Citation: p4p. "Pefect = Purgative = Perfect Again: An Experience with Toad Venom & Nitrous Oxide (exp80874)". Erowid.org. Sep 3, 2009. erowid.org/exp/80874
[Erowid Note: While the author begins this report referencing DMT, the substance which is the subject of the report -- Bufo alvarius secretion -- contains 5-MeO-DMT and trace amounts of bufotenin. 5-MeO-DMT and DMT are different substances entirely and their names are NOT interchangeable.]
As a naturally curious consciousness floating around this dust pebble we all call home (or, at least, home for now), I have managed to gain access to many different chemicals with which to expand my knowledge of consciousness. DMT, however, had remained the most elusive of my pursuits, until a few months ago. I had a friend who had recently regaled me w/ descriptions of his experiences, but unfortunately he had no supply left to give me a first-hand glimpse. His words to me that night seemed a little prophetic, however, as he said 'I've found that this is an experience that finds you.' How true those words were.
A friend and I had driven out to the desert to attend an event put on by another mutual friend a couple months later. We danced and partied until around 3 am, when we both had to be back in town for work the next day. Driving home, I noticed something hopping down the road at my vehicle. Both of us being amateur science enthusiasts, we got out to take a look. Imagine my pleasant surprise when I looked down and found I was staring into the face of a Bufo alvarius toad, one of the many toads prevalent in the desert areas around town. I knew something was special about this little friend, the way it was grinning up at me as though tempting me to reach down and taste the fruits of existence. Unfortunately I was in a hurry and unable to take the toad up on its offer, but at least I knew where this animal friend habits.
About a month later the area was hit w/ a crazy amount of rain, and another friend and I got the idea to go out into the wasteland yet again to see if we could harvest this amazing find. We ended up w/ a good amount of venom after 2-3 trips out to the desert over the course of 2 months. Quick tip, in harvesting toad venom from the wild - we only milk the toads once. Yes, we can milk them twice in an hour, but then we're sending the toad back out into the wild w/o any real defenses for 6 months, and you know that can't be good for karma.
A couple weeks later I was sitting at home packing up for Burning Man, and I decided to try it out. I did this w/o a babysitter (something I don't really recommend, and now wish I hadn't tried the first time but oh well), at home alone, during the middle of the day. I had been feeling pretty down lately about lots of personal matters (love, money, the usual human stuff), and decided that I needed a jump start out of my funk. Since I had the venom available, I decided to give it a whirl. I had ordered a scale off ebay that could measure milligrams, but decided to just eyeball it the first time around (something else I don't recommend, as too much can be REALLY bad and too little can mean almost nothing at all). I loaded up about a match-head size into my pipe, applied a jet flame, and as soon as the pipe smoked up I inhaled the entire hit. I held it in while continuing to flame what was left in the pipe, and in a few seconds the pipe was full of smoke again, which I then inhaled on top of the first hit. One more pipeful of smoke later, and I inhaled the 3rd hit and gently set the pipe and lighter down on my bedside table, laid back on the bed, and waited for eternity to come to me.
It didn't take more than 15 seconds or so. I didn't hear much buzzing, but I felt it coursing through me almost instantly. Pretty soon keeping my eyes open became overwhelming, as patterns of light began crawling all over the walls and the solid objects I knew were there but couldn't quite notice anymore. I closed my eyes, and saw a massive undulating pattern of light. I felt the cracks between the different plates of light get brighter and brighter, almost to the point where I couldn't stand to focus on them anymore. Suddenly everything broke into light, and I felt an overwhelming sense of one word - 'Perfect'.
About 20 seconds later, w/ the word 'Perfect' ringing throughout my mind, the word morphed into 'purgative', and I started to feel a wave of nausea. I quickly made my way to the bathroom across the hall and stripped down to my bare skin, hovered over the toilet, and waited for the massive puking session that never came. After what felt like forever (but was probably less than 2 minutes) I noticed that I was breathing in slow, deep breaths, as I had been doing ever since the overwhelming feeling a few minutes earlier. I realized I wasn't going to purge just this minute, so I stood back up. Before getting dressed again, I looked at myself in the mirror, and I realized that this was the first time I'd really taken the chance to notice my body. I noticed how perfect it looked, and how hideously I had let my life decisions warp and twist my body into a shell of something it should never have been. I don't know if my conscious mind was active at this point, but my subconscious mind made it a point to spend more time working on my life choices so that my body would better match the mind inside.
After a few minutes I made my way back to my bedroom, w/ patterns of light still shifting and meshing together over the 'reality' I knew to be there. About 8-10 minutes in I decided to take a single charger of nitrous just to see how it flowed w/ the experience, and I must say it definitely helped the comedown. Something about nitrous really helps me get back to even when I'm having a difficult or overwhelming experience. Within 20 minutes all but the faintest vibrations were left from the experience, and I was back to normal. I'm looking forward to experiencing Mr. Toad's Wild Ride yet again in the near future, maybe even on the Playa. Though it is definitely not something to be taken lightly, for the consciousness that is trying to challenge itself with a learning experience, I can highly recommend it. My friend was right - if you truly seek the experience, it most likely will find you.
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Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.