Citation: DarkStar. "A Glimpse of Nirvana: An Experience with MDMA & Cannabis (exp82166)". Erowid.org. Oct 27, 2018. erowid.org/exp/82166
So I decided to start this report while I am sober, considering my propensity to yammer on when I am under the influence.
I wish also to provide a little background.
My drug experiences in the past have been limited, mostly marijuana (always smoked), Vicodin (snorted), Risperdal (Prescribed, though I tried snorting it, I STRONGLY suggest against it) Paxil (again, formerly prescribed) Mushrooms, and Alcohol.
Within the past six years, I have abstain totally from any mind altering substance, but, coinciding with various changes in my life, I have came to the conclusion that I wish to experience an altered sense of reality.
My contact, lets call her Succubi, informed me the other day that she was helping her brother get rid of some Mollie, and wanted to know if I was interested. At first, and still to this moment, I had my reservations. I have learned much about myself in this past few weeks of catching up on all the inebriation I missed these past few years, and am worried about certain personality traits of mine, which are hidden when I am sober, manifesting.
Currently my mind set is a bit unstable. I am nervous, anticipation rattling me. A little tired, though alert and a little hyper. I feel like I am forgetting something, though cant remember quite what. As well a little guilty because I have business to attend to but too lazy to do so...
Physically, I am fine, my neck aches a bit, but might be able to con my roommate into working that out...I had a full eight hours of sleep last night, and ate a little breakfast not long ago.
Start log, feel a bit nervous, but ok. A little jittery, I'm gonna have to be careful and make sure that I don't try and fight it, with that though, looking forward to a good trip.
Colors and shades beginning to stand out more, general chill feeling, all apprehensiveness regarding the new drug.
T:~0:30 No major effects now, gonna hunker down and listen to some George Carlin. Chilling with Succubus and my roommate. Strange whirs of perception. Kinda vibrant for a moment then suddenly calming then vibrant again. Feeling good, relaxed, kinda anxious. Tightness in my neck is gone.
T:~1:00 Time been moving strange past half hour, too fast, Feels like just a moment ago that I wrote the last entry. Stood up, bit of dizziness and sudden vibrant colors and hues and shades. Though it has subsided and everything looks duller. Getting a little annoyed, wishing this shite would kick in soon...had a couple of people tell me it was real good. 20 Bucks for ~60mg. Smoked a half bowl of shake. The research I did said the drug would take about half an hour, getting a little impatient. And if this is all I'm gonna get from the MDMA, I wanted to put a bit of THC in my system ...Physically I am very relaxed. Beginning to feel a slight sensation as though I was levitating.
Beginning to feel a slight sensation as though I was levitating.
T:~103 First blast, vibrant and eschew colors, strange wonderment for a second. That's not the weed. I am getting a very curious. A sensation of Awe moving over me. Similar to a really good session of meditation. Strange though. The weed and Mollie are synching, both highs combining and empowering each other. Its a very nice effect.
T:~113 Losing perception of space. Total lack of depth perception, small rooms feel more spacious.
About this point I lost track of time watching The Number 23 and forgot to update as the night went on, but I will reconstruct to the best of my ability.
T:~ 1:30 Started feeling really good about this time, confident and powerful. Had a slight megalomania going on, like I could take on the world if I wanted to, but I was quite content sitting on the couch enjoying the chill. The high was alot calmer than I anticipated. I wanted to get up and move, but at the same time was very content doing nothing. The high very strongly reminded me of very deep meditation, have to remember to try to reproduce some of the effects later. I had a strong feeling to get up and move, thought about turning on some music and asking one of the girls to dance with me, though I chickened out.
T:~2:00 Danced for about fifteen minutes in my room. Techno is very catchy. Also discovered milk. Typically I dont drink too much milk, dont like the taste, but under the drugs effects my sensory perception was in overdrive. The best way to describe the experience of drinking milk under MDMA was, I could taste every facet of the liquid. Sweet, warm, cool, creamy and slick. Every element of the milk seemed to stand out on its own, then combine with the other sensations in pure bliss. Succubi made a joke that I would like semen. I cant remember my retort, but I remember being curious a bit... Had a few moments there where I wondered if I was bi-sexual.
T:~2:30 Discovered grapes...utterly amazing. At this point I still was rolling nicely. Openly flirtatious (typically I'm very reserved). I was swinging in a state of pure blissful calm. I kept wondering if this is what the Buddha refers to when he speaks of Nirvana. There was a purity to that state. As though all the world was right. As though everything dark in my recent past had fallen away, and I was glowing with passion for the future. Time an space seemed to dance. Like a Autumns first snow, warmed by gentle sunlight. I remember looking into the mirror and examining myself. A half lidded gaze and serene smile. I felt as though I was part of the world, instead of removed from it. As though I was the world. I was content.
I felt as though I was part of the world, instead of removed from it. As though I was the world. I was content.
As I sat on the couch, I remember moving in and out of a meditative daze. Meditation and reflection seemed to manifest much easier to. Where as typically it takes ten minutes or so for me to get into the state, I was easily able to slide in and out with no effort what so ever. I remember listening, very intently to all around me. I could hear the world humming, and stars singing. I could sense the energies of all those around. Then I got distracted, by the Succubi bothering my roommate to give her a back rub.
T:~2:45 Arousal flaring up every so often as I watch my roommate give Succubi a back massage. I couldn't help but to watch, she was just too attractive. I remember my eyes gliding over her the bare, perfect flesh of her back. Watching the muscles of her neck, and smelling her hair, despite being a few feet away. I wanted to hold her. Not necessarily make love, but just hold her. Feel her heart beat against my chest, and her skin against mine... It was strange. I have had very few girls I have been that interested in. Three total in my life. For the past few weeks I had been trying to hide my crush on her, not wanting to recognize it. But my fears of attachment and my introversion seemed to melt away, as I watched the Succubi...
T:~2:45 Had to force myself to get up, as I realized exactly what I had been thinking about. Felt guilty. Wandered into my room and jammed to a little metal and checked my emails. Noticing the some of the effects tapering, kinnda a bummer, but I'm ok with it. The mental state of contented bliss seems to be riding strong though.
T:~3:30 Returned to couch, most effects of the drug have worn off. Still in a VERY good mood and a little horny. At this point my tactile perceptions seemed to do something strange. Whereas everything physically felt as though I were sober, touch still triggered something in my mind which said it felt good. That is a very poor description, but the best I can muster. Noticed how often I had been rubbing my legs together. Wishing I had someone to cuddle with, again. Sexual arousal seemed to diminish, and I just wanted to snuggle. Debated on going out to the bar, but my ex was there. And remembered how poorly alcohol and Marijuana mix in my head.
T:~4:45 At this point I decided to hit the hay, the girls had been teasing me all night. Not as much as they usually do though, and I needed to meditate for a bit. Turned on some light music and passed out about T: ~5:00
T:~7:00 Woke up. Great dreams, too horny to sleep...
T:~8:30 Not sure if I should mention this, its a little personal and little over the top but, I it might be useful data. My orgasm was prolonged about twice as long as normal, dont know if it was because of the MDMA or not, but wow....
T:~13:30 Morning After:
All day I had real great feeling, Typically I'm a little withdrawn and a little blue. But the feeling of being able to take on the world and handle anything persisted, as well did the being very sociable.
T~20:30 Those effect began to wear off. Smoked some Marijuana resin with Succubi and roomate. Which I believe contributed to the worsening of mood. Resin high always seemed to do that to me. Not in a bad mood per say, but not in nearly as good of mood as I could have been.
Was waiting for depression to kick in, as some have mentioned it with the use of MDMA, but it never did for me. Its been around 36hrs since the Mollie was taken, and I'm feeling normal. Not down, or overly happy. Physically I'm a little tired, poor sleep last night, but ok. No appetite though, though that is common for me after using any drug. All and all I had a real great time on it, and am more than willing to try it again, if I can afford it. Thinking about stepping up the dose next time though... And with any luck I'll have a girlfriend to keep me entertained next time ;)
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