Citation: Sydias . "Terror, Death and Everything in Between: An Experience with DXM (exp81733)". Erowid.org. Feb 13, 2011. erowid.org/exp/81733
I was attracted to DXM because of it s easy availability and psychedelic properties. I had taken a dose of 300mg before which landed me easily at middle 2nd plateau for my weight (110lbs).
My first trip was fairly weak in my opinion but extremely interesting at the same time. I enjoyed the time dilation, slight visual effects and increased pleasure in normally mundane tasks and observing everyday objects. My disappointment was with the disassociation, the feeling of the 'tussinphoria', the lack of musical interest, which was my main aim, and how long the total duration of the trip felt whilst high. Towards the end I found myself begging to go back to sanity, not because of fear but because of a more 'been there and done that' feeling that I got. The disassociation left me unable to play guitar properly, I was able to play but it seems very distant and too troublesome to be enjoyable, which saddened me and I believe may have altered my mindset for the rest of the trip. The hangover was quite annoying and strong. I got severe shakes and was riding on what I imagine was 1st plateau. This would not have been bad if I enjoyed the tussinphoria but it didn't, luckily I only had to be out for a few hours and was able to sleep shortly after.
Overall the trip was disappointing, I was described my trip sitter as very phlegmatic about it all but this left me wanting more. I concluded the setting and my mindset going into the trip is what affected it, I did not feel a spiritual or emotional connection to my trip sitter which ruled out self-exploration, another one of my goals for the trip. My next attempt was going to be a 3rd plateau dose of 600mg without a trip sitter, which proved to be a big mistake. I started the night out with some easy music listening. I set up a carefully planned playlist for the remainder of the night because I was anticipating the immense amount of energy and trouble it would take to get my self up to change a song on a third plateau trip. I dosed around 12am so it would be easy to time my trip as the hours progressed and I slowly drifted far away from my mind.
T+0:00 (about 12:00am) - Finished a 200ml bottle of Robitussin 30mg/10ml, slight nausea but I can hold the disgusting syrup very well.
T+0:30 - The feelings came on very suddenly, I was already higher than my 2nd plateau peak in 30 minutes compared to 1-2 hours when I tripped last. This gave me an indication of how strong this trip was going to be. I went from reading a book to being unable to focus my eyes in about 30 seconds. I chucked on my headphones and started the playlist which was to finish in 4 hours which I assumed would cover the trips high points.
T+1:30 - The 2nd plateau got stronger and stronger to the point where I was getting really disassociated. I experienced very little visual distortions on my last trip and surprisingly at this dose I was experiencing the same, possibly even less right now. The only thing I noticed was slow motion/trails which I believe is known as tracers and even then it was only slightly.
T+1:40 - I think around this time is when I got the transition to the 3rd plateau. I was listening to music which I was thoroughly enjoying when I felt another wave of disassociation come over me. I felt strong feelings of excitement as this happened. I soon lost interest in music which, whilst was the falling point of the previous trip, did not phase me this time as I was planning on delving into my mind in the altered state I was in. I got into a deep meditative trance which proved very rewarding but I had no idea what was going to happen when I hit the peak of the trip.
T+2:00 - I took a trip to the toilet which was very hard with the disassociation at its peak. I managed to get to the toilet after a struggle which is only a few feet from my room and on the way out I had a look in the mirror and thought about what I saw. I felt extremely down to earth in my thought, not far away or even slightly distant which I experienced on my previous trip. I was able to think coherently and the reflection of my person was nothing fearful or even thought provoking. I turned away and went to return to my room to think more when all of a sudden it hit me, the peak of the trip. Thoughts raced to my head, one being very personal to me. I then felt a burning in my throat and upper chest, I struggled to stay on my feet. I grabbed onto what I could and held on for what seemed like my life. My muscles started twitching violently, all around my body I felt tingly and the distant feeling of my limbs shaking. I looked down to see my legs almost kicking around like my spirit was trying to escape from my body, I knew if I wanted the burning to go away I would have to embrace these feelings and I did. I still have not decided whether this was a good idea or not. I felt my chest push forward and a sudden wave of burning, not just heat but what felt like my insides being scorched by a burning flame. It passed in a wave from my toes to my head. At the same time the muscles in my back constricted which forced me into an arched position to endure to the burning sensation.
T+2:10 I managed to get back to my room thinking I had just experienced a part of the transition phase and the heat people experience during it. I laid back into my bed feeling a sensation of being spun around very fast. All of a sudden the same burning in my throat appeared out of no where and the whole process of intense burning and muscle constriction repeated. At this point, judging on the symptoms I was experiencing, I had concluded to myself that I was suffering from Serotonin Syndrome, which I believed possible judging on the dose and my weight. It would die down after the wave of burning passed and then all of a sudden the process would repeat; it would start with a thought of death or any anxiety producing thought. I started to understand that it could be psychosomatic and nothing harmful to my body but the symptoms felt like something more physical than emotional, as far as I read anyway.
I can summarise the rest of the trip from here onwards, the attacks of pain and burning continued up to 3 times a minute for the next 6 hours. My will to live to was put to the test. I felt as though I was in a never-ending battle with my mind and my life was the price. Those 6 hours were easily the worst hours of my life, both physically and emotionally. The thought of my death being a breath away scared me to point of suicide. Luckily I was extremely sane in my thinking and did not resort to this. I thought of crying out for help or at least some sleeping pills to make the pain more bearable but I knew in my sane mode of thinking that this would result in my parents finding out, which when I think about it now seems very funny as even in a point of near death I was putting the consequence of my parents finding out about my experience above the consequence of death. I believe it was the idea of it all be psychological/psychosomatic that kept me sane, enduring the pain and waiting for the feeling of near death to pass.
At around 8:30am-9:00am the attacks of pain finally stopped and was able to sleep once again, the hangover was intense as I felt a constant 2nd plateau all day and still felt very disassociated until 24 hours after. Analysing the trip after, I've come to the realisation that what I was feeling was panic attacks, very strong panic attacks. I've been reading up and nobody has experienced them endlessly for hours straight. My mission there after was to find the source of the panic. As I mention before a very personal memory came to mind before the first attack, this along with the 3rd plateau must of set of a chain of anxiety and fear and then the panic attacks. I've been working to overcome the problem in the past and believe I have now. In a way I feel the demon that is DXM has saved me.
Ultimately I won't be trying it again, I got what I wanted from it and I've learnt more about myself in the process. Remember to play it safe though and don't use something like this recreationally.
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