Citation: Brooke. "Parachuting the Back Door Drug: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp81701)". Erowid.org. Nov 4, 2010. erowid.org/exp/81701
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
I have always had a very liberal view of drugs, I always liked the saying “Respect the drugs and the drugs will respect you” and tried to follow that throughout my drug using experiences. I am the kind of person that wants to experience everything in life, at least once to say I did it and know what it is like, and so with drugs too. The majority of my drug usage was in high school. It was there that I tried almost everything under the sun, and never really had an addiction problem with anything. I guess I am one of those “lucky” ones that can exercise self control well, and never really found a drug that was the cherry on top of my sundae, which is good I suppose because after high school I went several years just smoking pot and that was it. But I also suppose that is a bad thing, because that means I am constantly down to try new drugs to see if I can find my cherry.
Well I am a 22 year old woman and as of lately the only substances left of my “list” of things I had not tried were acid and………. Ta da! Methamphetamine! Pretty much everything else I had given a go at least once, except maybe some really uncommon drugs like ketamine and such (we don’t see much of that stuff in my area of the country). The reason I have never done acid was really simply that I never had a desire to. I tried shrooms a couple of times, and peyote once, and had a TERRIBLE time with all. So I just came to the conclusion that hallucinogens were not for me, and that if I didn’t like those, that I probably would not enjoy acid either.
The funny thing about meth was that I have been around it consistently for the past 5 years or so and never tried it. Here in the Midwest that shit is EVERYWHERE, so most of my friends ended up getting into it, and I would still go hang out with them at dope houses and shady ass motels sometimes (which was very stupid and dangerous), and would always get offered, but never accept. I never had a particular reason why I said no, I just…didn’t ever feel like it was my time to try it. And it sure as hell wasn’t going anywhere so I knew my opportunity would come. And it did. Ironically (or maybe not so much) at my lowest point in life.
My boyfriend of 4 years had just left me for a 16 year old, I had just gotten laid off of my job because the company went bankrupt, 2 of my closest friends had died in a car accident, and I had no idea how I was going to now afford the empty apartment and bills that lay before me. Now normally I am not one for using drugs to “deal” with things, or to cope, but god damn I was depressed. I started just trying to stay messed up all the time, and that took more than weed, because I had been one of those daily smokers for so long I really didn’t even get that stoned anymore no matter how much I smoked. So I started on lortabs and oxycontin for awhile, and they helped, but didn’t get me where I wanted to be. So what was my thought then? It was hey, I am already this low, lets get a little lower and try some meth! Fuck yeah! I thought it was a pretty damn good idea, I mean why not?
The cool thing was I didn’t even have to pay for it. All my apartment neighbors loved me, and they were old tweakers, so when I voiced my curiosity to see what this meth was all about, they were MORE than willing to share with me, and reel me in. Actually the main guy in our complex who cooked the anhydrous-type methamphetamine came over to my apartment with his wife and a few tweakers one night and loaded up a glass pipe, and I took a few hits. And you know what happened then? Nothing. After about 5 good hits all I really felt was slightly more awake, not hungry, and a headache coming on. At that point I figured alright this is stupid I am just feeding this shit into my body and not even getting a good high out of it. I was honest with the dude about it and they were really shocked at how disappointed I was. They came up with lots of different answers as to why it didn’t have much of an effect on me, such as “maybe its bad dope”, or “you didn’t smoke enough”, or “being nervous beforehand can mess it up” and a bunch of bull like that so I was like whatever I tried it, and that’s that.
Then one dude just looked at the main guy and said, “She should parachute it”. And all at once they all got excited saying, “Yeah that’s what she needs! That’ll get her going!” So after being explained that a parachute is when you put some meth in a small wad of toilet paper, wrap it up, and swallow it whole like a pill, I honestly didn’t think that would do me any better. I mean smoking is supposedly instantly in your system, and eating something has to process through your organs first, so why would this help me at all? I was tired and frustrated, so I said maybe tomorrow.
Tomorrow came, and I decided to give it another go around. I mean after all it was free, and the worst that happens is what, I throw up? Don’t feel anything? Might as well just do it. So this time I went to ol dude’s place, and I was pretty nervous this time for some reason, I guess because of how excited everyone got when t his idea was suggested. The dude hands me the parachute, and I start to examine it when he says, “Just fucking take it, don’t get scared now”. So upon succumbing to peer pressure, at 3pm central standard time, I quickly threw it in the back of my throat and took a big gulp of juice behind it. No turning back now.
It was only after I swallowed it that I thought to ask him how much he had just given me. His response, “a half”. Hmmmm. To me a half gram is a lot. Maybe not to some people, but I was pretty upset when I found out that was how much I had just ingested, especially when I had specifically asked him to give me a small amount. When he could see I was starting to get mad, he just says, “look I had to make sure you get a real rush this time or you might have a bad opinion of it forever”. Hmm, ok, thanks for your consideration. Fuck you. But, my bad for being so easily influenced, right?
I tried to just hang out for awhile and wait for it, but the longer I waited the more impatient I got. I had some errands to run, so I told them I was leaving but would call them later to tell them how it went. Plus if I ended up tweaking the hell out, I would rather be by myself than in front of people looking like a…well…tweaker! So I run errands, and about 45 minutes go by, and at first I can’t tell if I start to feel something, or if my mind was giving me the placebo effect, either way, to me that said the shit wasn’t doing its job if I can’t distinguish between the two. I actually forgot about it for a bit, went home, and by the time an hour and 15 minutes had passed, to my utter and total amazement, Mr. Methamphetamine came and gave me a good slap across the face. It totally hit me. I was fucking SPUN OUT.
I hate comparing it to coke, because in so many ways it is not like it at all, but it felt a lot like the speed at 100mph in my head that good coke will sometimes give me, except this was like in my whole body, plus my brain. Within just a little while, I totally understood why tweakers look and act the funny tweaky ways that they do. I couldn’t look at anything for more than a millisecond. I felt like I had god damn facial ticks or something with the way my eyes would just look everywhere, everyway, as soon as I would look at something it was like a pinball machine in my head would bounce my eyes off of that and knock it over to something else, on and on and on.
Then the euphoria came. Whatever I thought about doing, sounded like the best idea in the world. Clean the cat box? HELL YEAH! Walk 3 miles in the cold rain just to feel the outside? HOLY HELL WHAT FUN! Sit and draw an entire color-coded map of my city with every road, highway, bridge, and suburb just in case anyone needs it? LETS DO IT! It got to a point where it was almost scary, because it felt like if I were to NOT do something super active, my head might explode or something.
I went to my neighbors after awhile because I needed some interaction with another person, the poor, poor lady. When I wasn’t asking her to repeat what she said for the 10th time, I was trying to remember what I was just about to say to no avail, and would just spout out something that didn’t even have to do with anything she was talking about. It was like adhd times a million. I could not think one, single, solid thought in my head without forgetting it by the time I reached in end of it. It was actually incredibly frustrating. It was impossible to carry on an actual conversation. Here’s a good example of how the conversation would go:
Her: I went to the store today and--
Me: Oh there’s this new store that opened up over, wait, what was it that opened up?
Her: You said a store opened, but what I was going to say first was—
Me: I know but what did you say before you said that you said a store opened up today?
Her: I didn’t say anything except that I went to the store and—
Me: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, can you start over? What exactly are you saying again? You want me to take you to the store?
Ridiculous. Too fast. Too much. Kind of fun, but after awhile I could not WAIT for it to end. Unfortunately my naïve estimate of it dying down after just a few hours quickly dwindled as the day turned to night, night into morning, and so on until at one point I wondered if I would ever come completely down. About 5 hours after initial ingestion, around 8pm, that craziness kind of calmed down, and I was still sped out, but my thoughts were a LITTLE more together, and that’s actually when the real talking started. Before when they were all congested together, I knew I sounded like an idiot so I tried not to talk, but now that I felt like I had them together I wanted to talk. To everyone. I called just about anyone in my phonebook that would answer and listen.
It kinda sucked and made me feel bad afterwards, because I ended up talking to my mom on the phone for over an hour about how much I want to change my life for the better and a bunch of euphoria hoopla, and she was so excited that I called just to chat with her for that long. It made me feel shitty to know that the only reason was that I was super doped up. Lame. Other people knew what was going on though, and would just let me ramble. I would even tell them on the phone, “Look, I’m totally going to be embarrassed about this later, but I am really spun out right now and I’m by myself and I really need someone to just sit there and let me ramble for a little bit until this goes away, ok?”
Also, on the note of ticks and tweaking actions, I realized meth seemed to make my sense of touch more sensitive, falsely that is. Like I would run my hands through my hair like normal, but now when I did it I could swear I felt all of these bumps and irregularities that I knew in my right mind were not there. At first I started trying like crazy to flatten them all out, and it wasn’t until my wrists hurt and hands were numb from doing it for so long that I kind of froze, held my hands out in front of me, and told myself to chill the fuck out, that this is just the meth doing its thing, nothing is wrong with my hair, and I had to sit on my hands to keep from messing with all of these newly found problems on my body.
Yes I was sure getting a good glimpse into this world, and honestly I had a pretty good opinion of it, UNTIL it got to hour 8, then 9, then 10…and so on, 10 whole hours had gone by and the end was STILL nowhere in sight for me. I could feel the exhaustion that pumped through my body, my head started to throb and ache, and it was weird because on one hand I wanted to collapse on my bed and never get up again, and I looked like it to, but no…my brain would not let me. The meth would not let me. Also this is where my high shifted…from the euphoric speedball to, well, just frustrated speedball. The happiness, euphoria and talkativeness went away, and I was left with just this cracked-out like buzz all through me. I was still speeding like crazy, but now instead of being happy whilst doing it I was growing irritable.
All of a sudden every song that played on my stereo was obnoxious. I turned on the tv, everything was loud and annoying. I tried to sit in the quiet, but that was even worse. The computer almost hurt to look at. And anyone who called or text me made me just want to throw my phone. I couldn’t decide if this was the come down or not though, because with coke, when the high is gone its gone, and you are left feeling lethargic and terrible. With this, I still felt very high in my head, just not enjoyable like the first 10 hours. I think I was just getting sick of it period, and was ready for it to go away. I did my best to drink lots of water and eat something and draw, it helped to distract me. I took 2 lortab 10mgs during the 12th hour, but they didn’t do much to help.
I could also feel my thought process change. Whereas before with the euphoria I thought that everyone wanted to hear everything I had to say and I didn’t care if they didn’t want to, but now it had done a complete 180. Just thinking about me talking to people so much earlier almost made me start crying because I just kept thinking of how much they must think I am this disgusting loser for calling them and they probably called each other afterwards to talk about what a druggie I am even though they don’t know each other…and just really weird, depressing thoughts. Luckily I have pretty good mental control, so I just refused to let myself think any thoughts outside of basic cigarettes, water, food, and solitaire for hours 12, 13, and 14. I couldn’t trust my judgment and thoughts right now, and didn’t.
So here I sit, in hour 15. I am obviously doing much better because I can type this story on the computer, and my thoughts feel almost whole again. My headache has slightly increased though. I still have some moderate dysphoria and an overall “cotton-candy in my head” feeling, but I will totally take this right now compared to what my body went through earlier.
Most people I talk to that have questions about it have the same main question as I had, and that is “How is meth different/similar to coke?” and that is a very good question, and I talked to someone once who gave me a very good answer, that I understand even more now having done both. Put simply, they are both speedy drugs. Very different runs through my body though. COKE, is a “front-door” drug. I do a line of blow and I sit up from the table feeling like someone could kick me in the face and I wouldn’t even feel it. I am instantly hit with the feeling. The come down is hell, but after I tough it out for a few hours its over with.
METH, is a “back-door” drug. It creeps up. And the come down lingers muuuch longer, but is not as miserable as with coke. It slowly layered until all of a sudden I stopped what I was doing and thought, “hey…I’m feeling pretty good!” that turned into damn good, which built into the peaks. Coke is a bad ass that says, “Hey mother fucker I’m here! What!” Meth is kind of the wolf in sheeps clothing that whispers, “Here, give me your hand we’ll stroll through this together” and winks. So hopefully that helps some people out.
My overall opinion so far is…..positive and negative.
Positive in that I did genuinely enjoy it for awhile and I got to see what the hell it is that people like about it, and I am very glad that I waited until now to try it, because not only can I appreciate it and enjoy it more, I have reached an age where I feel like I have learned to exercise control over my body physically, mentally, and emotionally when it comes to drugs. If I had tried this when I was “weaker” in that area at an earlier age, I’m not sure I would have handled it as well.
Negative in that, well, this is truly not a drug to take lightly if you ask me. I think that society gives a lot of drugs a bad rap on not much credibility, and with meth I think that a lot of the mainstream opinions are somewhat fair, and somewhat not. No I did not see clown-faced tree monkeys and think the CIA had tapped my phone from doing meth once. But out of the hundreds of people I’ve known who have done meth, only a handful were able to do it a few times, appreciate it for what it is, and move on.
Lastly I will say this, I am in the end very glad that I ate as much as I did, because if I would have eaten a smaller amount, it would have probably given me just what I needed to want more. Instead I am happy to say that the half gram I swallowed got my ass completely kicked for 15 hours and counting…and now thanks to that, the very last thing I will want when this is all over, is more.
Happy and safe fun to you, now I am going to go stare at my ceiling and try to roll a joint.
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