Citation: K Katina. "Regretamine: An Experience with Ketamine (exp72620)". Erowid.org. Jul 28, 2008. erowid.org/exp/72620
||(powder / crystals)
I only recently found out about the existence and use of Ketamine as a recreational drug and, like many open minded people, I was curious about its effects. Most, if not all of my current friends take Ket, ranging from occasionally to an addiction. I observed the effects it had on them and others when snorted and was instantly put off. People seemed to get sucked into their own little depressing universe, just sit there staring at nothing for hours on end being antisocial. I was warned away from it by most of them and for 2 or 3 months, I was far from tempted to take it. People constantly voiced their objections to me whenever it was around, just in case. The more they went on about it the more I couldn't quite understand. If it was such a terrible drug, why did so many people take it? Still, I took their word for it and left it at that. I usually just took other substances in place of it and was happy enough with those.
My friend and I, J, recently travelled up to Bristol, a much bigger city then where I live, as I decided I wanted an adventure and new experiences. We eventually found our way to our good friends house L and R. They were both already quite high on Ket. At the house we sat inside L's bedroom which was just a small room with warm bright light and good music. They started sorting out lines of Ket, they said it was special, 'Indian Ket' or something. I realised I was going to be quite left out of the entire experience.
J, L, and R are all experienced and very frequent users of Ket and I was rather disappointed they would all be on that 'level' and I would just be sitting there with nothing to do, completely sober as I had no other drugs to substitute this substance I'd promised myself, and others I would not take. My mental barrier began to weaken slightly. R had always hinted at me taking Ket someday and I knew none of the people here would try to persuade me out of it. I was generally against the idea, but being in this new environment in this one situation that might not happen again made it more appealing. I decided to do a what I would call small line, compared to the amounts they take! L explained to me I had to snort it slowly and to spit out any that goes to my throat or it could cause me to be sick. I still felt negatively toward the idea (who wouldn't by this point) but something compelled me to do it... I don't even know what myself. I couldn't of been going against my instinct any stronger. For whatever this reason was, I went ahead and did it trying to make sure I followed L's instructions as perfect as I could.
After only a minute or less after snorting it I began to feel woozy and dizzy and my mind didn't quite feel there. I got the horrible tasting drip in the back of my throat that I'd hoped I wouldn't have to experience and tried to spit it all out but impulsively swallowed some. I swayed slightly from side to side and could of happily remained in that state for the duration of the trip. It got more and more intense to the point of where it was really starting to become unenjoyable. I found my vision becoming blurry and I couldn't really keep my eyes open or hold my own weight. I fell down and lay next to R who was pretty mashed after doing a huge line. I felt quite helpless at that moment because everyone around me was in such a strange place and there were no friendly voices to ground me to my reality like there usually are. I looked up at R and she resembled something like a zombie, I couldn't lie next to her anymore and hauled myself up so i could sit. I could barely stay up and kept falling around and scrambled for L to hold onto. He was barely supportive as he was so mashed himself but slowly we did manage to hold each other.
I thought this would give me comfort but, everything felt so material-y and unhuman, I might as well of been holding onto a table. His skin was more like a piece of cloth - I couldn't feel any warmth or embrace.
During this I was feeling more and more ill and decided I was going to vomit. I stressed I needed to get to the sink and L managed to drag me into the kitchen. I nearly fell down but grabbed onto the basin and hung my head into it with the tap on. The ammount of sickness I felt mentally and physically was nothing I could of ever anticipated. I felt so out of control and my mind was just slipping away faster and faster to some other very unpleasant world. I attempted to keep myself somewhat concious of what was going on but a couple of times I just stopped trying. I began screaming and freaking out and struggling to get away as if I was falling into some land of what felt like pure doom. L grabbed onto me and held me still and I realised I had to stay strong and constantly try to remind myself and make sense of what was going on or I would instantly forget. I kept trying to take a drink of water but I couldn't bring myself to swallow anything. I needed to blow my nose as I couldn't really breathe through it, the Ket had made it feel horrible, but any effort I made failed as I was too preoccupied dealing with everything else my body was putting me through.
I finally began to vomit (much to my relief, the sooner all this was over the better) I fell to the floor and continued to vomit for a few minutes and remember saying to L 'YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELVES!?' He said ' I went through this too when I first started' I wondered why the hell anyone would want to even risk putting themselves through this a second time to build up a tolerance in the first place.
When I stopped vomiting L carried me back into the bedroom. I could not even hold myself up in the slightest and my legs kept slipping and I collapsed onto the bed. I was shaking intensely. I tried so hard to open my eyes to even get a glimpse of what was going on but it was as if everything around me was being vaccuumed into my eyes all at the same time and it induced pain in my head and made me feel more ill. Finally L turned the main light off and it was a little easier to just..exist. He helped me pull the bedcovers over myself and I could feel my mind slowly coming back to me. My body was still completely incapable of just about everything but I was regaining control over my mind again, I at least had my thoughts to comfort myself with now and make sense of it all.
I must of fallen asleep and, when I awoke it was about 3:30am. I mostly felt better physically except for a small sharp pain in my stomach. I felt pretty spaced out and when I finally managed to sit up and open my eyes properly L, J and R were sitting around completely k-holed staring into nothing in complete silence except for some dark DnB music playing in candlelight. I finally felt like I'd to some extent achieved what
I set out to do by taking this stuff, which was be on their 'level'. I just smiled at them all and hugged J and R who were sitting beside me. It was an incredibly weird situation to me and in the end I just decided I was content enough/relieved with how it had turned out and went back to sleep. I woke up at about 1pm and felt just about normal. I was a little lightheaded and drained for the rest of the day but that's to be expected, considering!
The way some people talked about it in a POSITIVE way - the amazing journeys they had gone through on it and what it had done for them, made me think it was just one of those things where I'd never understand until I actually tried it, which really was not the case at least for me. It took me to a place that extended so far past the barriers of the mind (for lack of a better phrase. I hope you see what I mean) it became completely useless. BUT - I believe you have to go to the dark places as well as the light and that was, I feel, a necessary experience. I'm glad I now have an opinion on the substance from first hand experience, rather then judging it by other people's beliefs that had been projected onto me.
I feel like I perhaps had an unusually bad experience. I don't want to make out it's generally worse then it is, but it's definitely put me off ever trying it again. I would never of imagined it could of caused me so much distress!
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