Ayahuasca (B. caapi & P. viridis) & Ritual
Citation: Osta. "Learning to Live: An Experience with Ayahuasca (B. caapi & P. viridis) & Ritual (exp80646)". Erowid.org. Oct 31, 2009. erowid.org/exp/80646
For the evening, I made plans for myself and all of my friends to go to Javier's ceremony, and everybody agreed. However, when the time to go came, all of them changed their minds. I too felt tired, and would have stayed home if I had the slightest excuse to do so. I talked to Javier about the possibility of staying home, but he insisted on me going. I even mentioned the possibility of going just for a healing, without drinking, but he said that it would be better to drink. I decided to listen to him and just go.
There were about 12 people who were going, but they all had something in common. It was a great group, with many friends. I was happy to be part of it.
The ceremony itself was the most amazing I ever had. I understood a lot about the nature of the universe, and about the power of love. I felt like I communicated with God. I could hear spirits all around me, singing along with Javier and his disciples. It was easy to pick out the voices of the female spirits, because I knew there were no women sitting beside me, but whether there were any male spirits singing, I don't know. The spirits knew all of the words of the songs, and sang flawlessly. The first woman had a sort of lazy voice that was slightly out of tune, but the woman who sang after was extremely energetic and sang beautifully. For a while, I just sat and listened.
I had visions and insights about human beings, about how we live, about our ignorance, and about our potential. At a particular moment, I thought about Ninfa. Then I realized that thinking about her may be distracting, so I stopped that thought after a split second. However, it was too late, already the thought had an effect. I felt her come and sit next to me, on my right. It felt beautiful. Then Kirill and Alex came and sat on my left. We were all there together! Throughout the night, I felt many spirits coming and sitting or standing next to me.
I thought about divorce, and people who marry and divorce three times. Something like that cannot be normal. And I realized that people don't know what they are looking for. They have material success, but not happiness. Yet they keep chasing after more material success. What they don't realize is that if you drink salt water and it doesn't clench your thirst, it is of no use to drink more of it.
I saw in a vision how poor people live. The 3 by 3 meter room in which Karina lives with her aging mother came vividly to mind. “These people don't have anything”, I thought. “They are so poor, it's unbelievable.” Maybe Karina met me when she did for a reason. Maybe she really needed some financial help for her birthday. I decided right there that I would give her another 20 dollars as a present. It was clear to me that if one gives, one will receive. I decided to give what I can.
As my trance deepened, Life itself was presented before me. I contemplated it in awe. Every second, life continued. Yet every second was a great mystery. I focused on my breath and tried to stay centered. Realizations came to me, many of which I have now forgotten. For example, I had an idea for a book that would have really helped people to see the spiritual truth of this world. However, later on, when I though about it, I couldn't remember anything I wanted to write.
I saw in my visions that anything that helps life, that allows life and makes us experience it more fully is good and enlightening, while anything that denies life is a sin. Therefore, losing consciousness after drinking alcohol is against life. The more I drink, the less aware I become. The same is true about philosophy. I can write anything I want about philosophy, but if I am not living, what use is any writing? A philosophy is mental, and everything mental is a barrier to living life fully. I saw this in a vision. These realizations about life had a very Buddhist feel about them. I understood the importance of doing things properly. One thing at a time is enough.
As I sat there, just breathing, I felt that I was in direct contact with life. My heart was filled with love for everyone. Everything came back to me, and I saw myself as a central focal figure in this thing called life. I saw each family unit as a basic trinity. The sacred love between the man and the woman, and the presence of the child all had mystical significance. The stories of Adam and Eve and others came to my mind, but not as myths or historical facts. Everything every true religion was talking about was right here, right now.
Soon, very intense cleansing began, and I started to vomit chunks of stuff. It was difficult work. With a lot of force, I expelled one after another huge chunks of stuff. The entire process lasted for about 2 or 3 hours. By the end of it, a chunk got stuck in my throat, and I could feel it with my fingers from the outside. Inside, I felt a pain each time I swallowed. On the way home, I continued throwing up and coughing up small chunks of this piece of phlegm that was stuck in my throat. It looked white and sticky, and I was only able to get rid of tiny pieces of it at a time. The effects of the medicine were gone, but my stomach continued working, collecting old energies to be purged.
We returned home with Lyla, and found the front door locked and the bell disabled. We banged on the door, and tried to climb over several times, but with no effect. Finally, we went downtown and found Alan's number. After dawn, we returned to Alan's house in San Lorenzo and called him, asking him to open the door for us. I then went to the shower, where I sat for a while enjoying the hot water and spitting the remains of the phlegm in my throat.
During the ceremony, I took off my shirt and walked around without it. I was sweating profusely, so it helped a little bit.
Javier also told me several times that I will be a very famous painter. He said that I will be great, and I was very happy to hear it. I could see it myself in a vision after he said it. I saw that the first thing I needed to do was double my prices, and I also saw that I would sell some paintings. The next morning, I indeed doubled the prices.
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