Citation: Adrien. "The Sea: An Experience with Ketamine (exp81926)". Erowid.org. Aug 20, 2018. erowid.org/exp/81926
I had never been too enthralled with the idea of trying Ketamine. It seemed like a dirty, artificial drug to me; especially hearing about it's 'cybernetic' qualities. But it had been an interesting month of opening up to new and exciting drugs, mostly of the psychedelic nature. So when my friend's older brother (I will call him A) offered a portion of 150mg to my friend (who I will call N)and myself each, I decided it couldn't hurt.
We waited for N's parent's to go to sleep before we launched. A, who was an experienced user of K with the capability to easily shrug his parents off, had already dosed himself with 150mg while N and I waited for our time. He acted in a silly manner, taking fighting stances and randomly blurting senseless phrases at us.
I consider A to be a very respectable and extremely intelligent person, though sometimes a little paranoid. So seeing his eyes glassed over, babbling about 'Planet Poptart', I was of the mind the Ketamine was not going to be a favorite and was definitely nothing more than recreational. The drugs I consider valuable are always the ones that can be used to make discoveries: personal, expansive, spiritual and others of that nature.
After A had come down, we all had a talk regarding the launch. We came to realize N might have a coming drug test and this could trigger for PCP, so he dropped out of the launch. We had also been amphetamine binging all day, so A had I waited for my heart rate to drop below 110 resting before I could begin.
My initial plan was to only take an IM shot of 25mg to get a taste for K and save the other 125mg for a future launch with N. A showed us how to prepare the shots, then injected me while we sat around in the basement lounge. I didn't feel anything after about 3 minutes of sitting around, so I stood up to get the blood flowing. As I did, I felt the drug stir in my arm, run through my veins and shoot into my brain. I was surprised at the feeling that came to me. It was pleasant, soft and completely bizarre. I felt dizzy in a new way I hadn't known before.
A and I moved to the music room and I lied down trying to understand this feeling. A was playing on the keyboard and N came in. I knew I wanted to dose with N later, but I couldn't help the urge to go deeper down the rabbit hole. I looked at A and said, 'I'm associated and concious enough to tell you I need more...'. I turned to N with a look of guilt and without my saying anything he proclaimed, 'It's all you. Do what you need to do.' After a brief consideration for my booster dose, A decided to inject me with another 65mg. This would almost definitely put a first time user in the depths of the K-Hole and would leave me another 60mg to work with for N and I's future trip.
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A put the shot in my shoulder and I felt the liquid seep through my muscles into my blood. I stood up and felt the booster dose start to increase a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, then zam. Nothing made sense. I sat on my knees, then I watched myself slump forward in front of me. I saw my eyes glaze over and mouth hang open. Then I closed my eyes. I swam through this space, contortions of signs, folding in meaningless ways. I saw stringing, zapping colors of electricity decorating darkness. I saw metal contortions forming a city not meant to live in. I gasped out so I knew A and N could hear me, 'So this is planet poptart!.'
Suddenly I realized I was in a sea; a sea of randomized conciousness. I didn't match the thoughts one could have in this reality. I shouted out again, 'NO!... This is not planet poptart!' I swam up, breeched the surface, opened my eyes and saw N sitting at the drums, looking at me. I reached for him, imploring him to take my hand and come with me into the ocean. He looked at me to say he couldn't, but I took it as rejection, so I remorsefully splashed back into the sea.
Then something called me without words. It told me to stand up and I did. This suprised both A and N. They asked me how I was and I whispered, 'amazing.' A had just taken another 65mg and I felt him become more present to me, even without realizing he had taken it. He told me he was following me and asked me what we should do and I reflected. I have a multiple personality, as delusional as that might sound, who was developed through the years of solitude I spent with abusive family members during my summers away from boarding school. He is best decribed as demonic and happily had made an appearance a couple of weeks prior during an acid trip in which he scared away a lot of my friends and girlfriend. It was then he spoke for me to tell A we must destroy. I realized he didn't speak with his usual energy of conviction. He was caught in the drug as well and was desperately trying to assert himself in this foreign situation. A and N were familiar with him and became uneasy for a moment, but A knew that I was in control regardless at the moment and brushed it off. A told me we were moving through time and as he spoke the words I physically felt the room take on velocity.
Then began the most spiritual experience of my life. I heard my mother, deceased for a decade now, call me without words. I had my eyes open but stopped seeing the room. I stood knee deep in the sea again. My mother was in the sea and I could feel her maternity and light alerting me to her. I searched through this shallow sea that I knew was untamed, raw conciousness. The same one I had swam in earlier. It appeared blue, black and thick with that from which souls of this and other realities were given life and returned in death. The sky above me was a strange, dark shade of purple. It assured me that death was not bad, maybe even good depending on if I wanted to view it that way. I knew somewhere in here was my mother and I wanted to physically hold her to me, even though I felt her stronger than I could physically already. Throughout this I apparently kept whispering 'Mom', 'My mother' and my mother's name. A picture came to my head like some sort of monument to the trip. I saw the sea and sky. In it, three oblong orbs stood. The center one was me, a grey void with the outline of myself in it. I faced a white, misty form which was my mother and her love, warmth and an association with death. Behind me stood a black masculine form, dark smoke enshrouding him. This was my alter who was docile and numb in wake to this place. He represented life and the sadistic joy he loves and I love feeling through him.
Then I spiralled away from the ocean. I was back in the music room, everything looking like a cartoon and A and N looking at me. A put his hand on my shoulder and assured me without words he was there and had seen. I had sensed him throughout like a small fish swimming around me, but had been too caught up in my quest to care. I sat down and my alter and I argued aloud about something I forget, then went away like he always does when I'm sober and not in emotionally insane circumstances. I looked up after this to A and said in a broken voice, 'May I finish my allotted dose, please?...' A had warned us after 45 minutes, dosing became almost useless because of how weak the effects would be compared to the initial dose. He was prepared to redose me when N got my attention and said, 'It's been past 45 minutes, it's been about an hour and fifteen...' This suprised me a great deal; I had felt it had been an enternity while I swam in the sea, but in retrospect it felt like no more than two or three minutes. I quickly declined the the coming dose and decided to wait to make more use of it later.
A congradulated me on the gift of an experience I had. I spent a good time quietly reviewing what just happened in my head, trying hard to not systemize it the way the human brain would want to. I knew it hadn't had a purpose and that place could not make sense to the minds of this reality. I then related the details to my comrades and found myself annoying at how continuously I would continue to recall more things to glue to my memory before they dissapeared.
Tonight, almost a week later, N and I are about to ask A if he will dose us. I traded N 50mg of my 2C-I for part of his Ketamine dose, so we plan on jumping launching together at 105mg a piece. We are on amphetamine again tonight, being the little speedfreaks that we are. I don't feel that the speed impurifies the experience, however; I feel it brings a boost of comprehension to the experience which could easily be too jumbled otherwise. I won't be dissapointed if this experience isn't the soulful, fulfilling creature of last, but I have a little hope it just might be and now my best friend N can be there with me.
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