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A Farewell to Nitrous
Nitrous Oxide
by Long-time user
Citation:   Long-time user. "A Farewell to Nitrous: An Experience with Nitrous Oxide (exp73051)". Erowid.org. Dec 26, 2015. erowid.org/exp/73051

 
DOSE:
  repeated inhaled Nitrous Oxide (gas)

BODY WEIGHT: 52 kg


A farewell to Nitrous from a long time user

. . . our normal waking consciousness, rational consciousness as we call it, is but one special type of consciousness, whilst all about it parted by the filmiest of screens, there lie potential forms of consciousness entirely different.... No account of the universe in its totality can be final which leaves these other forms of consciousness quite disregarded.
- William James


Nitrous Oxide. A drug I feel is misunderstood and misused by many. Purely through observation and life experience I believe I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have done more nitrous than any other person I have ever met. As I have grown spiritually, physically and mentally I have also noticed a profound change in the way it has reacted with me and the way in which I experience my trip. I have taken many, many drugs over the years but nitrous has been the drug which has fascinated me the most and this is because of its ever-changing nature.
I have taken many, many drugs over the years but nitrous has been the drug which has fascinated me the most and this is because of its ever-changing nature.


Firstly dosage. Lots of people I meet do nitrous, inhale as much as they can until they pass out. I started that way too or between people weíd all be clutching our 2 bulbs waiting for the canister for our next hit. Slowly over the seven years since I started with the nang nang nangs and the nitrous dreams Iíve been through stages of months of addiction and started doing nitrous by myself. The most Iíve ever done is 12 Ė 14 boxes (10 cannisters in each box) and in my worst times Iíve gone back to the store to get another 12 boxes. Eventually my way of doing it was to load 2 or 3 bulbs into my canister and take in breath after breath repeatedly for hours on end until I ran out of my supply. This way I got enough oxygen and the nitrous effects kept lasting. Normally I would do nitrous on its own, sometimes mixed with weed, a few times with e's or speed but not often.

Let me say also that over these seven years I have evolved as a person spiritually and mentally. I started studying Buddhism 2 years ago, began meditation and have moved on to a higher ďrealmĒ (as I like to think of it) and have since noticed a shift in my reactions to all drugs.

Nitrous hallucinations are the most ďrealĒ and interesting hallucinations I have ever come across.
Nitrous hallucinations are the most ďrealĒ and interesting hallucinations I have ever come across.
I have seen entities and spirits holding cigarettes and seen the smoke and smelled weed. I have felt fur and dust from entities passing through and it was as real as anything I have experienced in every day consciousness. I remember the first time this happened, I didnít know it wasnít real as I felt my heart exploding over my chest and I felt the warm blood trickling over me and I honestly thought I was dying. But I noticed in the earlier stages of these hallucinations once you realise they are hallucinations the blood looks more watery and they evolve with you. One thing Iíve noticed about these hallucinations is when the darker hallucinations appear as I understand that they are projecting from my mind, they use my worst fears against me. For me I first saw blood and when that stopped scaring me I started seeing crickets (which I am oddly afraid of) and then when I stopped fearing them they evolved and grew bigger and tapped into, eventually, my worst fears growing bigger and more real.

One observation I would like to make is that I feel I have moved to different planes of existence having to do with the evolution of our being so I as I have become more aware and conscious and live a completely different life with more depth, my hallucinations have changed too. In a very dark period of my life I saw demons and a lot of blood and rare glimpses of beauty but that changed when I came out of this time.

Obviously, as I have experienced periods of addiction, I have seen some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen on a drug trip. They grew more real as I grew more evolved within my mind to the point where I couldnít distinguish them from our normal reality. They looked as solid and as ďrealĒ as the couch in youíre house or the walls on youíre house. Reality could constantly change. One minute I was lying in bed, next minute it was transformed into a giant cot from childhood, or my bed would be racing as fast as anything. Itís really hard to describe but I saw reality change in an instant and it was so lucid. I saw the most beautiful art I have ever seen, beautiful patterns on my wall, shadows beckoning me, intricate delicate tiny people made from tiny hand stitched fabric. I remember thinking it was like watching a Michael Gondry movie just for me. Iíve seen energy constantly changing into different forms and felt so much love and understanding about the universe. Iíve had trips where Iíve laughed so much, and not in a stupid way, but where the nitrous has taken away any inhibitions or fears which would stop me laughing at things in my life and just helped me see the funny side to all things and to return that love into the universe. I donít often talk about these things because I know people will not understand or fully believe me.
I donít often talk about these things because I know people will not understand or fully believe me.


Recently, however, with the help of a spiritual healer (who does reiki whilst I do visualization meditation) the last dozen times Iíve done nitrous it has been different. I started seeing extremely dark entities which attach themselves to me energetically. They just kept getting bigger to the point where one example was my whole flat was filled with a giant boa constrictor which would wrap itself around me. I knew it was a hallucination and as it went past my neck it felt like a plastic tyre but hallucinations on this grand scale still scare the crap out of you.

This might sound crazy but she explained that we, as humans, vibrate energetically on a higher level and these entities vibrate on a much lower level and whilst on drugs, nitrous in particular for me they become like parasites and feed off youíre energy. I can feel it and I see them constantly (either in the form of energy parasites or in the form of people, giant creatures or monsters) and I feel heaviness in my chakras and drained. When I close my eyes all I see is black energy. As I have evolved spiritually and psychically I see these entities now and itís horrible and I can no longer enjoy my nitrous trip as I used to. Spirits (although I do not have a proper understanding, all I know is what I saw) were there too, and they were made out of something completely different than these entities. They meant no harm and I wasnít afraid but I know I was attracting things into my life and home I didnít want. So my time with nitrous is up but it has been an extremely interesting, beautiful, horrible past time, learning curve and experience.

On a philosophical note I believe I have conquered this plane of reality and experienced all nitrous has to give. Now Iím ready to start participating more fully in our everyday waking reality but it has been an interesting tool (as I believe all dream-like states are) to help me learn about the nature of reality and the universe, conquer fears and itís been quite a journey.

Exp Year: 2000-2008ExpID: 73051
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Dec 26, 2015Views: 4,488
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Nitrous Oxide (40) : Alone (16), Guides / Sitters (39), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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