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Overcoming Ego
Morning Glory (Heavenly Blue)
by Gr
Citation:   Gr. "Overcoming Ego: An Experience with Morning Glory (Heavenly Blue) (exp72431)". Erowid.org. Oct 24, 2009. erowid.org/exp/72431

 
DOSE:
10 g oral Morning Glory (seeds)

BODY WEIGHT: 85 kg


This is the write-up of an experience I underwent from ingesting roughly 10 grams of Morning Glory Heavenly Blue seeds. It was my first time, my only previous experience with mind altering substances had been with cannabis and salvia. I took these seeds with the intention of learning from them.

Prior to experience:

I had received a pack of 20 grams of seeds, which I decided to share with a friend, named T. I went to his house around 23:30, we ground the seeds up and ingested them raw at 00:20: me in orange juice and he in honey. We both had around 10 grams (300 seeds?), they tasted rather well. We smoked some shisha (hookah), there were two more people there, who were sober – J and A. We had music on, and a relaxed atmosphere, and the first two hours were spent talking and smoking. I was aware that raw seeds have the tendency to make people want to throw up, and had no problem with the outlook – we had buckets handy just in case. We both started to feel an uneasiness in the stomach after about 1h of ingestion, but neither of us threw up then nor during the later stages. Mind really is over body.

Effect:

There started to be some noticeable effects around 1h 30m after ingestion – I found myself increasingly interested in sensory information, like music and watching the coal on the shisha. The effects came in waves, coming on and then going away again, like a mix between mild drunkenness and cannabis. From here on I did not look at the clock until 7:50 in the morning, so I can only guess how quickly the physical time passed. Perhaps about 2.5 hours after ingestion, when the effects were starting to be noticeable, conversation less coherent, I decided to go outside and away from the music and lights, which were distracting my thoughts.

T had a trampoline in his garden, I laid down on it, looking upward. The sky was clearing, and stars were starting to be visible. An effect which was strongly noticeable from Morning Glory was that it was easier than normal to clear my mind. I tried listening to my iPod, to relaxing instrumental music with vocals, but found that silence was a lot more preferable. After about 20 minutes I got cold and went inside to get blankets – T and our sober friend then also decided to join me outside. We laid down on the trampoline, by then the sky was clear. My mind was very still, and I meditated on my own existence. I looked beyond sensory information to listen to my thoughts directly, then I looked behind the thoughts to grasp idea. During sobriety I have not been able to go further, but with the help of Morning Glory I was able to penetrate behind the idea itself, behind existence, behind and over all that our mind knows.

What I realized:

The mind can understand everything if it sees that it understands nothing – phenomenal existence is infinitely complicated, and our mind is a machine designed to survive in it. Existence is a reflection of what various traditions have called God, enlightenment, infinity, zero, quantum field, the cycle of life, or the eternal moment. With the help of morning glory I was able to see our existence as it is. There are no concepts to describe it, for any concept is also part of the world, either mental or physical. It is not existence and it is not not existence either. One can only be in it to know it – ironically we always are, but we are unaware of it.

I believe that for at least an hour we laid there on the trampoline, and for a long time we said nothing at all. After a while, I have no idea how long, me and T started talking about our experience, and he quickly came to the same realizations as I had. I cannot speak from T's point of view, so I will restrain myself to my own. We could not help laughing – everything seemed so clear, and for some reason the mind just wanted to laugh. We discussed how all the existence is “it”, and how normally we are unaware of “it”. We no longer thought from a personal point of view, for the mind is also a part of “it”, but we saw beyond. I believe this is called the ego death by some traditions. After a while we went back inside, and our sober friend left. We sat on the couch for the remaining ~3 hours, discussing, but primarily just being, experiencing the eternal moment.

It is a state of perfect acceptance, a state of non-doing, for there is no “I” who could do. It is possible to create, but creating without “doing”, my body was the tool for “it”, when it had come to realize itself. Both me and my friend thought we could understand everything. True understanding is not when my mind knows something, for example why gravity works, for all that my mind can know is part of the phenomenal world. We understood creation itself. We became aware of the moment itself, therein lies complete acceptance and through acceptance, understanding.

Me and T both felt it most accurate to speak about ourselves from the 3rd person. In a way we saw everything from the side. Material existence made more sense than ever, on a deeper level. Mathematics, quantum physics, music, sight, thought, everything was understood. The mind did not work as it usually does by processing causes and effects, it just accepted and knew. I was capable of writing perfectly on my GSM. Automatic actions like writing, walking etc. were uninhibited, perhaps slightly clumsier. I just let my mind do it, and watch from the side. Existence's meaning was clear. We were without an ego. As soon as I came back into “I”, concepts like infinity did not make sense, but then I would rebound back, into perfect awareness again. The whole experience is underlined by clarity. It would take a full volume to write down all that my mind revealed to me, for all that I thought about would make sense.

This state lasted for a long time. We both realized that as the substance will wear off, we will return to being “blind” about existence, but it was perfectly ok. We accepted that we will continue living our lives, as we always would have. On the other hand, we both knew we would not be the same again. We believed that we were enlightened during that time. Enlightened through perfect acceptance of whatever arises, and not trying to change it.

After:

We had breakfast at 08:00, still heavily under the influence of LSA. It took us more than an hour to finish breakfast, for each bite would take a long time, and then we would end just being, staring at things, for a time, before the next bite. Physical time passed very quickly. During the whole experience we had been unable to sleep, but around 9am we finally managed to. I compared the effects of LSA to awareness during deep sleep periods itself. Around 12:00 we awoke, and I started to cycle home. I was still heavily out of normal reality, but I was confident to cycle. I knew that my reflexes weren't as good as they are during sobriety, and I acted accordingly, I cycled carefully. It would be more correct to say that my mind and body were cycling, for there was still no “I”. I came home unhurt and went to sleep again.

I prefer to take mind altering substances alone, away from distractions, but I believe that the magnitude of the described experience came to be from the combination of my own and T's personality. I am abstract and he is relaxed, and we came to a perfect understanding of each other.

It is surprising to me, how fast I've recovered from the trip. For the past 2 days I've been basically doing nothing but sleeping, but I am back to my old existence, as it always has been. However I have scratched the surface of what is enlightenment, and it has given me motivation to strive for it truly – not by substances, but by entering the moment, and accepting. I received what I wished from these seeds.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 72431
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Oct 24, 2009Views: 18,847
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Morning Glory (38) : First Times (2), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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