Citation: Matthew L H. "Addiction: Beginning to End (Continued): An Experience with Buprenorphine & Naloxone (Suboxone) (exp79915)". Erowid.org. Jul 13, 2009. erowid.org/exp/79915
Week two of Suboxone treatment.
So far, so good. Last week I took the medicine as prescribed. Towards the end of the script I had a rough few days, and took four a day twice. Ran out one day before my appointment, and beside a headache, was fine until my refill. It should be noted my body will not process more than 38 mils. of suboxone within a twenty four hour time span. Anyways, the medicine has been wonderful. The constantly nagging nature of addiction is not present, and I have been able to function like a human being again. Like, I mean, I dont have to think of a way to get high every day, and spent alot of time and energy in the process. I have been around people who are using, and I do not suggest it but, it did not bother me, mostly because I am relatively committed to being clean, and the suboxone helped, and I knew I would not get high even if I tried.
I will admit that I do get periods when I think about it, which I normally follow up with a half a sub. The Dr. said to me 'this is your medicine, and your body, and should be taken as you need it, both in the sense of how you feel physically and mentally. I have given you guidelines, but you are the one who will know best.'
Physically, I have felt a little tired in the mornings until I take a pill, which I try to put off as long as possible, slightly energetic after the pill, and then I feel nothing. The nothing is sometimes a nice feeling, and sometimes a thing that frustrates me. I'm trying to stay in the mindset of that I am sick, and am taking this medicine to get well. Subs really will not get me high, so there is no point in trying. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping, and sometimes slight constipation, both of which the Dr. said are normal. I can feel my body has built a tolerance already, which is why I am now trying to only take two a day. I DO NOT want to stay on suboxone very long (as you may come to understand in the next paragraph.) So am trying to not have to step down for too long from it.
The cost... Hmmm... Well, as I wrote previously, this Dr. visit was free. He wrote me a three week (Qnty 63) supply of pills. I dropped it off at Wal-greens this time (last time CVS) knowing full well I could not afford the prescription in whole, and would have to arrange to get them out as installments. The entire script cost $426.00, which both the pharmacist and I were shocked to learn. Again, I am without insurance, and unable to receive Financial aid through the manufactures (Each Dr. is allowed to assist two patients for a practice under sixty, and three patients for a practice exceeding 60). So, I am getting my pills out in increments of nine, as I can. This cost $71.56
Over-all, I am extremely happy to be clean. I have found it useful to stay busy, not talk to people who I was pretending to be friends with because they were needed to get high in some way during the addiction, and focus more on the people I know for sure are my real friends. My biggest hurdles have been loneliness, boredom (cant remember a time when I didn't remedy that with getting fucked up) and the ache of feeling both emotional and physical pain in its full force for the first time in a long time. You must be prepared to address issues you didn't even know you had shoved down inside you, as there is no longer the Ultimate Numbing Device there to help. Seriously, boredom and the lack of heroin really make things start coming back and makes me deal with them. I never realized how little I was not processing and suppressing when I was using... But yes, I'm thinking straighter, look better, find working is easier, my mood is MUCH improved, and am beginning to have interest in things again, like guitar, and writing, and sex (not getting any tho...), not being an asshole, and friendships instead of cohabitation and symbiotic/ using each other 'Friendships.'
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