Citation: poppypossesed. "Just Cannot Give It Up: An Experience with Oxycodone, Codeine & Opiates (exp76574)". Erowid.org. Oct 14, 2013. erowid.org/exp/76574
As I lie here, writhing in the afterglow of opiate withdrawal, I figured it was finally time to stop reading and start writing. For 5 years or more I've spent hours reading these reports but never had anything to contribute myself. Nothing 'worthy' of the vaults. Well, I'm not sure that this experience is worthy either, but I feel it's time to finally share my story about my love affair with opiates; and most notably, the holy grail of opiate pharmaceuticals--Oxycontin.
My first experience with opiates was accidental. I had suffered a minor neck/back injury and had some bad nagging pain for a few days. I had been taking plain Tylenol for a few days and it wasn't helping any, so finally I begged my mother for anything she had to make this pain subside. Myself, 15 at the time and already an avid user of marijuana and occasionally prescription amphetamines provided by an ADD friend of mine, I was up for anything. Na´ve and perhaps uninterested about the dangers of alcohol and drug use. She finally caved. She went to her dresser (where she keeps any 'scripts that are of recreational value) and retrieved 4 Tylenol #3's (325-15-30mg of acetaminophen, caffiene, and codeine respectively) and 8 tylenol #1's (300-15-8mg APAP/caffeine/codeine respectively) as she has had a steady 'script for 3's since I can remember and Tylenol #1 is available over the counter in any pharmacy in Canada. 'Be careful with these, one of each at a time every 4 hours...and they might make you feel funny.' I thanked her and returned upstairs. I laid the pills out on my desk. I knew Tylenol 3's were good for a buzz but I never bothered with them before, so I set them aside. I proceeded to take 4 Tylenol 1's and a half hour later, I suddenly discovered how comfortable I was sitting in my chair. All pain and worries melted away as I sunk into the warm, deep relaxation that is the prized effect of opiates.
Anyway, this excited me, and I decided to try a 3 and see what happens. I ended up taking all four as soon as I felt those beginning effects. This was even more blissful and intense. I loved it, I had found my dream drug. Once the supply was gone I raided the medicine cupboard and retrieved a half full bottle of Tylenol 1's and proceeded to swipe about half of them. I began taking them 5 or 6 at a time. All the while researching the hell out of codeine and its effects/dangers etc. I discovered that the acetaminophen to codeine ratio was too high for these pills to be of any lasting value. Until...that is...I discovered the cold water extraction technique. This technique is so unbelievably simple that I couldn't believe that the whole free world wasn't doing this. I bought my own bottle of 200 and extracted 50 tabs worth of codeine into a concentrated, foul, but bearable solution and drank it. I was in love. I was ruined. I was hooked.
I continued this foolish escapade for a few months until I burned down every pharmacy in town. I was buying a 200 bottle a day and doing 4 doses in 400mg shots. The ceiling dose for codeine, meaning you can't get any 'higher' after you hit it, is 400mg. This didn't pose a problem because they run about 5 to 6 dollars a bottle and are perfectly legal to buy and posses. After about a year, I was basically refused in every pharmacy I went to. 'Sorry sir, but you were in here yesterday and bought 200...that's a month's supply sir, we can't sell you any more this week.' No matter. I'd ask close friends (usually also into some form of drugs) to purchase them for me. We'd borrow his parents car and hit about 10 to 15 drugstores buying pills so that I didn't have to do without. By this point I had discovered the 'withdrawal' from codeine; which was more just irritating than torturous.
I continued this way for 2 years. I had garbage bags filled with empty codeine bottles stashed in the house everywhere, my garbages were filled with coffee filters and pill residue from my daily extractions. I would wake up, make a 400mg extraction and another for school. Down it and smoke a few bowls of weed before going to school. My parents never caught on. I believe it was because I wasn't 'nodding' per say, just really relaxed with those pindot pupils and the rough opiate voice and runny nose. I thought I had it made.
Finally, I woke up one day and decided that this wasn't enough. I wanted more...I wanted a buzz like the 'old times.' So one day an acquaintance of mine approached me and asked did I have anything to help him out, that he was sick. I knew all about Oxycontin and how it plagued our rural Canadian town. I heard all the horror stories. I knew this guy was oxy sick. 'Drink my medicine' (as I so affectionately called my codeine liquid) I told him. Without hesitation he downed it with no chaser. 'What the fuck is that shit?' He asked. 'It's codeine' I replied. 'Aw dude, I didn't know you were into that stuff. Just let me know if you ever want an OC.'
I considered his proposition for a day or 2 and finally said 'fuck it, I gotta see what all the hype is over...I can handle this.' I drove him to see 'the man' who lived just minutes away from our high school. Back then oxys ran 40 bucks for a single green 80mg tablet and 20 bucks for a yellow 40mg tablet or an 80 split in half. I bought one 80 and actually got introduced to the dealer my first time down there. I took it back to school and showed my drug buddies who absolutely couldn't believe I got my hands on one. I split the pill into quarters and crushed and insufflated the powder from one quarter (20mg).
MY GOD! This was incredible. This put codeine to shame! I knew from that point on that this would have to be a daily thing. In case no one has noticed, I have an extrememly addictive personality. I began swiping my mother's ATM card and stealing 500 dollars a shot to pay for more oxy. Like codeine before it, I felt as if this drug was made for me. I felt better, happier. I was so much more social. I felt like a million bucks every time I snorted oxy. But of course it wasn't all good.
After a few months of escalating daily use from about 20 to 40mg a day to 120-320mg a day minimum. Even with my mother giving me whatever money I wanted, plus stealing money and ATM cards, plus selling my game systems, mp3 players, DVD's and pretty much anything worth hocking, I was having trouble keeping up the habit. I began a routine of waking up sick as a dog, going out robbing, stealing from convenience stores and grocery stores, collecting bottles and cans, breaking into houses that were for sale and knocking the walls out of these new homes to harvest the coveted copper pipe and wire to trade in at the scrapyard. Making excuses 'Mom, I have no cigarettes, I lost 20 dollars yesterday, I need just a few dollars till I can pay you back.' HA! Pay someone back? Wouldn't dream of it. All I knew was that I needed oxy one way or another.
Finally I went through something every seasoned junky experiences in their careers as addicts...a dry spell. No oxys anywhere and if we could find them they cost a dollar per milligram. Prices doubled, my friends and I all had huge habits and it was time to throw in the towel.
While addicted to opiates, you rarely consider your appearance or actions towards others, but apparently everyone in my family knew I was in trouble. I went to school on the 10th day after summer vacation and hadn't been to a single class yet.I spent all those days making the freezing scene for oxy everyday...as did my friends. I spent my last 40 dollars on an 80 (20 dollars on credit due to the price inflation), got into my friend's car and railed the whole thing and just started to cry. At that moment, my mother pulled up next to me in her car. She said she was taking me for a coffee...she took me to an intervention.
I never felt so much love and relief. Even through my opiate fog I could feel their love. I checked into a detox and did a one week codeine reduction 'cure' and was healed. Withdrawals a distant memory now. I thought the Oxycontin chapter of my life was closed forever. I was wrong again.
3 months... I was clean as a whistle. No weed, no drink, nothing. Then one day, alone I decided to 'reward' myself with one final hit, just a codeine extraction. Thought it would be no big deal. Thought I could handle it. Nope, I automatically wanted more. So I began sneaking around every few days and getting myself discreetly to a drug store to get some codeine tablets. I knew I was making a mistake, but I didn't care. Opiates somehow imprint the desire and the good memories into your psyche and leave out all the misery they bring with them...making you believe that you have things under control. That voice inside your head is always wrong.
I got a few jobs but finally stuck with one as a cashier. All of my old oxy/hydromorphone/morphine connects were always in there and I inevitably got their phone numbers. Soon enough I was stealing about 100 to 200 dollars a night from the register to pay for drugs. I would let my dealers ransack the store for anything they wanted...hundreds of dollars worth of my employers shit just for an OC, a Dilaudid, a handful of percocet or T3's, some Talwin, anything to avoid withdrawal. It was sad.
I was loaded at work, loaded after work, fucked all the time and always loving it. Just the sight of an oxy makes my knees buckle. It's the greatest, most pleasurable high in the world, with the harshest withdrawal I've ever experienced.
Now, I just recently quit that job because it was either that or eventually be caught and charged. Now I'm so poor I can't even afford some codeine. I sit, I writhe in pain, and I deserve it. 5 years ago I was a good kid with lots of potential and a bright future. What am I now? Just another sweating, shaking, shitting fucking junkie scumbag. I've hurt those that mean the most to me. I lie to everyone who thinks I'm still clean. Lying is second nature when you're a junkie.
The moral? There isn't any. I'm in no position to tell someone what they should do with their lives. But if the idea of being a slave to a tiny green tablet interests you, and you'd like to be powerless over pills, give Oxycontin a try. You'll be pleased and disappointed. Stay safe.
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