Sublimation Of The Soul
Citation: Psilo707. "Sublimation Of The Soul: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp73019)". Erowid.org. Jun 4, 2009. erowid.org/exp/73019
Sublimation of the Soul
||(powder / crystals)
Substance: 5-MeO-DMT (5-methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine)
Dose: 14 Milligrams, Smoked.
Setting: Room – Bed.
Date: May 20, 2006
Over half a year had passed since I had used any psychedelic substance, and twice as long since I indulged in the substance which I respect and revere more than any other in existence: 5-MeO-DMT. I’ve been very clear headed and active feeling recently, and had been thinking that it felt like the right time for a rightfully-delayed 5-MeO-DMT experience. I’m fairly sure I had done it 9 times before this one, and believe this to be my 10th usage of the drug. I thought back to my two previous 12 mg dose experiences, and clearly remembered how intense and unreal those experiences had been. I asked myself if I was truly ready for a 5-MeO-DMT ‘flash’ stronger than the ones I had previously attempted, and couldn’t realistically believe that it was even possible for that to happen. The curiosity of that thought, along with feeling more mentally solid and positive than even one year ago, confirmed to me that I was going to increase the dose. Now 2 milligrams doesn’t sound like much of a difference, but when it comes to 5-MeO-DMT. Every. Single. Molecule. Counts. I can detect very slight power level increases with this substance when dealing with moderate-to-high dosages, and I already knew 14 mg was going to send me a dimension beyond what I had previously known.
I also had already decided I was going to write a trip report about the experience beforehand, so I kept that in mind and attempted to put my experience into words as it was happening – which I realize now more than ever, is tons of times harder than it sounds on paper. But some instances I kept in mind and had a good feeling that they would convey in an accurate manner in words.
Part 1/3: The Envelopment
My brain, quickly realizing on what I was planning to do, signaled my hands to begin shaking erratically and sent a few warning-chills down my spine. This strong of a reaction to simply acknowledging that I’m about to ingest a drug has never (and would never), occur with any other substance for me. That is where part of my previously-mentioned respect for 5-MeO-DMT comes from – the ability of a single substance to put a combination of fear and awe in a person by just being in their presence. I never underestimate the drug, and I always make sure it’s the right time to use it – Even so, every experience blows me away, and forces me to drop all mental defenses as it eliminates my reality and my existence as a whole. I had been getting better at “going with the flow” in comparison to earlier experiences, but whenever I up the dosage, I enter uncharted territory and must cope with the new effects which begin to show their faces.
I gather all the mental strength I have and put the pipe to my lips, analyzing the small 5-MeO-DMT crystals that were neatly grouped in the center of a flat cannabis-based ‘dish’. Clearing my mind of all thoughts, and attempting to disregard what I was about to do to myself, I flicked the lighter on, targeted the center of the bowl, and inhaled as long as I could and as hard as I could. From this point until almost all the way through the trip, the empty pipe is the last ‘real’ image I can recall.
Envelopment occurred. My reality exploded and instantaneously ceased to be part of this physical incantation of a universe. Particles accelerated in a black vacuum around the existence that my consciousness was attempting to cope with. The attempt of this coping performed by my consciousness quickly increased in power, and soon it had risen above all other known energies that I was familiar with in the universe.
Every thought, and every action, from every living and non-living entity of the previously recognized physical world of space and time, had been assimilated and calculated into my brain waves within a matter of seconds.
Part 2/3: Hyperspacial Oblivion
This assimilation continued at an exponential rate. Every single progressing second was filled with the thought “I can not handle more than this”, yet every consecutive second became “this”, and any sort of thought based on reality was quickly evaporated out of my head. The feeling was not of my body being shot through space at light speed – the feeling was the reverse: Space itself being shot into me. Not through me or around me… the universe was re-creating its entire structure around the core of my existence, and it was testing me and pushing me to the limits of what I thought were possible feelings of a human being.
So I forfeited all control and allowed myself into a state of pure vulnerability.
A constant blast of vibrating and reverberating energy filled with the power of a thousand asteroids was consuming the infinite abyss which I now understood as ‘my life’, which was now little more than that of a free-floating, invisible presence which was being torn apart by the sheer intensity of the furious matter around ‘it’.
My visuals were spiraling. Visions of eyes and of abstract, animate forces were all symmetrically undulating and morphing within an undefined area of space of my closed eyes. The color of my world was now a rainbow blackness – void of any extremities, and dark as night… yet with the aura of dozens of hues, many unseen to the normal, everyday periphery of the occipital lobe.
Gathering as much courage as I had obtained through the years of psychedelic experimentation, I attempted to open my eyes. It was hard. Harder than any mental action I had ever tried to execute under the influence of this substance. But eventually, success came, and my eyelids opened slightly, despite the whirlwind of chaotically peaceful energy pushing me out of my physical manifestation.
There was no room. The concept of a small enclosed space which was attempting to “block” space from the outside, made little sense. What I saw were the dimensions and lengths of every single particle in the room in comparison to my idle coordinates… all at once. The full understanding of dimensionality and of the possibility of infinitely-varying ‘size’ of objects was now a revelation that came to me like a tidal wave of euphoria. There is a difference between stating the obvious simple fact that we have all thought about, which is: Size and mass are fully subjective to the entity or object that it is being compared against – Depending on what they are being compared to, molecules themselves may be extremely huge, or entire solar systems may be immensely tiny…
…And feeling that thought.
My spatial position in the universe was immediately determined through a series of feelings and comparisons which were non-analytical in nature. The meaning of all of these revelations and the beneficial factors of them is hard to pinpoint, but overall I feel the euphoric “blast” of revelation that I felt helped to humble my ego and give me a more understanding perspective on my literal size within this world.
Part 3/3: A Heavenly Declination
Time began to buzz back into existence. The aspect of an on-going continuum of matter fluxuation and variation through the entirety of space still did not make absolute sense, and I had a hard time grasping the concept of ever returning to an ‘alternate’ sober state. Realizing that this was probably inevitable, I decided to stretch my experience as far as my brain would allow me to.
I basked in the warmth.
The indescribable vulnerability turned into indescribable euphoria.
This is not the kind of euphoria I feel from the rush of serotonin and dopamine into dormant receptors. It’s not the kind I feel when I finally finish a project or receive a promotion. It’s not the kind that is described in any sort of romance novel or in any written book.
This euphoria is a presence that I have always wished for to exist in my life, but never thought it possible. It’s a complete feeling of contentment and utter satisfaction with being able to experience life during every single passing moment.
Imagine the feeling you get the instant you have reached the bottom of an intense drop on a rollercoaster. Now picture that feeling being stretched out through your entire body, with all the rush and none of the confusion. And it comes… and it comes… and it comes… wave after wave of awe and enlightenment. You do not want this to end, and you want to share such an experience with everyone you have ever known, regardless of what their stance would be. You have just completed and successfully survived a journey of such an epic proportion that no author, no artist, and no speaker of words, could ever describe the experience in a reasonable and truthful manner. You have been to the outer limits of the brain’s possibilities. You have seen time and space in such a way that you might possibly never look at either of them the same way if you choose to think such.
For the next half-hour, I soaked the rest of the effects in as much as I could. Eyes open, face skyward, not blinking – occasionally moving, mouth hanging open in absolute reverence for what had just occurred in my life.
Because that’s what it is. It’s a life experience. This is not “tripping” on a “drug”. It’s a naturally-fueled experience that I will never forget.
Nothing can describe the peak of the peak of 5-MeO-DMT. No words, and no thoughts. The only way to understand what it is like is to experience it: there is, and can never be, a substitute. It’s the epitome of any psychedelic possibility can that exist at any given time in our known reality as human beings. I no longer consider it a “drug”, regardless of what it literally would be classified as. It’s an unlocking of an experience that was not fully meant to be experienced by anyone who could not handle the intensity and the immediate erasing of the ego from all consciousness. There is a reason a chemical agent (natural or otherwise) is required to attain such mind states as these. Not only for the safety of the psychology of those who do not wish to experience a fully blown “alternate” reality that can be achieved, but also as an “optional” gateway for those who believe they are ready to ascend into a place of such power and vulnerable awe.
5-MeO-DMT does not show me everything.
5-MeO-DMT “makes” me everything.
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