Citation: Edie. "It's My Life, and It's My Wife: An Experience with Heroin (Black Tar) (exp71934)". Erowid.org. Dec 27, 2015. erowid.org/exp/71934
After three weeks of being opiate-free, here I am again, on day three of smoking my black tar heroin. I must not do any for the next couple of days, as I will become addicted, but it is so very hard. I am still ok though, because I have only smoked about a half gram in those three days as my tolerance is very low.
Almost exactly a year ago, I tried heroin for the first time. It was not love at first hit. I smoked it off some foil, and the smoke was very harsh and hard to take. I got really fucked up and could not drive. I was scared I had smoked too much. A few weeks later, I got into a fight with my boyfriend, and got drunk. Called my dealer's house and said I wanted to hang out. When I got there, he suggested I try it by snorting the black tar mixed with water from an Afrin bottle up my nose. I did way too much and remember being horribly itchy. At sometime in the night, I woke up and starting puking. About every ten minutes after that, I was throwing up. It was the worst day of my life.
Not one to give up, I researched the drug and kept working at my dosage. I realize that keeping the dose low and not drinking or doing any other drugs with it was the best way to go. A couple of months later, the love of my life and I broke up. I went wild. Smoking the black got me through the day. At that point in time, I did not care if I lived or died so I was also smoking freebase (cocaine) as well. At this point, my body was addicted and I was smoking a gram to a gram and a half a day, which is very expensive. I was also at the point of sleeping all of the time, barely being able to get out of bed to go to work at 11pm a few hours a week. I didn't care about anything but the next high.
My ex contacted me after 8 months, saying he wanted to get back together. At this point, I had a nice addiction going on that I thought I wanted to give up. I guess I had not realized how much I had changed during this time.
Heroin had become my identity and my best friend. I had stopped everything I had loved, working out, going to bars, just being alive because all I needed was the black. He was very understanding and helped me quit (suboxone's are a godsend). Since then, I have had to quit five more times. It has been very hard. The craving for the drug is so strong and it has been difficult to get involved in life again. This time around was my longest being clean (from heroin) but of course, I went back. I hope I can keep it under control this time around. Withdrawal is horrible and it takes a long time to get back to normal. Opiates will always be my love, but to anyone who has an addictive personality, I would stay away.
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