Citation: Euslace Nodd. "A Spectrum of Emotion: An Experience with Buprenorphine / Naloxone (Suboxone) & Heroin (exp75811)". Erowid.org. Jun 11, 2019. erowid.org/exp/75811
I'm writing about my relationship with suboxone because I'm stressing about it right now. I'm eighteen years old, I've been taking opioids since I was thirteen. I've always had a naturally high tolerance to exogenous opioids, started at 20mg hydrocodone to get me high. I have a hunch that my high opioid tolerance is linked to my naturally low mood, but I'll get to that later.
The night I first ate hydrocodone I found the INTENSE bliss that I knew I would have to have later. I did a lot of research on opioids and got them every chance I came by for the next five years. As far as opioids go, I've taken heroin, morphine, oxycodone, hydrocodone, hydromorphone, codeine, propoxyphene, meperidine, methadone, tramadol, and buprenorphine. Other than that, I've taken every drug you'll hear of and a lot you won't.
From thirteen til seventeen and a half I hadn't taken H. Always promised myself I'd never touch it because I knew how powerful my affinity for dope is. Some new friend from Las Vegas brought that cancerous shit to my friends in my little city. Told us it was opium. I thought that sounded way too exotic NOT to experiment with.
Long story short, I found out what it was and got hooked, went through detox twice and now I'm on suboxone. Most stories about bupe are a rave about a 'miracle cure' that 'saved' their life. I think THAT goes along with the whole thing where people feel that a medicine is safe, or that it works, just because a doctor said so. 'So I got my big bottle of LEGAL opiates, which makes me HIGH, and the DOCTOR is TELLING me to take them everyday! Golly-gee, sobriety sure is swell, yes-sir-ee..'
Buprenorphine isn't a miracle, not a cure. It's a powerful addictive drug more potent that heroin that people feel comfortable taking because Dr. Said so. Before I was put on it I told a guy at NA I wanted to try it. He told me not to let the government become my drug dealer, and I laughed. Dude was serious. I'm on 24mg suboxone a day.
I didnt take my bupe this morning. Instead it was that line of dope I powdered the night before. Went to work with my mom. I felt murderous all morning and had to leave. Very strange looking I was, pacing and scowling all over the shop. I took a line of H right after I woke up. Shits contaminated, I picked a bunch of dirt out of my nose later that day. Fuckin tar. But after it wore off I went sour. Irritable. Evil. Stared down some pretty girl on the bus who kept sneaking peeks at me.
Buprenorphine is a bit difficult to abuse. I build a subjective tolerance after so long and dont feel that quasi-high it gives when I want it to. I mean I used to get a consistent buzz off 16mg, but now that just lifts my mood. Using that little bit of H yesterday and this morn seemed to have lowered my tolerance again to bupe.
Using that little bit of H yesterday and this morn seemed to have lowered my tolerance again to bupe.
Its a different kind of pill. More difficult to predict its effects. It does seem to have a ceiling effect like the literature claims; sometimes taking another pill wont buzz me higher.
Its a day two. It feels like I need a high dose of bupe this morn but I dont have enough pills on this half-dose regimen of mine to get to my next appointment. Its either dip into my stash of xtras or go cold for a week or two. Ya see I'm trying to save a bunch of pills for classes, when I sign up that is. Community college. Screwed up my last couple years in high school and I'm a little late. Agghh I wanna take my buppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee so bad bad but I... Well I could snort it. I think it made it last longer I havent tried this in months.
Now snorting is a great way to make my script last longer. It obviously requires less to create the effects. I just powdered 4mg buprenorphine on my laptop. Two 1/8 inches from mousepad. I'm spacing this throughout the day; I dont like damaging my septum all at once. Actually I'm not as hesitant to snorting this drug because it was MADE for a mucosal surface. Doesnt burn and barely drips. It really has an awful taste that I never get use to.
So its day three since starting this ramble and thats day two snorting suboxone. I've done 2mg mas o menos each day up the tooter. Its quite lovely so far, and fast acting.
The majority of lit I've read says that buprenorphine has low abuse-potential, the withdrawals are more emotionally active with me. H was much worse because of the physical part; aches, stomach cramps and noises, ACHES, nausea, low energy, canNOT get comfortable, and NO SLEEPING. I'd rather die.
I guess in some ways suboxone is very effective in addiction management. Its not all bad. I guess three days ago when I started writing this, I was feeling the anxiety of being addicted to opiates again and withdrawling from them too. Reality is subjective.
[Reported Dose: "24mg/d, 1/2g/d, repeated"]
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