Citation: Pseudonym of the Day. "What Not to Do: An Experience with Alcohol - Hard (exp76216)". Erowid.org. Jun 24, 2017. erowid.org/exp/76216
A lot of people seem to have a hard time with alcohol, since they assume that as the most readily available drug it is also the safest. So, I relate to you my worst-ever drinking experience, since it highlights all the things one should not do.
First off, I had been having an absolutely terrible week, and one particular event drove me completely over the edge. Rule # 1: donít drink while angry or depressed unless you have someone with you, to make sure you donít go overboard. Broken. As soon as I got home (about 3 oíclock) I made a bee-line for my parentsí liquor cabinet and cracked open the huge bottle of white rum which had been my stress-reducer on many occasions. I poured into an ordinary drinking glass, filling the glass to the top, and then drank it as quickly as I could. When it was finished, I poured again and drank some more, thus breaking Rules # 2 and 3: Pace yourself and count your drinks, respectively. I had no idea how much I actually drank until I checked the bottle as I was putting it back. It had gone from about ĺ full to about half empty, and since the bottle was 1.5 L this works out to about 9 shots.
I was feeling less stressed out after the second glass, but I didnít feel any other noticeable effects. Then my stomach started to gurgle, and it felt very hot. This was my bodyís way of telling me that I had broken Rule # 4, Donít drink on an empty stomach. I had been hungry before I started, which was less than ideal. I decided to wash the glass out and put the rum back. The whole affair up to this point had taken less than ten minutes.
During the clean-up the first effects started to set in, mainly a reduction in stress and a numbness in my hands and face. Afterwards I tried to make something to eat, as I was still hungry, but my hands didnít move the way I wanted them to. I felt like I was on that amusement park ride (I think itís called the Gravitron) where youíre pressed up against the wall as the compartment spins around, and the g-forces are too strong for you to get off the wall. When I raised my hands, it felt like gravity was pulling them down too strongly. My vision was blurry, not like the beer goggles they give you in driverís ed in school, but just like swirly and drifting slightly off center. I still didnít think I was intoxicated, but I couldnít even walk without holding on to the counter or falling on top of everything. I figured I just needed to lie down for a minute, so I went outside and laid down in a lounge chair. The sun was way too bright.
I passed out in the lounge chair, on my back, which goes against Rule #5, Lay sleeping drunks so they donít choke on their vomit. Luckily, I woke up a short time later with that unmistakable feeling in my stomach, throat, and mouth. I stumbled into the bathroom and waited over the toilet. At this time, maybe a half hour or so after I drank the first glass, I felt completely trashed. I couldnít think straight, my vision was shit, my coordination had gone out the window, and I felt like I was dying. I sat hunched over the bowl for a couple of seconds, sweating and unable to breathe, before it came. And oh boy, did it come. Iíve had the flu, Iíve had food poisoning, Iíve had a nasty-ass stomach virus which left me unable to keep down food for 48 hours, Iíve even eaten an entire extra-cheese pizza with a liter bottle of lemonade on a dare, and I have never thrown up like this in my life. It felt like a firehose was being fired up my throat, because there was an intense pressure in my face and eyes like there was too much vomit to fit out my mouth.
I went to flush the mess down, but before my hand reached the handle my esophagus unleashed a second volley. It went on like this for about five minutes, during which I threw up at least seven or eight times, with barely enough time in between for me to spit the residue out and catch my breath. Finally, I was able to flush. Let me tell you, for a supposedly empty stomach I was able to produce an awful lot of puke. I cleaned up the bathroom as best I could and went upstairs to get some quality rest.
A few hours later my parents got home, they woke me up and asked what I was doing asleep at five in the afternoon. Still drunk off my ass, I mumbled that I didnít feel good. They let it be. I went down to dinner a little while later (roughly 6:30, I suppose), didnít talk the whole time, and ate very little. My head was killing me at this point, and even though I technically should have passed some of the alcohol out of my system I felt just as drunk as when I first started. I went back to bed and got up the next morning to the worst headache of my life. I couldnít open my eyes, I couldnít move or speak: everything I did made my head feel worse. I broke Rule # 6, Drink plenty of water, and I was paying for it. Iíve had much, much more to drink than the 9 shots from this story and never had a hangover like that one. Trying to function the next 3 days (yes, it lasted 3 days) was worse than trying to function dead drunk. I was exhausted, my stomach was not cooperating with me, and above all else I felt like there was a car rolling slowly with one of its tires positioned perfectly over my temple.
In summary, itís not hard to enjoy alcohol responsibly. In stories that end in excessive vomiting and terrible hangovers, the mistake is usually something the person did or didnít do rather than how much they drank. This story shows that quite clearly. I was stupid and I learned my lesson, and I hope you can learn from this too. Believe me, itís not worthwhile to find these things out for yourself.
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