DOSE:

2 leaves

smoked

Salvia divinorum

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

185 lb

2 homegrown leaves, dried. I took the first hit, a full hit taken while holding the lighter over the leaf the entire time. I exhaled and paused, waiting. Nothing noticeable except for maybe a tiny voice in my head (‘behind’ my head?) trying to tell me something. I took the second hit, same as the first but a bit more aggressive. Now I heard the voice, and it was saying “You are really going to wish you hadn’t done that.” This communication kept repeating and it was joined by another voice that said/felt like “I want to take it back I want to take it back”. I barely noticed or ignored these two voices (these were not my ‘thought’ voices, they were something else), I set down the bowl and lighter and laid down on the floor, eyes closed, ready.
I wasn’t ready.

That little voice/feeling of wanting to take it back grew and grew and – Now I can’t see anything. Instantly I have sunk halfway through the floor. In this lying position, the top half of me has been brittle and solid; it is the wood of the floor. It doesn’t feel good, but it doesn’t hurt. I am part of the floor and being pushed down, down through the floor.

The bottom half of my lying body is beneath the floor, but it isn’t poking though the cellar ceiling. No. It is being peeled away from this physical reality, like a sticker being peeled from its backing. This peeling is from my heels toward my head, but I never got completely peeled away, I was stuck somewhere near my head. My consciousness was spilling out of my body where I had been peeled away and it was being pulled towards whatever was below me. In this new reality, below me was actually behind me, and there were people there. I couldn’t see them; I couldn’t see anything behind me, because I was in an utter and complete state of terror. I knew if I turned toward them, I would lose hold on the physical world and be gone forever and it scared me more than I’ve ever been scared. I had no thoughts within the other place, all of my focus was on holding on to the physical, I could feel my wooden top half creaking and splintering under the force of my struggle. I thought of my young son and how I’d never see him again, then I thought of my wife and my Mom and how disappointed they would be that I had done this and left them as a result. These thoughts did not ease my mind.

During this struggle, I saw above me (in front of me?) the peak of a white house with a circular window in it. I knew it was the house across the street from my childhood home – I hadn’t thought of that house since I was seven or eight years old, yet here it was. I didn’t simply recognize it and recall it; it WAS that house, as immediately as I saw it, I knew what it was. It was also my touchstone to this world and focusing all of my physical consciousness on it and not ‘turning around’ to see the people behind me would keep me from being lost forever. All this time I don’t recall initially smoking the Salvia. There is no frame of reference for time. There is really only NOW and all these things are happening NOW. Only as I write this can I linearly describe it, it didn’t happen linearly. I is gone. I have become I-less, ego-less, body-less, free-floating. I AM NOW.

As the front of me is holding on to this world, the consciousness that is pouring out into the other place is being pulled back towards whoever is there. I sense nothing around me. It is a solid type of darkness, not empty space, but solid blackness. They are behind me, not too far, and the feel like they are shaking me awake from a dream – the dream is this physical world I am holding on to. As they are doing this I get a few distinct sensations. The first and strongest is recognition of them and the place they are, exactly like waking from a dream and recognizing where you are and feeling that relief. The second was that they were very happy I was back. There was nothing but joy coming from them, and apparently I knew them and they were so happy to see me, if I would just turn around and let go and go to them – they kept urging me to do that. Regarding them, even though I didn’t ‘see’ them, I got the impression one of them was a girl, blonde, young, maybe braids, maybe kind of tom-boyish? Other than that I can not tell how many more of them there may have been.

I have no idea how long I felt like I was in the other place. Time was irrelevant. I was terrified the entire time, even though the others behind me were comforting. My physical animal mind was still singularly focused on holding on. Then, without warning the real world popped back. The peak of the white house faded away, becoming the peak of the yellow room I was lying down in, the round window was the clock on the wall near the peak. The world cam back like tiles flipping over one by one, in no particular order – on one side of the tiles was the solid black ether of there, on the other side was here. I still couldn’t move. Thankfully, I didn’t feel like crackly, splintery wood either, and I was no longer being pulled or peeled. I just laid there. Soon I could move and I rolled onto my side, into the fetal position, and closed my eyes. Slowly I began to sink into the floor again. This time I opened my eyes and sat right up – I wasn’t going back again!

It was at this time, maybe before I rolled over that I remembered smoking the Salvia. That was a bit of a relief, but not much. I sat like that for a while, still not 100% normal. I was back in the physical but my head was a little cloudy. I don’t think it was from the Salvia, I think I was coming down from the shock of the terror I was just in. I was not out of breath, and I didn’t feel fear in my gut either. I stood up and took stock. That was when I began to feel my whole body get prickly, like prickly heat, then a gush of sweat. This quickly stopped though, it was like a quick wave down my body, and it was over.

In total I was under for four to five minutes, while under it felt much longer than that, but the impact has now lasted a week. Immediately afterward I knew I would never try that again, but as I get further away, I feel the urge to do it again getting stronger. I also have a lingering feeling of well being, and a newfound perspective on everything. I haven’t changed all that much externally, but internally, something has definitely changed.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 75178
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 22, 2020	Views: 518
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Alone (16)