Citation: TheBull. "Memories: An Experience with Hydrocodone & Heroin (exp81806)". Erowid.org. Dec 5, 2013. erowid.org/exp/81806
As I sit here writing this, I can still remember those good old days back in the end of 2007 when I first tried what would become my favorite of all types of drugs, Opiates.
This is about my whole experience with them in general, not one specific time.
My first encounter with them was when I had my wisdom teeth pulled, the doctors gave me Hydrocodone [Lorcet 10/650] to deal with the pain. One day I was in more pain then I wanted to be so I took 2 and began feeling great, I was in utter bliss, but I was young and naive and didn't attribute it to the Hydrocodone, I just thought 'wow these really work' and then when the pain went away I stopped. And should have stayed stopped.
A few days later at school I told one of my partier friends what had happened to me and about my prescription and he went bonkers, telling me you can get really messed up off of them. Me being a pothead at the time, was down for anything, and before I knew it I had taken the whole prescription in about a week. I still wanted that feeling, the total utter bliss, so I went out and did what every normal naive person would. Found a Painkiller Dealer.
I couldn't find one, but then I talked to a really cool family member of mine, and they told me they had a never ending supply of Hydrocodone and Morphine/Oxycodone, (the scripts varied on whatever pain they were in) and I was welcome to them whenever I wanted because they didn't really need to take them as prescribed. I was in heaven.
Fast Forward-Mid 2008
I was stupid and didn't even take a minute to consider the dangers of overdose and addiction. I was in the midst of my Opiate stage, taking upwards of 15 Hydro's a day and 30 mg of Morphine too and all of a sudden I called to go pick up and the method of obtaining presciptions had changed and I couldn't pick up for a month. I didn't think anything of it and could wait it out. I think I experienced withdrawl for the first time, when the first day I didn't have any, I was at my friends house, and just started feeling like shit. I had a pounding headache that wouldn't subside, I couldn't move, I couldn't walk, I couldn't smoke or drink or do anything. I didn't think anything of withdrawl, mainly because people didn't know I was doing that much because I didn't want them in on my little secret. I thought I had a bad case of the flu, so I stuck it out. I was sick for about a week before I felt better. And I should have stopped there.
The new month rolls around and I get my huge 300 pill supply, eating them like crazy. I began to get bored with all these, so I started selling them to make extra cash. Me and my best friend at the time were really messed up on the hydros one day, when we ran into a guy he knows, and he mentioned that if we liked these he had something better and to come back to his house. I thought he just had some oxy or something, but upon arriving at his house, he mentioned that he had some Heroin, but wouldn't let us do it because we were already messed up on Hydro's and we would most likely overdose, so he sold us some the next day.
The first time I did Heroin was the most amazing experience of my life. I broke up the Doublewide wax baggy and poured it out into 2 lines. I did one and the rush was so intense, it was amazing. I never wanted to do hydro's again after this. I began selling my hydros to support my dope habit. I was doing dope everywhere, anytime. I would wake up in the morning and do a line, then go to school, do one in the bathroom, then come home, buy another bag, and kill it that night. My best friend was doing dope heavy with me, seeing as he had a good job. I can remember when we would just sit there calling our dealer nonstop to get our next fix, we would just blow up his phone, knock on his door, anything. Then one of our mutual friends found out and mentioned that we might be addicted, but I thought nothing of it.
Then one day I just stopped. All the talk about addiction, and the obscene amounts we were doing, killing 1/2 grams in a night, and really it was spending all my money away. I stopped cold turkey, and let me tell you that was about the worst pain I have ever felt. I was like the hydros withdrawl, multiplied by about 50. It sucked, it felt so bad, I just wanted to die. I'm glad I was only doing it for about 3 months, and never got into mainlining, because that would have been horrid. So I just toughed it out gettin drunk every night to take away the pain.
Then one day I craved the high again, and I don't know why. I was clean for about a month, never had cravings anytime I had stopped before, but then one day they just came. And Came. And Came. It was crazy how much I wanted it, but I didn't want Heroin, because I thought it was just too much so I didn't get anything for a while. I toughed it out again. And I should have stopped there.
Nov 2008. I began taking hydros again and getting messed up for obscene periods of time, just wasting the day away with me and my best friend at the time. Then we found out about a guy who sold oxy for cheap. We bought some 80s. Then More. And More. And More.
We kept doing 80s for months, usually the whole thing, but I tried to keep off of it for a day or two after about a week of taking an 80 a day to try to avoid withdrawl. Well I didn't when I stopped for those days, but somehow my mind knew it was for the best. But then I couldn't stop. I just kept doing and doing and doing. I loved it, I never wanted that euphoria to go away, it just made life better, times go by so fast, and my life amazing. I had so many good times then.
Feb 2009. I had gotten out of control, but then something great happened to me. I found the Love of my life. I met her and we hit it off great, she knew of my oxy, but didn't want to tell me about it, and I wasn't one of those typical junkies, I wouldn't talk about it all the time, or about how I craved it. But then I did, and the oxy man upped his prices drastically. I didn't have money to support my habit, and my girl was getting annoyed so I decided to wean myself off, and I did in a way, but it took me months, but I did it, not only for me, but for her too, because I knew it was special this time with her. My withdrawl was so intense, I remember just laying on my couch almost in tears because I didn't have any. But once again I toughed it out.
October 2009. As I am writing this I can remember all those good times and wasted days on opiates. I have so many memories that are just amazing thanks to this Painkiller. It made my life into utter completement. I sit here remember how day and days would go by and I would just be so messed up, how many friends I had on them, how much money I made selling them. When I decided to get clean finally, I had a horrid depression that lasted weeks. I felt like something had been ripped from my life and I would never get it back, like nothing would ever be right again. Like nothing would ever be fun again without them. I wanted any opiate so bad. It seemed like my life had no meaning. I wanted all my friends back, I wanted to be content doing nothing, I wanted everything back so bad, but not at the cost. The only reason I stopped is because I knew it was for the best. I know I couldn't let my habit get out of control to where I couldn't support it. I don't want to grow up and be a junkie, just chasing the next high. It hurt so bad, but I stopped.
I've learned a lot in my experiences, mainly that Opiates are good in moderation, which is how I have been taking them. I do it about once or twice a week, if that. My life is amazing even though it doesn't feel it sometimes. I am in love with the girl of my dreams, my father loves me, I have an insane (in a good way) little brother, and two great best friends.
But I still miss those days, and it hurts sometimes. I don't know if it will ever stop.
I admit that I was addicted, but the weird thing is I loved it, and didn't want to stop.
Oh and about the withdrawl and how I got through: it was my girl was very supporting and helped me through it because I couldn't let it show, my father is very stern and wouldn't have thrown me into rehab or anything, he would have been so upset, he would have beat me, and I fear my father more then anything else. I just sucked it up and felt like I was sick forever, and would smoke and drink myself to sleep, while staying away from my opiate abusing friends. Quit cold turkey, that's the only way to do it.
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