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Heaven and Hell and Back Again
DMT
by White Wedding
Citation:   White Wedding. "Heaven and Hell and Back Again: An Experience with DMT (exp78748)". Erowid.org. Jul 1, 2009. erowid.org/exp/78748

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
50 mg smoked DMT (powder / crystals)
  T+ 1:00 50 mg smoked DMT (powder / crystals)
  T+ 2:00 50 mg smoked DMT (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 10 kg


Dose:

We are making approximate measurements from a pile of 350mg of DMT. I believe the doses were each around 50mg but can't be sure. I think the first was over and the last was under.

Method:

We are smoking through a glass pipe. One long breath.

Set and Setting:

I am camping with friends in high spirits. The first 2 trips were at night (the first inside the tent and the second outside). The 3 trip was at dawn, initially inside the tent. I was the first to trip. The 2nd trip was after witnessing one of my friends get very, very confused on DMT (this looked quite bad) and hearing that another (Ben) and seen skulls as things went wrong on the come-up (though was calm and content that he'd be OK). Ben and I went into the 3rd trip together - meditating first (although only for a couple of minutes).

Personal History:

I am not new to psychedelic drugs. I have taken LSD many times (maybe I'll write some reports on this), I have abused pills when younger (some very psychedelic). I enjoy mixing Ketamine and MDMA for the psychedelic trips created and have tried several other seritonergic psychedelic drugs: 2CI, 2CB, 2CE (extreme!), 5MeO-DIPT (intense - but calm) and magic mushrooms. I have taken various other drugs but feel my real interest is only with psychedelics. I have tried DMT and Changra before but only in doses which induced a mediative and relaxing state (and amazing afterglow).

I am 21 and when 17 spent a week on LSD. This left me in on and off hell for a few years - I was tripping out all the time - the fear of it driving me down and down, wondering when the time would come that I would have to commit suicide. I gave up drugs for several years and now I'm better - and upon coming out of it I went wild again. I can still trip out - all the time (more after caffeine, lack of sleep) but am in control of it now (I tend to see it more as an added abilily). I am now in the second year of a Mathematics degree and have a keen academic interest (sometimes obsessively so) in the world around me.

THE EXPERIENCE:

Shit! What the fuck! My head is spinning everywhere! My eyes are closed but i'm certainly looking at my own little corner - in the corner of the tent. I hear Rachel shout in pain, well aware that I'm crushing her. I attempt to roll over further into the corner - surprisingly quite aware of the original reality around me.

I see the silhouette of Ben (although in a more gargoyle like form) in the exact position that I saw him as I fell back - although I am not quite sure if I am facing in that direction or the opposite. I am shitting it! - totally on edge! - this is some crazy shit you've been playing with man - God - I cannot believe you've done this! (My words will never be able to capture the terror of this moment so I will stop now).

The character in my vision (the one in Ben's place) is now clearly not Ben - it has more the features of a woman and is coming towards me slowly. In addition I feel a spirit towards the back left of me, gradually taking human form - I cannot tell whether they are real or not - having by now lost all bearings on the real world. My mind is flashing through things - sometimes my focus is on visual patterns coming from somewhere - I dunno - can't analyse it - it's just all far to much to cope with...

Wow - my mind is starting to clear up now - it's starting to open up like a flower. It's as if I can start to look around me. I feel my breath becoming deeper, fuller - oh my God I feel it now! The spirit characters are becoming clearer, human-like individuals. Most of my focus is on the woman (originally Ben) who is coming forward to sit next to me - talking to me in a voice which sounds like air being sucked backwards through the lips. However, these characters are and object of confusion - a distraction from the true beauty surrounding me...

I'm on a desert plane with the woman and my (masculine) friend/enemy (unsure of this) to the back left. It is if there are many objects on this plane - I am observing clearly them all at once but can't actually pinpoint precisely what any one object is. However, the beauty of the plane was insignificant to that of the space surrounding it...

It's as if, although still seated on it, I am somehow risen from the plane - as are the 2 figures with me. It's as if we are giants looking down on the relatively microscopic human population below. This height lets me observe the space as if I was inside it and I am in true awe of what I behold...

From everywhere in this space is coming pure intuition and knowledge. Like the plane, I am focusing on everything at once yet not specifically viewing any single object. I am literally staring at EVERYTHING. It's so amazing, so beautiful, so natural - there is no way that this space is an artificial construct - this is in our minds all the time and is meant to be. It is as if we are all moles underneath the surface of sand - with radio masts attached to our heads, picking up intuition from this space; but now I'm up there in full view of it - I have been blind all my life but now my eyes are open (although still physically closed). This is total ecstasy (although admittedly there is still some element of sketch and confusion in my mind from the havoc earlier).

I hear a cry from Rachel again so open my eyes to get some bearings on how I'm acting in the physical world. I can't help but to make exclamations/sounds of pure joy and amazement - my emotions are so strong that I can't keep them contained inside. I keep opening my eyes to try and talk, then closing them (usually on command from Ben that I should enjoy my time and explain it later). All the time I now see amazing geometric patterns in front of my eyes although I can only really focus on them with my eyes closed.

The similarities to meditation are strong. Like when I meditate, the visuals have a clear centre - there are patterns and patterns - totally symmetric in infinite detail. In fact - these visual are exactly the type I see in meditation, just far stronger. I can still see the space of knowledge around me (although my attention has now become somewhat entwined with the visuals). Now I sense the familiarity of this - it feels like the space surrounding me in meditation - everything feels like meditation. Is it the observation of this space that people refer to as enlightenment?

As far as I am aware, the spirits are now gone.

I am starting to talk now - laughing - repeating short paragraph (unto my knowledge) about 3 times over. I am laughing - laughing hysterically - loving every moment - loving explaining my story to the tent!

1 HOUR LATER...

Wo! I know this! My mind is racing through many thoughts whilst I am simultaneously observing the geometry that my thoughts are flowing in in front of my (closed) eyes. It's like a roller-coaster at the speed of light (I wonder if this is what people may regard as their life flashing before there eyes). Each thought has either good or bad connotations. Those which are good brighten up the world around me - those which a bad darken it up.

I am aware that I am outside and can still see the trees around me. Geometric patterns are starting to form around me and the flower is starting to open up. Somehow (perhaps though paranoia of the experience) my thoughts have become negative. Everything is becoming darker. I see many demons ahead of me - somehow one with the geometric patterns. I can hear them all - like a chorus of pitch-less whistles. Suddenly a burst positivity hits my now slowing down thoughts - it's as if I am moving forwards into a bright light in the centre of my vision. However, this is short lived (like a bump on a roller coaster) and I slide back towards the darkness behind me. I feel I have found an equilibrium point now and can now start to observe, in fascination, where I am...

Everything is much more well defined than my experience the hour before. I am lying on my back, suspended in the centre of a tunnel. Outside this tunnel is the space I had experienced previously. However, the view of it is somehow obscured by the walls of the tunnel. These wall are truly amazing - they are not 2 dimensional but rather a multitude of different spaces having a combined geometry similar to that of a flower. Geometry is everywhere - geometric shapes a suspended in space all around my head (each shape seems to contain more than just empty space - something is going on inside everything).

I am lying with my legs in front of me. Behind me the tunnel continues to infinity, becoming darker and darker as it descends into the depths of hell. In front of me are the demons arranged in a geometric pattern. They are either pulling me out of the tunnel or pushing me back (I'm unsure which - but comfortable that I have found a stable state). In the centre of the demons is an (almost) circular gap where the tunnel opens out. I am starting at a beautiful, blinding white light at the end of the tunnel... And now I know what is through the end of the tunnel (what the light really is) - the pure, unadulterated view of the space surrounding it. Wow - I know it now! This is all fitting together - crystal clear in front of my eyes!

I open my eyes and have a dull vision of forest around me - dulled by the overwhelming visualisation of the world described above. They shut again soon after (I think). Opening my eyes seems to give me some grounding on reality. I feel a warmth enter my body - something I had forgotten in the coldness of the tunnel. I stand up with the exclamation 'That was darker than before' - but laughing now - filled with ecstasy (albeit a kind of dark ecstasy). I look at the world in front of me and am amazed by what I see...

I am looking at the 3 dimensional world but simultaneously at a plane, horizontal to me, filled with brilliant geometric patterns - alive with motion. I can see stars around me - distinct from the 3 dimensional normal reality that I'm also observing. It's as if my mind can comprehend many different geometrical views at once. I'm telling this to Ben (while watching it). We both know what each other's saying as we converse on the way back to the tent.

1 HOUR LATER...

I am meditating when it hits. Wow - it's hit hard. My mind is struggling to keep the focus of meditation - I didn't meditate for that long before hand - I think that after a longer period of meditation in future, I should be able to pass cleanly through.I can hear the birds outside. Their song is reverberating around my head creating an essence of calm and tranquility as a backdrop for the chaos in my mind.Last time I was watching my thoughts in a tight geometry but this time (clearly due to the meditation) it's as if there geometry is surrounding a spherical space - in smooth motions - like demons attacking some sacred ball.

There are no characters which I am fully aware of this time (except the birds, flying around me). I can see that now all to familiar flower around me - each petal is another 'plane of consciousness. Everything is tinted orange/red.

Suddenly my mind clicks - MUSIC! God - I have to play music - see what that looks like! I sit up and open my eyes to search for a mobile phone. I can see Ben next to me, lying down (after he tells me that the characters were dancing around him.) I hear the voices of the others coming towards the tent - they are back from London. When they enter I am talking to them but keep being blown back, laughing. Ben's up now and sunlight is pouring in through the door of the tent. We unanimously decide to venture outside...

The sky is amazing! Bright azure with an amazing psychedelic sparkle and shine about it - reality is so clear now - looking at it gives me a spark of pure ecstasy. Ben's motionless - staring in front of him as a man is coming up the path. I'm laughing, saying 'not here - this is a family campsite - we'll be arrested or something'.

We walk to the toilet block. Around me everything is form of polygons. The leaves of the trees are as if they are made of many diamond shapes, overlapping. Is it the case that our mind somehow forms the complex image of an object in our consciousness by adding layers and layers of simple polygons. Everything is geometry - all our thoughts - everything!

I am in the toilet now - staring at the top plumbing of the urinal. Every detail in it is moving smoothly - no longer the discrete geometry of outside. I feel a fast rush of euphoria - an expanding of my consciousness (as if somehow rising backward, getting wider) as I stare in awe at. Everything is moving however I want it to. Once again - I am observing everything but not directly focusing on a single thing... I am staring into the face of God.

Exp Year: 2009ExpID: 78748
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jul 1, 2009Views: 9,516
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DMT (18), Meditation (128) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Entities / Beings (37), Glowing Experiences (4)

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