Citation: lostpilot. "Introspective Purgatory: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose (exp73282)". Erowid.org. Nov 9, 2012. erowid.org/exp/73282
To start with, I think I have a drug history - shrooms, cannabis, hashish, MDMA, Morning Glory seeds. And this time I decided to try some HBW; basic interest in hallucinogens led me to a head shop in Dublin, Ireland. I asked the assistant for something hallucogenic and legal - he offered me HBW seeds, and that is how I got hold of them. I kept them for few weeks, until I have tried them the first time - with my few friends, in the woods. The effect then (drowsiness, nice euphoric feeling and a slight perception change.. and of course the blur in the eyes) was very light, so I waited for one week more until the day came, yesterday, when I was alone at home. I have been planning this for quite long, tripping all alone, therefore my mindset was naturally a bit anxious with high expectances. Also, I did not eat from the morning to get the best effects. So, the second time came, one of the most intense and potent experiences in my life.
There was not much of a preparation for the seeds - the manufacturer contained four mashed seeds in one pill, so I just took other two seeds, took a knife and got rid of that shaggy surface of them - I thought this would help me overcome the nausea. In addition to this, the first time I've tried the seeds, they gave me a slight but not too unpleasant nausea. I am sorry for not tracking the time too much, I just know few dots in the timeline.
1:00 PM (00:00) - I swallow the mashed seed pill with four seeds in it. I decide not to rush with the other two, and go to a shop nearby to buy some ice cream (this may sound stupid - but when I bought the seeds, the assistant told me ice cream should help my stomach cope with the poison seeds expose). In few minutes - that immediately - I started feeling a slight discomfort in my stomach, anyway, I bought my ice cream, some newspapers and got back home.
1:20 PM (+00:20) - I decide to eat two more of seeds, chew them for a minute and swallow down. After about five minutes I feel more discomfort in my stomach, so decide to take a hit of some cannabis, since it works as antiemetic. While waiting for the effects to come I decide to play some games on my pc.
About 2:30 PM (+01:30) - My stomach feels very uncomfortable, plus I got the leg cramps, so I decide to put some music on (whole discography of The Appleseed Cast - thanks god I chose this band, it kept me going in a good way) and to lie down. As I rest there, I started thinking whether or not the effects will increase, am I going to feel the same discontent feeling throughout the whole trip.. after a while I noticed a different way about everything, a different perception in general - just as I have always felt when I am on shrooms.
3:00 (+02:00) - I feel different, and a bit delirious, the colours are somewhat brighter, every thing has this weird glow. I am still not able to understand do I like this or not, because the nausea is increasing greatly. I focus on a picture on my wall - Salvador Dali's 'Elephants' - and I noticed the picture is breathing, just as everything else. After a while I focus on the wall, something attracts my attention there - my walls are with patterns on them, that's my wallpaper - and now I noticed my walls are blank, smooth and light. I would have enjoyed this more, but the nausea kept me close to the ground, so I made myself comfortable and enjoyed the music (The Appleseed Cast - Low Level Owl. Almost two hour journey of music).
After about ten minutes, when the Low Level Owl started with the opening song, I noticed myself actively dreaming. I was revisiting very many places in only few moments - revisiting my past, my dreams, my imaginative visions. Let me tell a bit about myself - I am very dreamlike person in general. I recall my dreams very clearly, have had lucid dreams, many false awakenings and so on, so generally I tend to doubt the existence of being in general. I question the perceptions, whether or not everything is one dream or reality. And now I was going back to all these scenarios, revisiting my dream worlds, every single dream with every single emotion there. And after a while I understood I was not the one doing this - it was the substance, opening the gates of dreamlike world to me.
And then, when few minutes of introspective dreamlike experience ended, everything switched to a different direction - instead of going back to my old dreams a new one began - but I clearly understood that I was lying there, in this state of being, with music on - I fell into my dream. The dream was unexpectedly picturesque and somewhat humorous - I watched myself, acting, of course, in a very different manner, escape from one huge, but then again laughable bear. While the pursuit continued through the woods, I noticed it was dependent on the music, Low Level Owl, Volume 1. I watched something like one movie with grotesque happenings, and I was the actor, I was there. Long after, this scenario ended very very humorously - the bear exploded, leaving one very small copy of himself, all miserable and helpless - and me and my friends (no idea who were they or where did they come from) took the little bear, got on a flying carpet (oh the absurd!) and flew away somewhere.
Right after this I 'woke up', understanding this was only a trip. I then understood I felt no nausea at all, and tried to stand up, but just as I moved upwards, my stomach started aching again, so I decided to lie again. I again looked at 'Elephants', noticing the elephants in the picture are moving slightly - I have always wanted to see this while tripping, so this made me feel very glad. Then, just as Low Level Owl, Volume 2 started, something again dragged me into the state of introspective dreamlike reality. And, again, after few minutes (which seemed to last for hours) of revisiting moments of my past, another dream has begun - this time even more absurd and grotesque. The chase continued.
Me, and the same friends flying on the carpet noticed something wrong happening (by the way, then I understood this part of the trip was illustrative, like a comic book, only in action), and we saw the Joker, yes, the same Joker from Batman attack us. That was when my mind shivered and stopped this absurd insanity, so the dream crashed and I 'woke up' only when few of the songs ended. And then came the ecstatic purgatory. Then I thought crushed my mind - I have been actively thinking about pushing the envelope harder, going deeper into this trip, and then I understood how abusive to HBW was I. This just came into my mind, how exploitative I was, not appreciating what the seeds gave me, I wanted more without even starting enjoying what it gave me already. And then I heard myself just saying things in voice, things like 'Thank You' or 'I promise not to exploit you any more', because right at that moment I felt as if I was choking the substance while trying to get the best of it. And that was the wrong way.
That is why it gave me that much nausea, which by then came back in a very bad way. Overall, my physical state at that moment (as I can guess, about +03:30-04:00) was very bad - nausea got back, my body, especially legs, were twitching, I had to move all the time, and this ecstatic wall of pleasure was pushing me deeper into the ground. I felt as if I was one of those silly kids who overdosed and poisoned themselves, and will be found this way. And then I again apologized the substance for abusing it for a thousand times, again and again. And when I done it, I do not know if that was purely physical, every bad feeling of the previous state made me feel good. Only then I understood how profound this experience was, so I just made myself comfortable again, and listened to some more music, giggling all the way.
More than two hours after this (until about 7:00 PM (+06:00)) were the afterglow of the purgatory. Sometimes coming back, sometimes getting away.. All this time I just been lying there, already wanting this to end, while my mind was rushing backwards and forwards, not finding proper rest. All I wanted to do was to fall asleep, but then I understood I am not able to.. I felt so tired, ecstatically tired. But then again, the waves of pleasure were coming in and out, and most of the time I was glad that I went through this. This gave me a lesson. After those hours which seemed like forever and even more I finally was able to stand up and go make myself some food. I turned off the music, went to the kitchen, turned something stupid on the TV, made myself some food and read the newspapers. It felt really good, being back to state of almost normal.
The rest of the night I felt very tired, but yet content. To sum up, I am very glad I had this experience, but I know that I will not ingest HBW for quite a long time.. maybe when I will need some answers to my questions inside my head (which were given to me this time, not have I mentioned them).
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