Citation: Ryan J. "Delusions of Grandeur: An Experience with LSD (exp76812)". Erowid.org. Jun 10, 2018. erowid.org/exp/76812
||(blotter / tab)
My junior prom was located at the Disneyland Hotel Ballroom in Anaheim, California. A large group of us got together to take photographs of our formalwear. My date, E.T. and I, matched well, and were excited for the dance. I was very excited to go to the prom; having taken LSD on multiple occasions prior to prom, I decided that ingesting some LSD at the prom would be a good idea. It sounded very fun.
Everything was going very well. After dinner, my friend and I walked upstairs to use the restroom. It was around 9p.m., an opportune time to take the LSD I planned on eating. At once, I ate all five hits that I had folded in a piece of paper in my pocket. “Was that three?” my friend asked. “No, five” I said.
The tabs disintegrated quite well on my tongue. Never before had any of the paper LSD I had taken dissolved so perfectly; I could feel the acid going into my body. Within minutes I could feel the stuff working on me. I came up quick, and within twenty minutes on the dance floor, I was tripping hard. Little did I know that my trip would intensify for the next three and a half hours.
The dancing was phenomenal. The song that best sticks out in my mind is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. The climax of the song is one of the climaxes of my life. The theme of the prom was Cinderella; so naturally, trippy, fairy tale Disney music was played throughout the ballroom. While slow dancing with my date to a Disney song (with birds chirping, tin whistles, and the like), the room changed colors from red, to yellow, to purple. It was a very euphoric and colorful experience, and caused me to giggle and smile a lot.
While waiting in the ballroom lobby for the Limo to pick up our group and drive us to the after party, I remember feeling like I was going to fall over. I felt so funny I could barely stand. My pupils were very bold. I was covered in sweat from dancing energetically and intensely, African style ☺. Within minutes, I would lose control. Just minutes longer at the Prom and I would have been completely fucked.
The first thing that I did subconsciously occurred in the limousine on the way to the afterparty. The Limo was driving around a roundabout, the centripetal force holding me pressed against my seat. There were lights flashing on the ground in the Limo, and very loud music was playing. Everything was crazy, and the intensity of the dancing at Prom was fresh in my mind. Lots of flashing colors and intense rushes of emotion were flowing through my sight and awareness. “Wooooooooooo!” It wasn’t until after everyone in the Limo was looking at me did I realize what I had done. I had just screamed at the top of my lungs “Wooooooooooooo” with my right hand/fist clenched, and raised high in the air. I had no control over screaming; like I said, it wasn’t until after I screamed and everyone was laughing at me that I realized I screamed in the first place.
The second thing that occurred subconsciously took place when we arrived to the after party. I was sitting in the Limousine, and I looked to my right and realized that everyone in the Limo had exited except for three others and me. Those who hadn’t left the Limo were to my left, and were unable to get out of the Limo because I wouldn’t move. I suppose I was non-responsive because they seemed very irritated and confused as to why I wouldn’t exit the Limo. This was the second time that I had done something that I had no control over. In both situations, it wasn’t until after I did the subconscious action that I realized I even did it.
I proceeded to walk into the residence with my date. By this point, I was tripping very hard, but still having an excellent time. “I’m tripping so hard” I told my date. I wasn’t sure if she knew exactly what that really meant; in fact, I seriously doubt that many others on this planet (with the exception of some, of course) understand the magnitude of an intense acid trip.
Changing into comfortable linen and bamboo clothing took probably fifteen minutes. Upon exiting the laundry room in which I changed, I heard someone say “Who takes that long to change?”
I desperately needed to smoke some pot. Everyone at the party was openly drinking bier despite the fact that the Mr. and Mrs. were home. I figured it wouldn’t be a problem if I smoked some grass. “You can’t smoke that here, it’s illegal, and the smell is very obvious,” I was told as I packed a bowl. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t smoke some weed. People allow their children to drink beer and alcohol, but smoking marijuana is frowned upon, and it’s senseless. I guess some things I’ll never know. My high was intensifying, engulfing me with positive energies.
Minutes later, I stood up to walk upstairs on the balcony to smoke some grass, but on the way, I got into a conversation with my friend. He started talking about parents. He told me that there were sophomore girls in the group whose parents will be coming to pick them up. Everything was very fast and crazy, and intense open and closed eye visuals overwhelmed me. Although I wouldn’t realize it for another ten minutes or so, I was already in a delusional and subconscious state. I had a vision of a man running and weaving in and out of people at a Rave I went to in LA.
Everything was crazy, people are talking about parents, and I had a vision of a man who got out of sight, then BOOM!!! I took off sprinting through the party, weaved in and out of people extremely fast, and ran out the front door and up the street. A chain reaction went off in my head, and I subconsciously believed that I had to get out of sight because of parents. I did not think about it, I just did it. “Ryan, where are you going?” my friend Robbie yelled, chasing after me.
I stopped, turned around, and then slow jogged back down the driveway and into the residence. The reality is, everyone at the party had just witnessed me sprint through the house as fast as possible for no apparent reason (which, later described by my friend Jeff, was the “fastest he had ever seen a human run”). From my perspective, though, the reason I had run was legitimate. I truly believed that I had to get out of sight (or perhaps I didn’t really think about it, for everything was intensely colorful, fast, and euphoric). I thought that because the reason I took off running was legit, everyone who had witnessed me run was impressed by the will that I had to get out of sight. I felt like a prophet. I thought that everyone thought that I was badass for running so unbelievably fast to get out of sight. I refer to these delusions as delusions of grandeur. The LSD propelled me into an extremely delusional state in which I felt superior and prophetic.
The LSD propelled me into an extremely delusional state in which I felt superior and prophetic.
I remember walking into the kitchen and catching something this beautiful girl from my school said. She said, “…I’ll never look at him the same.” At that moment, she turned her head and smiled at me, indicating that she was talking about me. She had been discussing my incredible will; it was as if she wanted me. I felt amazing.
Shortly thereafter, I decided to go into the Jacuzzi, but I had no bathing suit. I took my linen pants off and went into the spa in my boxers. Two of my friends joined me in the Jacuzzi. I remember chugging beer very fast. When I got out of the spa, I was wet, and needed a towel. “Get me a towel, I need a towel, someone get me a fucking towel!” All subconscious.
I was wet and wanted to be dry, so I did the logical thing, and took off my wet boxers. I walked into the house, completely naked. Someone yelled, “R’s naked!” I am a respectable person, not someone who gets naked in public. My friends tried to help me but I was completely delusional, unable to sit still or control in any way. I eventually managed to put clothes on, only after everyone at the party saw me naked from front to back.
The Mrs. had seen me run upstairs naked. She commented that I had a cute rear end. After I clothed myself, I remember talking to her. “What did you take?” She asked. “Blotter,” I responded, holding my fingers up indicating five hits. I could barely speak. Everything I said throughout the night was awkwardly forced and sounded fucked up. At one point in the night, The Mrs. brought me into her bedroom and tried talking to me with her husband. I was unable to sit still, getting up subconsciously every thirty seconds or so. I was tripping extremely hard. I could barely get words out, and I couldn’t control myself for more than a minute. I would pace back and forth, and when people asked me if I were ok, I’d respond by saying, “I’m golden.”
Beginning at the time I got to the residence, the following hour and a half or so was characterized by 30-45 seconds of conscious awareness, then 20-30 seconds of subconscious actions. I would do things uncontrollably, snap out of it, and then fade back into a subconscious and delusional realm. These subconscious delusions and altered perceptions faded in and out every minute or so for about two hours. The entire time, I certainly had a heightened sense of awareness; my senses were keen, my memory was clear, and I felt very focused. In spite of my misperception of true reality, my delusional state was one of clarity.
I eventually stopped doing things subconsciously, and the delusions changed into the realization of the magnitude of what had just happened. The harsh realization that I had run around and exposed myself while on high doses of LSD had just dawned on me. My delusions of grandeur became fallacies, and I immediately felt ashamed for my obnoxious behavior. Although I was still tripping very hard and getting intense visuals (my hallucinations were both auditory and visual, very colorful and happy), I was able to control my actions.
Everyone at the party was still drinking and having a good time. I tried to mingle with everyone, but was unable to. I felt inclined to apologize to people, but found that bringing up what had happened was a bad idea. One person’s response to my apology was, “Yeah, running around naked on acid at a party isn’t exactly something you want to be remembered for.” I felt extremely depressed and embarrassed as a result of what I had done.
I felt extremely depressed and embarrassed as a result of what I had done.
If I had been at the party and witnessed my behavior, I would have been frightened. I spent the remainder of the night on the couch watching Varsity Blues.
I hadn’t slept all night, the only person at the party to do so. Around 5:15 am, rhe Mrs. peeked her head over the couch and looked into my eyes, both of which were wide open. “You’re sweating,” she said. As everyone else woke up, The Mrs. served us an amazing breakfast. She arranged to have her housekeeper drive me home. I returned home, and later that day, my mother and I flew to to visit family. I never got in trouble for it. The Prom was on a Thursday evening. That following Monday, I ran a 10 Kilometer race. I had not been in peak shape, but managed to run it in one hour. I felt tired for a few days following the Prom, but shortly thereafter, felt fine. The aftereffects were minimal. However, prolonged use of any drug will result in more negative after effects.
This junior prom was perhaps the most profound life-changing experience I’ve ever had. I never thought that something like that could happen to me. I have a new respect for the unbelievable capabilities of LSD.
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