Citation: jade dominique. "I Begin Again: An Experience with Tabernanthe iboga (exp80796)". Erowid.org. Feb 13, 2018. erowid.org/exp/80796
Today is the 5th day after I 'awoke' from my 48 hour Iboga initiation. I had in total 16 grams of Iboga root bark powder, around 2 gms of which are a mixture of other alkaloids apart from Ibogaine. A healer/Bwiti priest facilitated.
I fasted and prepared by limiting intake to only pure organic foods and bottled spring water. No caffeine. 4 days prior to my Iboga initiation, I participated in an Ayahuasca ritual which was amazing. I asked Aya if it would not harm me to take Iboga and I got a positive answer. On the night on the initiation, healer asked me to wear white clothes and bathe myself. We started at 8pm. He gave a capsule every 45 minutes to an hour and regularly checked on my blood pressure.
After 6 hours, visions started. I saw African adults and children huddled around me, observing me. I was communicating with Lady Kwan Yin and asking her to show me 'Shambala' but instead I saw on the ceiling my whole life from birth till this moment. In pictures, millions of pictures hanging on the ceiling like leaves. If I put my attention on a 'leaf' then I get to re-live that moment. But not only do I get to touch, feel, smell, hear, see the moment, I also get to see and feel it through the other people with me in it. I saw how other people saw me, I also felt how I affected them. It was humbling. Perspective really does lead to perception!
This went on for 48 hours. Later on, I could simultaneously process more than one 'leaf' or moment at a time. While the Bwiti music was undoing the conditionings I have learnt through the years, I could see by re-living my life how I learned to lie, etc....Basically, I now know why I am the way I am. I saw how I learned to pick up my behaviours.
Although I have been meditating and studying for the past 9 years, there was still a feeling of uncompleteness in me... And now I know, because I have seen where it went 'wrong'. I now know what made me feel 'stuck' for the past 6 years. Now, I feel ready to be a mother and also to have a family.
Towards the end of the initiation, I was talking to God and all the questions I asked I got the answer to. God showed me how much power we have in us and that if we desire something, we can simply choose it! God is not something handing out yes's or no's, not deciding for us. We are creators, whether we are conscious or not.
When I first awoke on Wednesday, I saw the sky for the first time and I cried, it was so beautiful, and the trees! I cried for an hour just looking at the beauty of nature and life! How precious. I realized that Shambala is not a place, but a way of seeing.... If one has the eyes, one will see Shambala. Heaven is truly here! In our midst...
I went out to shop for food and noticed that people were smiling and were kind. I realized that when my inner world changes, so does the rest of the world. As now, I will see the world through different eyes.
My most profound change is that I now live from the Heart Chakra, I realized most of my life I was living in the Sacral, full of needs and wants, concerned about security. Now, I don't feel like getting or taking anything from life, rather I feel so much to give, share, pour out. I am also constantly in beingness, it doesn't matter what I do, I am joyful doing it.
For 2 days straight, I was constantly emotional, not suffering, but tears of happiness, I am overwhelmed by the love I feel, my heart is bursting... I also see how much my parents loved me and this humbles me so much. I have seen how I let people down in the past and that makes me cry too.
Another observation I have is that in these past 5 days, I have never had a negative thought, word or deed enter my mind. I realized negativity is from fear, and fear cannot reside in a space of Love. Fear is the opposite of Love. I cannot imagine saying or doing an unkind word or deed, God says it is not necessary. Also God says... There is no need to lie. So I have vow from now on to speak my truth when asked. I wanted to share my truth here with you guys.
I also noticed that when I awoke on Wednesday, I felt no pain in my body (despite being bedridden for 48 hours), I felt I had a brand new body! I realized I had no pain... Because I had no ego! My egoic self has dissolved and this ego is the one giving us the illusion that we have needs. In truth, we have all that we need. In us! The egoic self also is not an entity that leaves you temporarily and can come back. Rather, I realized that it is a summation of all the conditionings I have learnt along the way, and when this is gone, it is permanent and cannot come back. It is like rebooting your Operating System. I even felt that. I felt like I now have another chance at life. I begin again!
I now know that my relationships with other people is not to find completeness. But to share with them my completeness. Because now I feel complete. And it is amazing! However, I don't have what is called Absolute Awareness, which is the sum total of all my incarnations. I am only complete in this incarnation and have seen my true self. I have committed myself from now on to help and heal those who ask for help and healing.
In the 48 hours, I didn't feel any instance of nausea or uneasiness. I now know that this is because I prepared myself mentally.
Sending Love to all of you. We are truly Blessed!
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