Citation: Tycone. "Ego Rebooted, Reformated, and Defragmented: An Experience with Ketamine (exp79954)". Erowid.org. Sep 24, 2009. erowid.org/exp/79954
To start off I would like to mention that until this trip I had not touched Ketamine in about 6 months, yet I suspect a tolerance still lingered from an old daily Ketamine habit I once had. Hours prior I obtained a fresh sealed 10ML/500mg vial of some Indian Ketamine and two 3CC .22 gauge syringes.
To start off the night I loaded up a syringe with ~50mg of Ketamine and intravenously injected it into a vein. Instantly the very much missed Ketamine took effect. Rapidly a very clean sterile like buzz and warmth over took my body accompanied by an audio buzzing sensation over took me. My body became very heavy, and felt as if concrete was being poured all over my body. I laid back and enjoyed a very mellow inebriation. Surprised by the lack of intensity on the psychedelic aspect of that injection, I waited approximately 20 minutes until I felt I could safely inject again.
I was still well under the influence of the last injection but, this time I sucked up 1.5CC’s, about 75mg of Ketamine, and knowing what probably awaited me I laid in bed before I pushed the plunger down. As the plunger was going down I felt a major boost in the influence of the drug. It took some effort to quickly and safely take out the syringe and drop it on my nightstand. Very quickly I was swept up into the long missed ride. At this point I do not think I could even do so much as lift my arm, the drug was now in control. My room started expanding in a very unproportional way. The structure of the room started taking on psychically impossible shapes almost like parts of it where in other dimensions and I seemed to be falling away from it. I slipped into what seems like a void from memory but I believe my memory just won’t recall, because when I awakened from this so called void I was repeating a comforting verbal thought in my head for the purpose of anchoring myself to keep control. I thought I might have actually been saying it aloud the whole time too, but eventually I found myself speaking it very sloppily. I waited a little bit until I could gather my thoughts and become mobile again.
This time I contemplated going further then I have ever gone before. I wanted to Intravenously inject 150MG of Ketamine at once. I believe it was about 45 minutes after my last injection and I felt ready for it, so I opened a new syringe and filled nearly all 3CC’s up, leaving a just about unnoticeable space in the syringe for the pull back. I was still very intoxicated from my last injection but, I got in the mind set, that this would be better for this large of an injection so it wouldn’t be much of a brick to the face as feeling baseline would have been. Laying in bed under my covers I inserted the needle and pulled back the plunger the tiny bit I could, blood very beautifully swirled through the Ketamine solution and I waited a few moments. I pushed it down fast and quickly slipped it out and dropped into onto the floor next to me.
Instantly an extreme rush of overwhelming sensations overpowered my body and mind. In my head, my ego felt as though it was being dissolved and I remember very quickly my body sunk down into the bed going pretty deep, as I was going down I caught a glimpse of my room it was bright neon blue and there were very detailed and intricate geometric patterns flowing and swarming throughout the air. All sensory perception disappeared, in what must have only been seconds after I had dropped the syringe. The drug now forcefully turned off everything that was “me”, my entire consciousness shut down. From there it rebooted my consciousness, but when it booted back up it wasn’t “me”, it was an empty shell of a consciousness, a blank ego. It was like the drug was reformatting my brain for a new person. One by one traits, qualities, and memories of another ego were being uploaded into the empty shell that my brain was running. After awhile enough of this information had been uploaded to constitute a person. I still didn’t know exactly who I was or even what I was. I started piecing together the information that had already been uploaded and I started making connections. Apparently the other ego that had been being installed was actually myself. All I could make sense of at this point was that I was just some kid who does a lot of drugs.
As I was still trying to piece back together what was what and who I was, my brain started partially processing visual information again, my room was so distorted and rapidly changing settings I couldn’t even make out what it was. Eventually I realized that I had taken a drug and I knew it was Ketamine. Eventually I had figured out my own name and I had a very basic understanding of who I was, and also that I was in my room. At this point I thought I had realized that I was just coming off my last Ketamine trip 6 months ago and I was back where I left off in January. But something didn’t make sense, I had a few memories of being in the place I was stuck in over the past 6 months. After some time everything started to come to me, and I was back, to the place I should be at the right time. Eventually I was able to with much effort get out of bed and stumble around, but I was still delirious so I laid back down and took some time to figure everything out.
The drug had seemed to defragmentize my ego much like a computer would defrag itself. I felt like “I” ran much better and more efficiently then I used too. I faintly remember ending the night with a few more small dose injections before going to bed. That large injection had been the largest injection I had ever done. Surprisingly I feel that even with such high doses, the drug was much gentler with me then it has in the past even with much smaller doses, it took good care of me that night and I feel this trip was greatly beneficial to give me a reminder of who I am and what constitutes me.
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