Citation: bentradio. "Ten Months of Use: An Experience with Lorazepam & Clonazepam (exp77992)". Erowid.org. Jul 26, 2018. erowid.org/exp/77992
I first got prescribed Ativan in July of 2008 for treatment of panic attacks (with agoraphobia) and insomnia. The dose was 1mg to be taken twice daily. Naturally, knowing the recreational potential of this medication from the getgo, I took 2mg my first night. I just remember laying down on my bed at around 10pm fully clothed (which I normally undress before bed) and the next minute I'm waking up at noon the next day in exactly the same position I laid down in.
I mostly stuck with my doctor's orders of taking the 1mg of Ativan twice daily, with the occasional 5 or 6mg dosages to get trashed. Eventually after a few months it quit working so I asked him to up the dosage to 2mg twice daily. This new dosage really stupefied me. I lost the wit and the argumentive ability I used to possess. I got fired from my new job, they never gave me an official reason but I always believed it to be because my supervisor thought I was mentally challenged or something.
Shortly after I got fired my doctor decided, in his immense knowledge, to lower my dose from 2mg to 1mg three times daily, saying 'This will work better I think'. Well, it didn't. I don't think you can take someone from a higher dose of a medication down to a lower one that they're already tolerant to and expect it to work. So I started doubling up on my dosages. Doubling up and also the 5mg recreational dosages would make me run out early, which sparked the hunt for more pills to combat the withdrawals. Oh, by the way, the withdrawals are utter hell. Muscle cramps/spasms, tremors, cold sweats, nightmares just to name a few; fatalities and seizures are also reported from suddenly stopping the medication.
In between visits I guess my regular doctor quit or retired or something (he was in his 70s) and I get this new doctor. I told him about the doubling up and he suggested for me to take 1mg of Klonopin in the morning because of its longer half-life, then to take the 1mg of Ativan in the afternoon and before bed to basically keep a therapeutic level of medication in me at all times without increasing the dosage of either one of the meds. He also said that Klonopin is about twice as strong as Ativan milligram per milligram, he wasn't lying, it was like taking 2 or maybe 3mgs of Ativan and actually better because it didn't knock me out like the Ativan did. This worked great up until bedtime when I would take my 1mg dose that wouldn't work, which I would end up waking in the middle of the night several times with anxiety. This coupled with my insurance saying I can only get one benzo prescription in a 30 day period made things difficult.
At my latest appointment with my doctor I went into the office with the notion of discussing the insurance problem and maybe getting him to give me 1mg of Klonopin to take three times a day. This changed when I witnessed a woman having a nervous breakdown in the waiting room, talking with her friends, crying, saying she crashed her car on the way here and only one day after her doctor cutting her back from a 2mg Klonopin dosage down to a 1mg she was having severe withdrawals. I could see her shaking badly, her speech was stuttered, she was a complete emotional wreck, kinda like how I felt when I ran out of Ativan. That was the turning point, I went into his office and basically told him to taper me off of this garbage. I wasn't going to end up like that woman.
A week later I write this. I've been on this taper routine a week and things are going good. The taper dosage is 1mg of Klonopin in the morning and .5mg at bedtime. I can feel bursts of anxiety in between dosages, but that's all to be expected. I also feel bursts of myself returning to me, my wit, my thoughts, I don't feel as slow at times. If everything works out, little by little I'll regain pieces of my old self back, that's the hope anyway.
I think benzos should only be taken sporadically on an as needed basis. Otherwise one might be on it for life. If one thinks they can do anything in between they are just going to give themselves a lot of problems. Also, I guess people say that benzos have a recreational effect, you can get the same effects from drinking alcohol (dizziness, loss of coordination, blackouts) and alcohol is a lot easier to get. Though they do kill any anxiety one might have, and one will sleep like a baby when taking them.
This was my experience.
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