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Anxiety Incarnate
by Elly
Citation:   Elly. "Anxiety Incarnate: An Experience with Cannabis (exp74107)". Erowid.org. Mar 10, 2020. erowid.org/exp/74107

  smoked Cannabis


I have probably tried to smoke pot about 10 times in my life, and have finally given up on ever having good effects from it. My brain does NOT want to enjoy this drug.

Background info: These reports come from between the ages of 17 and 19. I am 5'4, 135lbs. I was never on medication for any of these reports. I was a regular user of shrooms between 17-18, and a regular user of MDM between 18-19. I have an anxiety disorder and have suffered depression in the past, but have never had such negative effects from a drug before.

The first time I tried it, I was at a friend's house, and they were passing around a joint. I only had two draws from it, but I was already fairly drunk. Someone put on some music, a song which I knew well, but I noticed it seemed to be playing MUCH faster than normal. I was about to ask if it was a remix before I noticed everything change, I felt distanced from the voices around me, I felt slightly paranoid about the people in the room, and I had a churning nausea in my stomach.
I noticed everything change, I felt distanced from the voices around me, I felt slightly paranoid about the people in the room, and I had a churning nausea in my stomach.
So this was getting stoned. My friend tried to ask me if I was okay, and that sent a wave of nausea through me. I didn't reply, talking seemed impossible, and whenever anyone spoke to me I wanted them to stop. This died down after about 10 minutes, and the rest of the high was slightly anxiety-ridden, with very little positive effects. I was told that this was because I had gotten drunk before smoking, so I decided to try again.

The second time was in a park with the same friend. We shared a joint between us, and I felt the anxiety creeping up again, but knowing what to expect I pushed it down. I got very giggly and stupid, we sung a few songs very loudly and got a lot of strange looks. We went up to the local servo and bought ice creams which tasted absolutely PHENOMENAL. Some friends of ours were sitting at a local cafe so we went to join them, but as soon as a mass conversation started I began to feel a little uncomfortable again with all the people talking to me so I went to lay down in the park for a while, trying to get rid of the anxiety. After this I caught the train home with another joint in my pocket, ready to surprise my boyfriend when he got home from work.

When we shared that joint that evening, it was much more enjoyable. I still felt the creeping anxiety, but didn't let it come near me. Physical touch felt great.

The next few times that I tried to get stoned were from pulling cones at my boyfriend's house, usually one or two small ones. I'd always get the urge to go lay in his room alone with the lights off, and had to try and explain to him that I didn't want him talking to me. He was more than perplexed by this, because he had never had a bad experience from weed and had never seen someone have one, despite being a 5+ cones a day smoker since he was young.

So, I gave it a break for a while, then one evening after my 19th birthday some friends and I decided to share a joint. I'd never really had a full blown panic attack on the stuff before, so I thought why not, maybe this time I'd be able to enjoy it
I thought why not, maybe this time I'd be able to enjoy it
since the setting was so much more relaxed (at my house, with friends I had known for years). We shared it around and watched tv. I started laughing louder at every joke that went past, and suddenly the laughing became a little too intense for my liking. I went to go have a shower to calm myself, but I felt like I was far far away from the room I was actually in, isolated in myself. I felt disconnected, out of control, nauseated, and I didn't like it. I called my boyfriend at the time (not the same as the last) who was a psych nurse and knew about such things, so he drove over and checked me out. I was jittering really frantically, I had an overload of nervous energy, and every time he asked me a question I seemed to answer in a very suspicious way. I didn't really feel paranoid, but I was certainly acting like I was. He tried to make me laugh, but every time I laughed I would suddenly stop and go wide eyed because laughing was far too intense. After an hour or two, the feeling subsided, and I went back to normal, albeit a bit hungry.

After that experience, I gave up trying to smoke weed. Its clear to me that my brain does not enjoy it, and sometimes I wonder what other people see in it because even my positive experiences were laced with anxiety and nausea. This stuff doesn't make me feel good at all, despite me having a wonderful time on other drugs. Trying it several times just made me mariuncomfortable all over again. Don't give into peer pressure like I did (and please, dump and boyfriends/girlfriends that pressure you to do drugs you don't want to or know you can't handle).

Exp Year: 2006-2008ExpID: 74107
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 19 
Published: Mar 10, 2020Views: 1,250
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Cannabis (1) : First Times (2), Retrospective / Summary (11), Difficult Experiences (5), Various (28)

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