Follow @Erowid on Twitter!
I Don't Want to Talk About It
DMT (N,N-DMT)
by Martin
Citation:   Martin. "I Don't Want to Talk About It: An Experience with DMT (N,N-DMT) (exp81145)". Erowid.org. Aug 2, 2017. erowid.org/exp/81145

 
DOSE:
60 mg vaporized DMT (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 135 lb


Substance history: alcohol (plenty), cannabis (5 year stoner), LSD (around 100 times), mushrooms (<15), 2c-i, 2c-e, ketamine (2 K-Holes), salvia, mdma (<35), mda(<10), every opiate you could think of, benzos (<10), cocaine (<7), amphetamines(<20), Nitrous (<3), Cactus (mild trip) Plus the combination of god knows how many of these all at once (the hardest prior trip to DMT was LSD, K, cannibis, MDMA all in one)

I think you get it :)

For the last week I have actually sobered up completely! woot woot!! I have been attending NA meetings and I have been feeling much better than expected!
I reside in San Francisco, where many other strange psychonauts also happen to kick it :) Out of the blue, and I mean out of the blue, a girl blesses me 150mg of good N,N-DMT from a reliable source. I decided to partake even though my sobriety was really working out (I figured DMT would not cause a relapse into the dark side of habitual drug use.) My portion of DMT weighed out to 50mg(with a good scale), but my friend left a good sized chunk in the pipe from his miss fire of a trip. So I guesstimate I smoked in between 50-70mg.

I was the only one of three that broke into hyperspace, I took a large large large toke from a free base pipe containing the mossy, greenish orange crystal mass. Before I could exhale an enormous grid of terrible emotions (guilt, shame, fear, regret, ect.) appeared to show itself in front of me. A million demons screamed through my veins and revealed to me my fragile nature. My entire existence was tossed into blackness where I was not welcome and five million demons tore at my emotions and ripped me apart!!! Thank god I blasted through this stage within what seemed like a few minutes, giving way to me shooting into hyperspace at beyond any speed imaginable, so fast that I wasn't even moving.

Once my speed reached motionless, my vision exploded into 2d 3d 4d ever changing multi-dimensional patters that morphed and danced into themselves for eternity! The ever changing patters had an orange tint but resembled every color plus some. At this point I barely knew what was going on, I was completely at mercy to this strange new life. I mustered the strength to ask myself a question, 'where I am.....I' before I got to 'I' the ever changing patterns which happened to be completely full of life and intelligence, STOLE my thought before it could finish, I immediately lost the thought but was left with the realization that my thought had been STOLEN from me?? I tried again with no avail to ask, 'have I died?' Stolen again... after some five attempts to think, I realized this life form did NOT want me to think anymore, being human, I am a slave to my mind and I cannot process anything without thoughts! As I fell through space and time in the beautiful but ever so terrifying alien universe my thoughts constantly surfaced only to be torn from my fragile being. The pattern aliens just wanted me to learn, or watch, or shut the fuck up, I have no idea!?!? It did not scare me, but the fact that the patterning creature of life was consistently stealing my only coping mechanism was not pleasant!! I gazed upon her beautiful presence and was like a baby or dog looking up at his owner, knowing very little, but knowing that this presence was much greater than I.

Before my weak mind could grasp this glory of strange place, I was back on my bed, only about 3-4 earth minutes later (Which felt like millions of years!!!). I had a tape recorder going, and my friend asked me to talk about the experience, all I said was, 'I don't want to talk about it.' hahaha about 20 min later I said 'god it feels so good to be human again, I am so glad I am no longer there!'

For the first time ever I am overly glad to be a mere simple human, stuck on this simple habitual planet called earth. I am grateful for simplicity and a ground to walk on!

I can thank my patterning alien friend(s) for teaching me a lesson about what its like to be in ones place, enjoy your place, do what you can to better it. When and if I am meant to go back to that strange place, OK, but for now I am meant to stay here! Also I think my friend was trying to express a concern with our excessive (human) thinking, maybe its got us into the environmental and social disaster that is known as present day society. Maybe she just wanted me to take in all of this unknown dimension without an human bias, or human interpretation, I found this impossible because I am human haha. I don't want to pretend to know why she took my thoughts, but she did.

Please use caution before ingestion of this powerful key, for me, and I speak for myself, it was NOT fun, it was ONLY an experience, and it was HEAVY as a mother fucker.

Exp Year: 2009ExpID: 81145
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 23 
Published: Aug 2, 2017Views: 1,231
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
DMT (18) : Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center for permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults