I Said 'I Can Stop Whenever I Want'
Morphine
by suspicious snake
Citation:   suspicious snake. "I Said 'I Can Stop Whenever I Want': An Experience with Morphine (exp80383)". Erowid.org. Oct 9, 2016. erowid.org/exp/80383

 
DOSE:
    Morphine

BODY WEIGHT: 185 lb


I told everyone who knew about my Morphine habit I can stop whenever I want. And I believed I could. The only reason I am sober today is because I can't find it anymore. I guess I have a shred of self control. I am not willing to pay more then it's worth. Or upgrade to heroin or downgrade to percocet. As much as I am addicted to the stuff, I am more addicted to food, money, and shelter.

I started using Morphine once of twice a week, always on poker night and maybe the next day if something cool was going on. But then I moved smoothly into using it every day. Because I was getting it for a good price I was not too concerned. Also I kept telling myself I could stop whenever I wanted. The mental high is was I am hooked on now. Right now I can't even remember what it feels like physically. The Morphine gave me this feeling of not caring about anything. That must be the way I am meant to think because not caring about anything is the best feeling in the world. It helped me get through so much. I have been working like crazy this last year, far away from family and friends and without Morphine I don't think i would have made it. When I'm high all I see are the solutions not the problems.

It's too bad it ended for me, for now. I would keep doing it for the rest of my life if I had a source. Even having gone through the horrible withdrawal I would still use it. Being free is all that matters. I'll probably end up paying more for something one of these days because even though I tell myself I won't, I can't be trusted.

[Reported Dose: '30-150mg']

Exp Year: 2009ExpID: 80383
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Oct 9, 2016Views: 2,669
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Morphine (211) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)

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