Citation: Jesusgreen. "Journey into the Infinite: An Experience with Ketamine (exp79579)". Erowid.org. Feb 14, 2010. erowid.org/exp/79579
||(powder / crystals)
||(powder / crystals)
It was coming to the end of a long day. Before this day I had only used Ketamine a total of four times. Each rather low doses, producing euphoric feelings, and a bit of detachment from my body. These experiences were all very pleasant, and so I purchased quite a small amount (0.5g) to do a bit of experimentation. The night before I used around 0.05g, once again for the euphoric effects, but this day I was going to change things. There are quite a few bits and pieces that I simply cannot explain in words, and there are other pieces that have disappeared from my memory, but I wrote this account as best as I could.
When using Ketamine, I use small lines, as it allows me to take very specific doses. Throughout the day I used 0.2g, this kept me feeling amazing all day, with some difficulty walking, and a tendency to speak my thoughts aloud. However, by the time it reached 10pm, I was feeling quite sober (albeit very happy), and I still had 0.25g left.
I started by taking one small line, which left me feeling nice, but wanting more. So right after it, I did another. Quickly I began to feel dizzy, and my typing skill started to deteriorate, but before I knew it I had done another two small lines. Eventually I gave in and simply snorted the rest of what was left, until the wrap was left empty and bare.
Within a minute or two it hit me hard, and I was really struggling to continue my conversations on MSN. I quickly closed my browser, and began to focus all my energy on trying to keep up meaningful conversations, as I could feel myself falling, and I knew the 'K Hole' awaited me. Soon my typing started to turn to gibberish, and I knew I would simply be bugging my friends if I continued to try and type, so I said goodbye and signed off. I could feel the music I was listening to wash over me in waves, it was an extremely pleasurable experience, but I was beginning to get scared, I had never felt this detached from my body before. 'What if I'm dying?' I asked myself, and suddenly I felt extremely empty and terrified of what might happen. I knew I had to stop my music, so I quickly closed my music player, and switched off my computer. I then proceeded to head to bed so that I could lay down for a while.
After the struggle to reach my bed, in which I nearly fell over a few times, I felt a little calmer. Most of my body felt numb now, and I could only feel any of it if I moved. I signed back onto MSN with my mobile, as I felt like I might be able to communicate easier while laying down, but this was a mistake. I continued to say really random and strange things to my friends, as I would tell them what I was experiencing, so they got worried, and I decided it was best to sign off again. I could feel my body being absorbed, I was being dragged down into some form of abyss, I tried to struggle but eventually I gave in and let myself go.
Once I was in the 'K Hole', everything lost its meaning. I was no longer a person, just an entity, and everything I saw was meaningless. Everything started to fade to black, and I knew then that I was dying. I didn't want to die, I suddenly regretted taking a bigger dose than normal, as I thought I would never see my friends or family again, and this was the end. There was a sort of click and suddenly I could see the room again, it was lit with a strangely surreal white glow. I was experiencing every emotion at once, from pure happiness to extreme pain and terror. The strange thing was, the overall feeling was simply amazing, and even the bad feelings served only to make it better. I started to hear a subtle voice, it kept muttering things, things I couldn't make out, but then I realised what it was trying to say, 'This is heaven.'
Time seemed to slow down to a halt, and it was like every experience I have ever had was relived, all of my memories brought to the front of my mind, and then tossed away again. I was experiencing everything and nothing at the same time. Soon the glow started to shift, and I began to look up at the ceiling, where the glow still remained. I had an intense feeling that this remaining glow was 'God', only it was no human, and it was no single entity, it was almost like 'God' was an expression or feeling rather than a person. This part of my experience is the hardest to explain, but I felt as if I was being purified by this 'God'. Suddenly I was on MSN again, reliving the conversation I had a few minutes ago, and once again signing off. I felt the experience of heaven once more, and then everything slowly but surely faded to black.
The final part of my experience was just a total utter darkness, it felt as though time had stopped completely, or rather, as if I'd left time behind, and travelled outside of everything for a while. This continued for what seemed like forever, until even this darkness faded out. I then woke up the next morning feeling extremely light-headed and happy, like I would after smoking a couple of joints, only minus the paranoia and confusion.
In conclusion, all I can say is that this was the most profound and interesting experience of my entire life, and I believe Ketamine is a very valuable research chemical, both scientifically and spiritually. I truly experienced infinity that night, and I would be very happy to relive the same experience, despite the terror I went through initially.
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