideas began to flood my mind, faster than I could keep up. I asked Jo for a piece of paper to write down the rapid fire insights and I began to scribble on a napkin she handed me. I saw two lovely women in long flowing pastel colored silken gowns with silken veils on their faces, showing only their eyes, both looking at me. They stood at a corner of a mud building on a dirt road about 15-20 feet from me. I knew them. Somehow I knew who they were. It was Mary, mother of Jesus, and Mary Magdalene, and I could feel intensely that Jesus was there with them, but as a spirit watching them and watching over them with pure love, and then the words “The spirit world is real” popped into my head and bellowed from out of nowhere, and then at that precise moment, the women in veils spoke to me, eyes askance but directly focused into mine, they spoke to me without speaking, as if by intense, crystal clear telepathy, and in my mind they are repeating again and again the words, “Now you know. Now you know. Now you know.” Over and over and over. They were telling me that now I knew from my direct experience that the spirit world is real.
I had the powerful sense, then, that ordinary reality was the dream, just a temporary illusion, and I felt the spirit world to be deeply and infinitely real, with a sense of reality I now realized that made ordinary waking reality pale by comparison so that it seemed only a dim dream. It was as if the only true reality was spirit, and physical life only a pale and temporary illusion. In the next few moments, ideas about ultimate reality, infinity, and meaning flooded my mind, things I had never thought of before, coming so fast I couldn’t keep up, and the ideas didn’t seem to be coming from me because they were so foreign, but somehow from outside myself, and yet, at the same time, I sensed that I seemed to have always known and understood them, even before I had even existed. I understood that all of my struggling in life, to that time, for women, for success, for knowledge, for money, for love, all these forms of struggling were now suddenly, clearly and self-evidently, revealed to me as merely various distortions of the deep founding need in me for spiritual completion. All these experienced needs in ordinary reality were just misinterpreted, misunderstood, distorted need for spiritual completion. The role of sex was understood as a search for God, for connection with the infinite.
I then saw a vision of my whole life laid out before me, every moment, every millisecond, every event, but in a visual symbolic form that looked like a long string of three-dimensional geometric figures of various unrecognizable, almost random, but distinct shapes unlike anything I had ever seen before in ordinary reality. Each abstracted solid geometrical figure. in this long, long sequence spread out before me to “see,” I somehow knew was a particular instant in my life, to that point. I saw every single event of my life, every single moment of it, and I saw that it was exactly as it had to be, that it could not have been different at all in even one minute detail. Everything was exactly and precisely as it should be. The triumphs, the failures, the instances of goodness, the cruelties, the happy moments, the painful ones, loves, hates, fears, anxieties, the mistakes, all of it, all of it was perfect. And as I looked at this, this very long string of abstract geometric solid shapes, each a moment in my life, each exactly as it must have been and should be, I experienced an overwhelming feeling of what I called then, and still call now, “crystalline perfection.” I experienced the crystalline perfection of my experience. Then I felt an overwhelming connection with the infinite, a melding of me with the totality of the universe; I felt a perfect connection to something infinite and ultimate, I wanted to call it God, but that didn’t seem right, and then it popped into my head from nowhere, it was the origin of everything and I was in perfect communion with it. I could feel that I was in it, and it was in every atom of me. It was as if there was no separation between me and the ultimate origin of all. Perfect communion with the infinite, the origin of everything.
I felt an overwhelming flood of ecstasy and perfect, infinite joy and then understood that spiritual completion was the perfect communion between me and the infinite and everlasting origin of everything. Sin was separation from this thing, from I guess, what must be God. And it was this separation from this infinity-consciousness that was the origin of all evil and of all fear. And then from outside of me somehow the phrase entered my mind, “Explosion from the finite into the infinite.” And I said to myself, yes, that is exactly what’s happened to me. I have been transformed by an explosion from ordinary finite consciousness into infinity-consciousness; I had been transported to what I recognized as heaven, and it is not a place, but instead it is a state of consciousness, of oneness with the infinite and eternal origin of everything that exists and ever has existed.
After some time, that must have been hours, because now Jo was asleep and the TV was snow, my ordinary consciousness began to return. I laid down next to Jo and slept. In the morning, I told Jo that she was my angel because she had transported me to heaven. I talked to her about the experience. Unlike me, she experienced only the typical marijuana high.
Since that day, I have never used psychoactives again. I felt fortunate for the experience I had and it was so wonderful I consider it sacred and feel it would be almost blasphemous to try to repeat it. I had seen Infinity consciousness while Survival consciousness somehow became dormant. I felt specially chosen. I am too grateful to try to repeat the sacred perfection.
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