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Realizing Hell Within
by Pedro
Citation:   Pedro. "Realizing Hell Within: An Experience with LSD (exp74344)". Erowid.org. Aug 26, 2016. erowid.org/exp/74344

2 hits   LSD (blotter / tab)


This report is for people with Christian backgrounds and beliefs in Christ who are considering taking LSD. Be warned. I learned some interesting things about the nature of 'hell.'

I began experimenting with LSD extensively last summer. I was taking it 2 times a week in small dosages and having the time of my life. Everything from working to social interaction to alone time was a game and extremely interesting. I had many insights into possible realities and insights into who I was and nothing was too shocking. This was the honeymoon phase.

Fast-forward a year later. After probably 30 trips I finally had a scary experience. Psychologically scary. Reality shattering.

The setting was my bachelor pad house. My house was weird...christmas lights strung up everywhere as our ceiling lighting, stadium couches, and roommates NOT usually home. We also had a cat (more on this creature later).

A good friend J was over who had only taken acid only once before. J is a friend who I got to know well based on the amazingly open, honest communication we could share since the time we met 2 years ago randomly through a mutual friend. Our goal was to go on a mutual trip of deep conversation about the nature of reality and ourselves, as well as our relationship.

We dropped in the evening, about 6 p.m. I have gotten to a point where I can almost immediately feel the effects of a tab of LSD. Very very subtle. It might be placebo.

Anyway we launched into conversation about life immediately, sitting at the dinner table with some fruit juice and a couple beers. After about 2 hours of random conversation with nothing too amazing, we got onto the subjects of God, religion, love.

I soon realized that me and J were at psychological opposite ends of the universe when it comes to the nature of God, good, and evil. This is when the trip started getting scary.

I remember arguing for along time, probably 2+ hours about each of our stances on the nature of God, but making no progress towards an understanding or acceptance of each other's views. This is about the time I entered into a very real, and very scary (I am shivering thinking about it now, almost 6 months later) thought loop. A thought loop is a circular reasoning loop that you cannot easily escape, and has been described by others on LSD. For the rest of the trip (6 hours) until I fell asleep with fear and exhaustion, I would go into my room for a time to escape the painful conversation and then return to the living room to try to remedy our impasse of mutual insight. On each return, I would have EXTREME deja vu to the point of questioning wether or not I could escape my altered state, ever. And mind you I was lucid. No crazy visuals or trouble speaking or seeing. This was all in my head.
No crazy visuals or trouble speaking or seeing. This was all in my head.

My room became hell, the place where I was isolated from God, truth and this girl in the living room. She became my salvation. The only way to get out of my self-induced hell was to convince her that I was actually experiencing Hell as described in the Bible, which I could not do. She simply didn't buy it. She remained steadfast in her agnosticism. I also somehow believed she was a figment of my imagination, no longer real but created by me to test myself and my ability to find truth. I felt that if I fell asleep, she would no longer exist the next day, and would haunt my memory forever.

The cat mentioned earlier was the cause of extreme mental stress. The cat became a symbol of disorder and confusion, as well as randomness and evil. It simply would not do anything predictable, and seemed to taunt me and hide and show itself at the most inopportune moments.

I decided at some point to take a walk around the neighborhood, but it provided no relief. I felt I was walking away from myself and my salvation.

I fell asleep probably at 4 a.m. After a very traumatic thought loop rollercoaster.

The next day I was shaken, nervous, and very scared that I had gone too far into myself. I went home and told my mother about my trip, she didn't know I had ever tried drugs before. It was a hard conversation but we got through it.

Me and J have never been the same since. We remain pleasant, but our friendship was rocked that night in ways I can't easily describe.

Since then I have been on a journey of truth seeking and not much has come of it. I believe acid has the power to open your mind so much that the potential realities that it reveals become confusing and ultimately harmful to an individual. Ignorance is bliss as they say. I am instantly reminded of the story of Adam and Eve. The apple of the knowledge of good and evil was plucked at the beginning of time, and we are still plucking it today, for better or worse.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 74344
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 26, 2016Views: 1,913
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LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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