Citation: Cory B.. "Reliving My Death Over and Over Again: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp73790)". Erowid.org. Jul 17, 2009. erowid.org/exp/73790
I had no idea what to expect taking salvia. My wife and I live in the high arctic, Resolute Bay, and we try to stay away from booze and drugs because they have unpredictable results in such a small and isolated place. We ordered Salvia, and after being held by health canada for over a month we finally received it, albeit opened packaging. We locked ourselves in our room, and began to explore. Coming from a chemistry/ethnobotanical education background, I of course started small, waited for effects and worked my way up.
Having LSD-like visuals that were quite manageable I delved into the 20x. My World crumbled. Reality fell apart but didn't at the same time. I already experience some synesthesia naturally, but all my senses became one. Geometry was completely absurd, but made sense. I felt as if I was part of everything around me, literally, but in a bad way. Part of a song played over and over in thin time slices. I Felt myself fall to the floor ground over and over, but just the point of impact, mixed with everything simultaneously. Something went bang inside my head and I felt i was dead, but it's like time tried to stop, but skidded or blurred in that last moment by inertia. All that was me before, my thoughts, but future were completely non existent. All I was was a feeling of tragic mishap of dying too soon. Somebody called my name 'Cory!' as I was falling but it was too late. All I could do was feel/watch/sense myself in my last moment. There was no soul, no heaven, only my own private hell of my being in the flesh literally separating by momentum of a sort, into this slices of matter/space/time.
I felt my head/thoughts, my ME coming apart, and blending into the materials around me, taking on some residual personality in the inanimate around me. I experience not fear, but a tenacity to hang on, not slip into everything. There was no peace, no rest, just that moment stretched in time to infinity. People became little balls of denser more active energy on a board of orange colored energy. The people were evenly spread like a grid, and they were green light in a tight ball. Ones action would jiggle other ones around it. I saw my life so far, dying at that point as absolutely worthless, and only one thought came crystal clear through this: 'You didn't get it Cory, you just didn't get it.' All that mattered in the very last fraction of a second, was who I was at the moment in time, and what effect I had on the little blips (people) close by me. But I just didn't get it, I had a net negative impact on those around me by dying prematurely, and my action just prior (yelling at the kids for no real reason, etc.)
I was relieved when i came back to say the least, in all I lost 3 hours of real time!!! I think the pipe hadn't been hot enough for a while, and it all hit at once when I really heated it properly. I tried the sage again 4 more times, all the same experience over and over and over, just shorter real time duration (10-20 minutes). A door closes, very slight deviations, but the same horror. I walked around like a ghost for 3 days thinking I had seen (my) death, i still can't help but believe it as true. Very sudden, un-expected death.
My wife saw herself being made in front of her. She was a church-like gown, you know, the anglican kind. She saw behind her hung up, thousands of these gowns, and the were people. But I was a carpet on the floor! She said she saw we were all made of the earth, all material the same everywhere, but we all had a purpose.... The experience was so overwhelming for her she spent a half hour being sick because the realization was so intense after. She kept saying while she was under 'I'm not supposed to see this! I'm Not supposed to be here!' (but in inuktitut -her first language) Interesting a woman experiences creation, a man experiencing destruction/assimilation in this case... But they tie together at the ends into a loop. She is a devout christian by the way (I'm not even close) and she saw what she didn't think she believed: that we are the same matter/energy as everything, too.
Salvia I can say changed my outlook on life. But this is no recreational drug. It is a tool that is sacred and has to be used properly and respected. I found things moved around in the room after I came back to this realm, I found out too that I left the room for a time. My wife has a cousin who just suicided, a little south of us. She was using Salvia pretty heavy for 2 weeks just before she ended her life. I don't know if there is a relationship, but i sense there is one. Talking with Health Canada, trying to release my Salvia order, The woman stated that they have taken another hard look at it, and they are acknowledging the dangers of this drug, they are delaying imports in hopes that emergency law will take effect soon, at least banning the import for now...
I say keep this sh*t away from kids whatever you do! We were NOT in control with this substance.
Me: age 31
My wife: age 32
[Reported Dose: Various from 1/2g leaf to 1.5g 20x]
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