Citation: Double D . "Scaredy Cat: An Experience with Datura (Innoxia) (exp71662)". Erowid.org. Aug 9, 2009. erowid.org/exp/71662
The introduction was written for a friend in Spain that enquired about Datura, I include it here because I feel it appropriate.
See, I was like you before Datura, I felt I had something to prove, and I took drugs to prove that something. I rampaged through that path of self destruction, the very path you stand on now. I am not like you now, I no longer take drugs to prove anything, I take them for enjoyment. I have proved all that I need to prove willingly or otherwise. You talk of bad trips, flashbacks and demons; to me they cease to matter, to exist. I have seen things men should not have to see, sights so ghastly they evade even the maddest of nightmares, nothing of this earth can pale in significance. I have traveled to the brink of death and looked deeply into its blood red eyes; I have traveled to the edge of insanity and peered over into that gaping abyss. I am not like you because I don’t fear death, I have seen it so many times that now it is as familiar to me as the morning sun. I have felt the devils jaws rip away at my flesh, the swords cut through my torso, the car crashes, the heart attacks, the infinite swarms of scorpions.
The first few times I fought it, I tried desperately to fight those demons, to stem the bleeding as slowly light began to fade, and my realization of the last few minutes reflected all of those years past. But always it would end in death. Slowly I began to accept this, I offered no resistance. And now, now that I have seen myself die a myriad of times, it ceases to mystify me, I accept it, I look at its eyes and without blinking I smile for I know that it comes again. A wise man once said that there can be only one death, of this you can be sure. And I experienced mine a few days ago, so that now, when my hour finally comes it will just be a repeat of a previous experience, something not to be feared because I have already borne witness to it.
And for that very reason my life feels fuller, because I live it not in fear or apprehension, I live trying to snatch every valuable second I can before I die for the final time. Death is the end, so I will use life not to prepare for it, but to live what comes before it. I know what it feels like to see death as just another facet of life, to be so used to it that it is merely an association, like the color of a leaf the sound of a bee, I attach no emotion to it, for all that emotion dissipated with the mystery the first times I saw myself die.
One might question whether a man, a witness to such ghastly sights with no fear of death is more dangerous than one cocooning his life in protective wrapping, scared to even venture into the world for fear of harm. This I cannot answer, all I can say is, I am not a man possessed of evil, I intend no harm on anyone who does not wish to harm me, I am reasonable, logical, friendly and happy, I am learned with a well paying professional job and I have no quarrels or qualms on life, I have no time for them.
I wish to talk about an experience I had not long ago, with a plant called Datura Innoxia. This experience took place in my flat in Madrid.
One thing that I wish to say early on about this plant is that it did not make me “trip” as one might associate with LSD and the likes, it does not dissolve my ego or make me see swirls and patterns as I would on acid. This drug brings my dreams into existence, and my nightmares. It presents me with sights, sounds and smells as real as the rising of the sun, such pure hallucinations that cannot be distinguished from reality; the boundary between imagination, dream and reality is irrefutably decimated.
I thought I saw my own death on Acid a few years back, and then Ketamine a few months later, two days ago I learnt this was not the case, I had merely scratched the surface in that bad acid trip and and K hole.
On this drug I am at the mercy of my mind, for it will conjure up things that defy all possibilities, things so bizarre that my common sense screams at me not to believe it, unfortunately Datura hushes away that voice, the voice of reason, of logic, and therefore, I am at the mercy of these things I witness, for no matter how bizarre they seem the realization that these things are as normal will prevail. Chasing furniture that is scurrying around my house, speaking house politics with ironing boards, making sandwiches of orange juice cartons and keys, speaking to friends that have become small and reside in fruit bowls… this is all normal, natural even, as common place as time passing and the moon rising, there is no question of this being too strange to be true. I accept and I believe what my senses tell me.
As one savvy report stated before mine, and phrased with such eloquence.. “It is nothing at all like Acid, and yes....it can kill you in a variety of ways.”
It was about 6:15 when I arrived home, tired from work and in desperate need of a bit of chill time. So I was frustrated when I walked through the door of my flat to find my friend/dealer sitting on the stairs with a big grin. My first instinct was to express my tiredness and escort him out, however the words “I have something new, you haven’t tried it.” escaped his lips before I could manage to produce my sentence. Those words were possibly the only thing he could have said that would have me allow him to stay that night. He must have chosen them wisely.
So we walk into my flat and he produces a few cut up flowers and some vile looking seeds, at first I thought he was humoring me. These bags containing the mushed up contents of some Lilly or something. That was until he mentioned the name, Datura, the name sent off alarm bells, excitement and apprehension. For I knew of this flower, I had read so many reports on its use, I was familiar with the toxicity of atropine after seeing videos of people on the drug. And finally it had ended up in my hands. Was I going to let this chance pass up? Perhaps I should have done, I had work the next day, things to do, commitments.
But no, I immediately took the contents of the flower bag made a tea, ate a teaspoon of seeds, drank the foul tasting concoction trying my best not to gag and then got changed out of my suit. On reflection I think this may have been the appropriate time to call into work sick, however I thought I could probably manage to go into work the next day, as I had not had very much, even in spite of the varying levels of toxic alkaloids found from plant to plant. On reflection I have to say, Ha HAHHAH HAHHA HA! ED YOU KNOB!
Erhem, Right so got changed, chatted to my dealer for a while, until I noticed that movement was becoming increasingly difficult, as was reading anything closer than about two feet from my eyes. These symptoms came on stronger and stronger in waves until I felt something I knew I had felt before, something from my childhood (not that many years ago). I felt exactly as I did when I caught a mild strain of yellow fever, I was extremely hot, extremely dry mouth and sinuses, clammy, my heart was pounding rapidly and I did not feel at all comfortable. I kept checking my heart rate which about 40 mins after ingestion on an empty stomach was reaching peaks of 130bpm. I had just started to notice my dealer had started zoning out and muttering things to himself. I decided to leave him with his internal monologue and lie down on my bed.
I reached my room seeing the occasional figure dart past in my peripheral vision. From the moment I lay down things start to get fairly hazy and confusing. I opened my eyes after having been laying there for what seemed to be 10 minutes attempting to get the nausea to pass. When I opened my eyes I was pleased to see a friend of mine called Luke standing by the door asking whether I was ok, he informed me that everyone was waiting for me. Considering two points this seemed a bit strange. 1. Luke as far as I knew was in the U.K some 2,500Km away and 2. As far as I knew the only people in my flat were me and my dealer. By this point I was completely oblivious to the fact I had taken any kind of drug. The next thing I knew I was in my living room surrounded by friends, some of which I knew to be dead in real life, and most of which live back in Britain, this alarmed me somewhat, not because of who was there but because I thought that my neighbors might get angry at the noise we were making.
After this me and Luke´s girlfriend Laura, took it upon ourselves to cook for my guests. The fairly inedible looking food was still on plates when I had stopped tripping. I did not at any point think it strange that people would disappear and then reappear in different places and indeed as different people, I never questioned the reality of naked people I had never met before asking if they could take a shower. Neither was attempting to restrain a chair with teeth that was attempting to run out of my flat. It is probably worth noting that I never saw my dealer after I went to lie down, it would have been difficult amongst the multitude of people that were there, but I´m pretty certain he had left.
The awesome reality of this delirium was astounding, one of the guests was putting on music from my ipod, an ipod that was in my car, in reality. The music was as real as the sounds I hear around me now, the songs in the playlists were in exact order. There was, in reality, no music on. The smell of perfume and sweat that mingled in the air was real, the conversation I had with a cat that did not exist was real. Switching on the television to have news reporters asking me questions about projects I was handling at work was real. Nothing could have seemed realer.
I think the most notable way to describe what happens under this drug is that it is a series of either major or minor zonings out. One minute I'm doing one thing, or I think I'm doing one thing when I snap back into reality and realize I'm doing something or am somewhere completely different. It´s like a slow oscillating wave constantly shifting from one reality to another one, I would think I was making a sandwich from ham and bread only to find myself trying to bite a chunk out of a squashed empty orange carton with a set of house keys neatly placed on top. I would think that I was smoking, then realize I had no cigarette in my hand, thus leading me to think I had dropped it, then searching and searching and finding no cigarette. All these things rather than seeming odd or scary, were more annoying than anything else.
That night I saw Vietnamise communists hiding in sinks but somehow appearing real size, like as if the whole size ratio was completely muddled up. It is so hard to explain once sober because things that are not physically possible and cannot happen in real life seem perfectly normal. I remember trying to get out of my house after having an argument with my sofa, banging on the door only to zone back in to me banging on the bedroom wall, on the other side of the house.
At some point this trip turned very dark, some things I won’t discuss here however I will give you one example, that caught me off guard. The floor started teeming with venomous insects. Spiders far too large to be real, literally with bodies the size of car tires started descending from what appeared to be holes in the roof. The thing that I remember best was the clarity of their features, a hardened shiny shell with a neon blue motif on their backs, clear defined segments and legs with hairs sprouting off them that looked like razor wire. 8 blackened eyes and mouths that looked like they belonged in hell with pincers and goo dripping onto the floor bugs, this seemed to make the floor creatures more and more agitated, the hissing and chattering noise grew louder and louder it was deafening.
By this point I was 1. Sure the neighbours had heard all the commotion and were getting ready to break in, this alarmed me because I didn’t want them to have to fall prey to these bugs too, and 2. I was concerned that the fate I was about to meet was going to be unnecessarily gruesome.
I felt a drop of moisture on the back of my neck and got ready to jump up and punch whatever was hanging above me as hard as I could. Then suddenly I felt a stab on the back of my neck, almost like a kitchen knife but warmer. I jumped up trying to grab hold of the leg that was on my neck and at that moment I zoned back in again and found myself jumping in an empty room. I laughed at how stupid I was being and for good measure checked for bugs under the sofa. I think it´s at this point that I threw up.. on the floor. I hastily tried to clean it up, I remember starting but then the next memory I have is of being midsentence in the bathroom but not remembering who or what I was speaking to, and having a terrible sense that I had forgotten something terribly important.
Then I zoned back in on the sofa again gagging on something that would later prove to be ice. I had at some point in the night got ice to alleviate the dry mouth, something that worked well until I zoned back in and nearly choked on it. I think this was my last full zoning out. After this I had minor hallucinations but nothing that took me fully out of sync, like to another place. I would imagine objects such as reading the newspaper then I would get distracted and it would disappear. I remember speaking with my mother on the phone a few times. I have left my mobile at work and we have no landline. These effects slowly diminished until I fell into a restless sleep. I awoke still slightly hallucinating, thinking I was doing things which I wasn’t or vice versa. My vision is still very sketchy some 2 days later and the effects lasted a good 26 hours.
A bad trip on acid is like a day out in the park compared to a bad trip on this. On this it is comparable but much much worse, to every one of my worst nightmares being unleashed into my reality and not being able to do anything about it.
Pros – This enabled me to face my demons, destroy phobias and overcome personal problems. The introduction to this story mentioned death, this was a personal phobia growing up for me. I thought I had overcome it with the Acid and Ketamine incidents, I was proved wrong 2 days ago. However after Datura I now know it no longer affects me.
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