Citation: yoohoo. "This is Not My Beautiful House: An Experience with MDMA (exp7176)". Erowid.org. Jun 1, 2001. erowid.org/exp/7176
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Havent rolled or smoked in a while, 10/99 was that last time, thought it would be a nice anniversary experience for my husband and I, since our meeting is attributed to e and techno. but any way, we each took half of a rolls royce and half of a cheaper looking unknown low dosage ex, we were in our apartment decked out with the appropriate incense burning and a falling in love trance set spinning in the cd player, we were curled up on the couch not saying much just staring at the blank tv holding hands...then my husband got on the computer and started playing bejeweled, thats when my so called 'reflecting' began. i started looking at our picture as if i was the voyuer, husband at the computer me sitting on the couch, us not talking. back in the old e days of australia we use to chat, and get all those sticky close euphoria feelings together...i looked at our picture like what the fuck is this my life at 27? the music started to sound too loud and i was getting irritated with the surroundings and looked at our furniture like is this all we have?
this combo e made my jaw hurt which is what i expected but i had no dreamy feelings whatsoever. the lotions on the table went unused, and the sun coming up was a reminder of the real world out there maybe a few cones would fix it i thought.
my husband works a graveyard shift so around 10 am he started getting tired, we smoked a few bongs each and we both went to bed. thats when it started to get bad. as my husband slept next to me, i started feeling alone while listening to him breathe, usually his sounds comfort me, then the bad images started, my family, abuse i endured started coming on strong, i was thinking about killings and how it was to be killed or witness, crazy ass shit ya know? the loud voice in my head was starting to tell me how stupid i was, how i cant amount to anything and just like the worst possible shit you could think about yourself was filtering through my brain. whats weird about all this is that i was ms Ex of the san francisco rave scene, dosing every weekend and never experienced anything like this.
i told my husband about it after he woke up and said maybe its something thats been lying in my brain and you got something to work through...not sure yet that was about, still havent really been able to shake the feeling tottally and that was like may 19, 2001, its now may 31, 2001.
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