Citation: The Shadow. "DXM, a double-edged sword: An Experience with DXM (exp72)". Erowid.org. Oct 13, 2000. erowid.org/exp/72
Of all the drugs I've tried, the most indepth and mentally tiring drug is DXM. Dextromethorphan (Dextromethorphan Hydrobromide, usually when found in over-the-counter medications).
You can find DXM in the local supermarket under the label 'Robotussin maximum strength cough' for approximately $1.00 per ounce. It is perfectly legal (at least, now it is...you never know what Newt Gingrich will do next), and is not for the weak-of-heart, at least not in the upper plateaus (Refer to the DXM FAQ in the Lycaeum and/or Erowid for more information about plateaus).
I contribute this, these experiences of mine, to the Vaults of Erowid in order to further educate those who are seeking knowledge of DXM. Sure, you could be a rocket scientist for all I care, you still don't know shit until you've had the experience itself. I have been to the 4th plateau and back, which speaks for itself.
Really, the main questions you should ask yourself before trying DXM are: Am I afraid of my own mind? Am I afraid to look deeply into it? Am I afraid of leaving my body and existance behind? You can expect all of these to happen on an upper-plateau trip, for they most likely will. This contribution is meant to scare those who cannot handle DXM and to encourage those who can to think about trying it. It's all a personal choice, because if you were pushed into it, believe me, you won't like it.
The thing about DXM that first interested me was it's spiritual depth at the upper plateaus. After a bit of reading the FAQ, I went to Publix and picked up an 8oz. bottle of Robo. Throughout the week after, I experimented with 2 plateau-1 trips and 1 plateau-2 trip. I thought just then that I knew exactly what would happen at the high 3rd plateau, but I was completely wrong.
After about another week, my friend and I got together and bought 2 8oz bottles and quickly arrived back at his house. We saluted each other, then clinked the bottles together and pointed the bottoms up as we guzzled it down. It took about 10 minutes to slowly finish each bottle with the least amount of nausea possible. We both had taken 8oz of Robo. About 15 minutes later, I was pacing nervously around his room, slightly off-balance while he was anticipating his nausea and relaxing on his chair. I almost puked on his floor as I held it painfully down, twice. As soon as it settled in my stomach again, I ran into the bathroom, only to be hit by the second plateau right at the doorway. I didn't know what was happening as I leaned into the bathroom, staring at the floor, but the puke that I saw directly below me answered my question. I had to clean it up later. I slowly but surely stepped over the puke and sat down on his bathtub next to his toilet, and forced myself to puke once again. With that, I sat there for what seemed 10 years. After about 15 minutes (2 years), I saw my friend run by the bathroom into the other bathroom and heard him puking into the toilet. He had his coming as well. After that, he went into his room again and started playing nitrous oxide on his playstation. The next string of events seem like only a novel could explain them, but I have trouble finding the right words to remember them by.
After a short while later, the 3rd plateau snuck up on me and grabbed me by the balls. I sat there as my body went almost completely numb and my mind drew a complete blank. All sensory input was diminished as I could only help but pay attention to nothing. I had the constant idea of my imminent death, but I did not fear it. It was simply a fact in my head. I could not feel fear. Only sorrow. But, the sorrow quickly diminished as the 4th plateau rolled in. It most surely shouldn't have rolled in, according to my weight/dosage calculations, but it did for whatever reasons. I had even checked and identified most symptoms of the 4th plataeu from William White's excellent DXM FAQ. I had complete amnesia for an hour. I forgot who I was, where I was, why I was there, or why I was alive. There must have been some reason for my life; it was on the tip of my tongue, but I had no idea whatsoever. The sense of sorrow quickly diminished as if I was a broken robot waiting for it's dismantlement. No emotion, complete apathy. A sense that I had never before had. I looked into the mirror while my vision was working every now and then, and wondered who that face belonged to, because it was so familiar. At times, my friend would stumble by the bathroom to check on me, because he knew there were razors and the like in there. Even if I had wanted to use them, I couldn't summon the willpower to move my arm. I don't know how I kept my balance on the side of the tub, nor how I answered my friend when my mouth wouldn't move, but he seemed to be satisfied.
What was even more interesting were the short periods of time (felt like 2 minutes each) where I would float over my own body, in the top corner of the roof and watch my body stare at the wall as my friend would try to talk to me. He would give up, then come back 10 minutes later and try again in vain. Once the knowledge of who I was returned to me in a gust of cold wind, I looked up with double-vision to see 2 of my friend standing there, trying to talk to me. I had to focus on my hearing to understand what he said. He wanted me to go into the other room with him and watch some TV and look out the window. I agreed only because he had a garbage bag with him just incase I had to vomit again, because I told him that I couldn't feel any of my body, so I couldn't know if my stomach was upset or not. It took an eternity and no time at the same time to speak. I couldn't tell. So, with my eyes plastered open as if I had drank 25 cups of coffee (As it makes you), I took giant, balanced steps out of the bathroom into his room, being ever so careful to lean against things so I wouldn't fall down the stairs.
Once I arrived in his room, I wondered how I got there. I was supposed to be in the bathroom. Could I have walked into his room and not remembered it 2 seconds later? I sat down very slowly and placed the garbage bag under my head incase. For the rest of the trip, it wasn't neccessary, but I didn't know that I wouldn't be vomiting anymore. The fact that I vomited was a big factor in the mood of the trip. After I stepped down to the 3rd plateau, I found myself with a little more sanity now. I stared out the window with my wide eyes, watching a palm tree slightly sway in the breeze. I still had the double-vision, so it was hard to focus on anything, but easy to focus on nothing and everything at the same time. After I plummetted down to the 2nd plateau, we went to another friend's house. We described what happened to him, and he was eager to try it (despite my warnings). He never told me what happened to him, but he's been doing it ever since. As I sobered up, I was left with a ray of hope for myself - the fact that I was alive. It was sort of a challenge. My halfway insane mind had lost the battle against itself, but not the war. It took about half a year for me to gather up enough courage to try it once again.
This time, it was another one of my friends who had never tried it before and me. We hunted around supermarkets at 11:00 PM, trying to find a way to turn $11.06 into 16 oz. of Robo. It involved a lot of careful planning and some shoplifting, but we did it. We dosed at about 12:45 AM that night...it was a night that I will never forget. It was the night that I overcame my own mind. I had won the battle. At about 1:15, my friend vomited violently and commented, 'I feel like shit.' I had advised him to sit over his bucket and to try to calm down, but it didn't work. I, however, had the mental control that night to keep myself from vomiting. There were times that I thought I was going to vomit, but I was gladly mistaken and nothing came out. I eased myself into the journey. I forget the transition from the 2nd plateau to the third, but it clearly happened.
I looked down at my watch at what seemed 2 minutes later and it was 2:30 AM. At this point, I was almost there. I had a panic attack, even though I didn't know it. My heart just started pounding violently and I started to sweat. Even though I was completely calm, I think it was my brain trying to tell me that there was something wrong - like I didn't know it. It elapsed after about 30 seconds of pounding, and then my trip took off. As I reached high 3rd plateau, I no longer saw through my eyes (Whether they were open or closed - I didn't know). I am still trying to sort out what happened that night. I can't remember much, only vague details. I had found myself back in the place that I was in 6 months before. I was deep inside myself, taking a stroll through my own consciousness. Occasionally, something loud enough would snap me back into a semi-dazed reality, mostly my friend tossing and turning on his bed trying desperately to go to sleep. I wanted so badly to try and comfort him, but my mouth couldn't form the words.
As I was enveloped in the swirling stream of thoughts and memories intertwined, I felt as if I was a boat. I struggled to steer myself through them using the right route, only to find myself back in my old situation...will I die? Will I be a vegetable? Obviously, no, because DXM didn't do that to people (At least not that kind of dosage), but my drug-induced mind was still wondering. At that moment, I used my strength and knowledge and looked to God for guidance. I felt as though I had a connection with God, one that I had never before had. Imagine the numbers 1 through 10, 1 being no DXM at all, and 10 being a fatal overdose of DXM...All numbers greater than 1 bring you that much closer to death, and in that, bring you that much closer to God. The upper plateaus are most definitely meant for spirituality. I was being cradled by God as he protected me from myself. I was comforted, more than I ever had been before. If I could cry that night, I would have.
I was continually searching through my mind, trying to reorganize it to help me understand the answers better. It was like hypnosis. It was beautiful. I saw anything and everything, I was the master and the slave of the universe. And I would give almost anything to remember what I had done to myself that night. My thoughts, my personality, my general ego had changed somewhat since that night, for the better. I wish I knew exactly what I did to change myself. All I know was that it was definitely worth it. After all that had happened, I looked at my watch and noticed that it was 2:40. After another 10 years of swimming through my mind, my watch read 2:50. After 2:50, I just stopped looking at my watch until I had lowered to the 2nd plateau. I couldn't look at my watch anyways, because I had double-vision after I had returned to reality on a 3rd plateau. I couldn't focus in on anything at all.
As I said, I forget much of what happened. Somewhere between the 2nd and 1st plateaus of coming down, my friend and I had a few short, numb conversations. It turned out that he thought he was going to die, like I did at first. He had the same terrible first trip that I had and has told me that he didn't want to do it again. I really don't know what to expect...whether or not he will try it again. The effects vary from mind to mind, and DXM is definitely not for everyone. You have to be strong-minded and sane, or you might end up a looney at the state-mental institution. I saw it as one of the possibilities (one of the routes that my boat could take) that I could have made. Complete insanity. It had it's benefits, and was slightly tempting, but I had plans for my life. I still have plans for my life. I have enrolled myself in a private college (finally) to get an associate's degree in computer applications. That last DXM trip made me realize that I don't need drugs (Besides the occasional beer at a special occasion, and maybe a geltab or two once a year) to live. I can meditate and bring myself to a psychedelic high whenever I want to. I just wanted an easy 'high.'
To sum it all up, I think I have finally found the peace that I deserve and have suffered for all my life. I don't know what to expect down the road, but I'm sure I can make it. If you want to take DXM, then PLEASE keep it to a recreational (lower plateau) dose, unless you know what you are doing. From what I saw on both occasions, DXM is a dangerous drug. With DXM, you can re-arrange your consciousness, whether you know it or not, or whether you know how to or not. Good luck everyone, and God bless.
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