Citation: Cen3k. "On the Brink of Absolute Insanity: An Experience with LSD & Cannabis (exp76019)". Erowid.org. Sep 2, 2009. erowid.org/exp/76019
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Last night was by far the most traumatic night of my entire 19 year old life. My good friend Loren’s birthday was that night. He worked night security at a hotel in San Diego County. I can remember the night like I was still living it at this very moment.
I sat at my house alone, playing the newly released videogame Fallout 3. The videogame which my girlfriend has purchased me for Christmas. Before I know it, Andrew had shown up at my house telling me we were going to go visit Loren on his shift for his birthday. He worked at ten o clock (at night), it must have been nine thirty or so by the time we were leaving my room.
We started by smoking a bowl of marijuana through Andrew’s bong in my parked car in the driveway. I got high as a kite as we made the transfer to Andrew’s “Squirly-Drifter”, a 1987 Nissan 200SX. The hood taped on with no back window, and brakes that make small children cry. On the way to San Diego I was at this point completely “domed out” and higher than ever.
We had decided to get Loren a hit of LSD for his birthday, and we committed to doing it since neither of us had obligations (Besides Loren being at work). So, we called our LSD connect and cruised up to his house in San Diego, buying 3 hits of LSD, at ten dollars each. We drove to the hotel, and found Loren sitting in a chair bundled up in jackets. The temperature must have been close to freezing. We were all layered in multiple jackets. I had on a t-shirt, then a warm pajama top with another jacket along with some heavy jeans. It didn’t stop the cold from penetrating our bodies and causing the deepest shiver I’ve ever known. This was before we even took the LSD. We then presented Loren with a hit of LSD. We began to make a patrol around the hotel, and we all popped the blot-papers on our tongue. We all did one hit. We let it soak in and started taking in our surroundings.
A good half hour went by and nothing really happened. I was still high and wondering how the trip would begin and how it would end. Another twenty minutes or so, we just sat in chairs viewing the parking lot and pool. The visuals would soon begin. Upon looking at the neon-lit hotel signs, I began to see swirls and distortions in the signs. As we began walking around more, the environment began to transform all around me. How it became a bad trip was a mystery to me. I had done acid twice in the past. The first time was by far the best, a euphoric trip. The second time was not good.
I began to lose complete control over my mind. Loren and Andrew were the only shred of reality I saw. The outside world was nothing, a big dream of hallucinations and repetitions of my mind. At most I would only see half the real world, and everything else was complete hallucinations. I was becoming scared. Really scared. Andrew and Loren recalled most of my experience saying that I walked around in awe, frightened out of my gourd. I would say their names, confirming who they are and nothing else.
I lost control over life, and would occasionally slip back into it for seconds at a time, immediately returning to knowing nothing, and literally going crazy. Walking was now a nightmare. I would follow Andrew and Loren with them being the only clear path, everything else around me was surreal. Walking up a quick flight of stairs to the second story of the hotel became a psychotic experience. I placed my hand on the railings only to feel my hand liquify with the railing itself, and seeing the railing disappear altogether. I walked up the stairs, and began following Loren and Andrew down the corridor of hotel rooms, the corridor twisting, doors changing shapes. At some point we emerged in the housekeeping room, where there was a bathroom and a heater inside. We found refuge here for a short while.
It seemed the reason I was so scared was that Andrew and Loren were on a completely different level than I. None of them saw anything. Their mood was affected, that was it. No visualizations. I then next remember constantly walking back to Andrew’s car to try and fall asleep. Falling asleep on acid was horrifying. I can’t even begin to describe the things I was seeing. My mind was then put on hold. All of a sudden I had no feeling over my body, it was like watching my life through a TV. I began to experience events more than once, twice, three times. I saw myself and my friends walking and doing things we had just done earlier.
At the heaviest point in the trip, I would be walking with minor vision of the real world and heavy hallucinations. The street became infinitely wider, bushes grew and things were so bright and detailed. With a quick stare, things would glow, and look like a 3D graphic animation. At this point I was near insanity. Questioning life, wondering if I was going to stay like this for the rest of my life. I had believed that the end of my life was near, had even questioned killing myself.
I had entered Andrew’s car and sat back in the chair and alternated between the two at least 5 times. Whenever entering the car and grabbing the door handle, the car would twist and bend as if it was a big stick of black taffy, I became so lost I just stood there lying against the car door with my hand on the handle. Trying to make sense of anything, I forced myself into the car again and again, randomly opening the door handle to get out and immediately recoiling and closing the door to try to protect myself from myself. At this point there was more walking to be done. I had to hold Andrew’s hand in order to get anywhere because walking in real life was impossible. I would see the real world, and it would immediately be clouded by my thoughts, which became 100 percent visual. My thoughts would pile on top of each other and fill into my eyes, making it so I could see nothing but blurs of past thoughts. At one point, upon looking at a stucco wall my vision became full of nothing but a twirling stucco wall, and I had no idea where I was. I just stood there in awe, and my friends would try and make me come to.
Time took forever to go by, absolutely forever. It would feel like an hour from 2:30 AM to 2:40. I was pleading with myself to not go crazy, to try and realize that there is life on the other side when this is past. There was a shred of reality I wouldn’t let myself lose hold on…and if I did it would have ended in absolute insanity for much longer than the trip itself. Visuals were off the wall. I would see half of a building and the rest of it blurring and swirling into my past thoughts. I began thinking of my girlfriend and that she would never love me if I was like this. I was so sad, and so scared.
I managed to force myself to stay in Andrew’s car. They had known something was wrong with me, so they escorted me into the car and put the car cover over it so I could have some alone time to try and keep it cool and come down. The car cover was like a prison, I felt as if I would never be able to escape the car. The next thing I remember after that, I was climbing out of the back of the car and it was about 5:50, ten minutes left for Loren to finish his shift. We talked about how he would never do acid at work again, that it stresses him out and I questioned as to why they didn’t have a trip anything like mine. He told me what I was doing, and I remembered strings of it.
Andrew was passed out in the car, I was beginning to come down and grab a hold of reality again and began to recollect on what just happened. I tried to stress to Loren that I had a near death experience. Eventually we woke Andrew up and we all departed the hotel, my trip began to change. Imagine the following in absolutely freezing temperatures, yet a perfectly sunny and gorgeous blue morning: All I could think about was Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, because that’s exactly what we were. Tripping on acid, driving a car and freaking out. I was on constant panic watch for police, and the visuals I began to see were so vivid. There were no more full on hallucinations, just accelerated senses and brighter colors.
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
We were hauling down the 5 north freeway at around 100 miles per hour on acid, with Loren following behind on his motorcycle, following so close he could touch the car. There was no doubt in my mind that what we were doing had the consequence of death if not done right. Andrew’s hood was tied onto the car with THIN string. I was becoming very frightened that the hood would fall off onto the freeway. At the speed peak, the hood was literally 4 inches in the air being held on by a thread of string. Luckily, it didn’t fly off. If it did, there would have probably been an accident. We stopped at Loren’s house and went into the room which he rents from a family.
Loren had lost the care to maintain a squeaky clean room. There were dirty plates everywhere, bottles full of pure urine (Apparently someone was in the bathroom when he needed to urinate) and the room needed a cleaning so bad he straight up spit on his floor for no reason. We all found tons of laughter in his room’s state. Loren wanted to stay and sleep, we forced him to leave.
At this point we began talking about girls. Andrew and I both have our girlfriends, and Loren had his one love leave him a year ago when she went to college. We decided to make the day a new day for him. We took all the pictures they had together, all the notes she left him (Obsessively written notes, by the way. With multiple color pens, many entries on paper that was folded into a swan) and put them into a FedEx box. We left the house after a good while and began our commute on the 101 home.
What was to occur was frightening fear of getting rolled by the police. Our highs were coming down, so we smoked another bowl of weed. Andrew was lighting up as he passed through an intersection, directly in front of a cop who happened to not be looking as she was making a right turn on a red light. He sped away from the immediate area and continued down the 101. We saw two motorcycle cops on the right hand side sitting there, talking. As we passed, they both began riding behind us at a distance. We became frightened, took a right, and fortunately they passed.
I was rapidly gaining consciousness and wanted to go home and sleep. I did have to hang out with my girlfriend…in fact as I type this now, I am planning on hanging out with her too. In a nutshell, we went to Wal Mart and purchased amazing tasting candy. We then walked to Best Buy. We then drove to the mall, and burned the reminders of Loren’s ex. Security came and said we couldn’t set fire in the parking lot. He looked like he was calling the cops, so Andrew then took me home. I came home, showered, slept for a couple hours, and am now writing this. What an experience for the books…. The experience was so traumatizing I have serious doubts I will ever do LSD again. I will remember it for the rest of my life.
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