Citation: my-life'th-a-meth!. "Love Hate Relationship With It: An Experience with Methadone (exp77289)". Erowid.org. Nov 13, 2015. erowid.org/exp/77289
I've never touched recreation drugs, barely drank, and never smoked. Yet in my '30's after an operation I was prescribed oxycontin, quickly became both physically dependent and psychologically addicted, my life spiraling out of control. I didn't break any laws to obtain opiates, unless you consider getting overly friendly with a doctor for ulterior motive.
I'm not proud of how messy my life got, and how out of control I became. I ended up in hospital after a psychotic episode brought on by the mixture of painkillers and sleepers I was on. Decided to get myself some help and climb out of my big black hole.
Was advised by a drug and alcohol clinic to try methadone. Noticed relatively quickly when my dose was being titrated upward, that the side effects were pleasant. Have never had heroin but I imagine the rush is similar to that of oxycontin. I didn't have that with methadone, but after about 30 minutes I would start to feel warm and happy. Moreso the higher my dose crept up.
I was aware that what goes up must come down, so I did worry when my dose went over 100..
Now at 180 and I look forward to the pleasant few hours after my dose when all my problems fade away. I do think it's possible to have a daily 'high' without seeking illicit drugs and breaking the law, or any serious long term or social effects. It is a bit embarrassing going to the pharmacy every day, there is stigma. But I don't feel morally wrong, or guilty about enjoying the effects of methadone.
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