Citation: Ed. "DP/DR and a Healthy Dose: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp80021)". Erowid.org. Jul 24, 2009. erowid.org/exp/80021
[Erowid Note: While the author reported the substance as 5-MeO-DMT, and references 5-MeO-DMT in the report, he also refers to 'DMT' in the original title and in the report. 5-MeO-DMT and DMT are different substances entirely and their names are NOT interchangeable. This report is categorized as a 5-MeO-DMT report, and it is assumed that the author means 5-MeO-DMT and not DMT. However, because of the ambiguity in the substance name, it is uncertain whether the author is speaking about 5-MeO-DMT throughout the report or not. If the author wishes to clarify please email corrections to erowid dot org.]
What DMT [sic?] feels like..
A brief introduction... I suffer from DP DR [depersonalization/derealization] not constantly but certain triggers can give me an episode that lasts anywhere from a few hours to a few days.. When im having an eposide I can't sleep I just .. I dunno its hard to explain, I just watch my life flow by, tick tock .. tick tock.. like everything goes by hazy and uninterrupted. I see it all but feel nothing from it. I feel that the use of drugs have helped me deal with DP/DR and mild depression, I will explain why at the end.
So DMT [sic?]... As was said once before by another member of our community RE. Salvia, It would not be out of place to describe DMT as the transport mechanism depicted in the film Contact.
It comes as small gooey or crystally lumps, I smoke about a match head to a pea sized lump and the main effect lasts for 15 - 30 mins and the after effects for about an hour. It is the most potent hallucinogenic substance I have ever taken and I wouldn't be surprised if there was nothing else stronger on this planet, its not a party drug, in fact, I知 not sure you could even call it a drug at all, its scary if you don't know what to expect and I would have a hard time describing any trip on 5-Meo-DMT as comfortable.
The effects of DMT [sic?] for me are this. About 5 seconds after I inhale I feel myself falling forward. I fall and fall and eventually I realise that I'm not where I started. Everything around me has changed, I'm not in the same room anymore, vibrant colours and geometric shapes shrinking and expanding go on for infinity, I feel patterns and colours like emotions, its like theres an added depth to this place, an extra dimension that did not exist in the room I was in 2 mins ago.
My thoughts race, I know I'm thinking, and thinking hard but I cant make out many of my own thoughts, I can only make out those that I feel the strongest. The landscape before me turns beyond surreal I see objects, memories, as if they were shared with my self, like the person doing the thinking now was not the same person that experienced those memories all those years ago. I remember seeing events that I must have experienced in my past, not like played out in a movie but just recollections of them, but not realising they were mine.
I remember the sensation that time had dissapeared, this is perhaps the second hardest thing to describe about psychedelics, especially DMT [sic?], to feel outside time is not like feeling that time has sped up or stopped. The feeling of time speeding up, slowing or stopping is something common with other drugs such as acid and shrooms, some people like it some don't, for me, I associate time slowing down as kinda seeing the end of my life coming to a close. Once I had a trip, at the time it was most definitley bad, but I learnt alot from it. I felt time slowly grind to a halt, then as time was almost stopping I saw the world turn a darker shade, sounds started to slow down and distort, my movements seemed slower (coincidentally the tower clock bell rang at that precise time), I was convinced that when time stopped I would be dead.
Anyways, with DMT [sic?]its different, its not a manipulation of my perception of time, its the absence of time itself, as if I am outside it, outside reality altogether, some people describe that kinda place as being dead, others as what a coma must feel like if you could remember it others as a place you go to when you池e in the instance of dying.
Either way, I can see the common theme, DMT [sic?] is so powerful and its effects so utterly indescribable that my mind cant compute that its just a drug, that the effects aren't 'real', because theres nothing to compare it to. When I知 on acid I see fractal patterns on a wall, and because I can see the wall and reality around me I can reassure myself that its just the drug, but when reality disappears, when I知 somewhere else altogether, how do I tell myself that reality still exists? I can't convince myself that the room is still there, because to me its not. So my brain thinks, what if I am dead what if I took too much and died, is this whats after life. Then this is the moment when most people make a choice that decides whether they come back to reality crying and screaming or whether they learn something. I can either give in to the feeling of not being 'alive' let go of the worry and accept that where I am is where I am, that what is happening and what has happened is happening, in which case I am able to just enjoy the experience, think about my problems and analyse my life from a perspective that most people never get the chance to experience. The name for this experience I think is ego death, its written about in many books and widely accepted, in effect its pretty much to me like accepting my own death, being in the moment of dying and instead of saying fuck this I知 gonna fight it kicking and screaming, I say, hey its not that bad. Or I can fight it, I can spend the next 10 or so minutes (what can feel literally like an eternity) in abject terror horrified and trying to claw my way through hell trying to find a reality that by now is so far away that I dont even know if it still exists.
So theres my take on it, then eventually I come back to earth :-) and spend the next little while with a glowy nice feeling, or if I had a bad trip I spend the next little while the most relieved person on earth now that I知 back in my safe, robust and explainable world.
Anyways, to the point, Ive been writing for ages now so I wont spend too long on it, but drugs have really helped me with DP/DR, I know its a dangerous thing to say, they haven't made the attacks less frequent or less vivid. But its the way in which I perceive them that has changed, the same with my depression too, its still there but no longer such a big problem, because I've seen it from another perspective, I've understood that with all the complexities and worries and headaches that we make for ourselves in life, only very few of them need to be experienced, problems can turn into challenges with just a flick of the mind, tears into opportunities, no medication, no expensive treatment, no problem lists and no analysing just simply looking out at the world through a different pair of eyes. 'Illegal' Drugs have helped me in the same way that legal drugs have helped bi-polar people. They gave me the opportunity to understand that I wasn't seeing the whole picture that I had been staring at my life so hard and so close up that all that was visible to me was one bad apple in an entire field of good apples, I understood that stuff really wasnt that bad.
Take care peeps :)
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