Citation: Chazattak. "Tale of the Inexpressible: An Experience with Mushrooms & Nutmeg (exp71623)". Erowid.org. Nov 20, 2009. erowid.org/exp/71623
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This experience was special to me because it was my first time doing mushrooms with someone who had never done them before, and he was my best friend, nonetheless. My friend, codename ‘Matt’, lived 20 miles or so north of Phoenix, on the (literally) edge of the desert. There were Saguaro cacti-covered hills in three directions around us, and beyond those, vast stretches of desert dotted with the occasional hamlet. He had neighbors but they were all pretty chill and far between. As for his house, it was the guest house of his brother’s house, but it was not attached to their house, had 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, shower, laundry, you name it, so we were pretty much alone and capable of being independent.
I drove down to Phoenix from my place in Flagstaff with my friend Dylan. We were going to be hanging with some of his friends in Tempe (southeast Phx). However, we stopped by Matt’s first and after I related to him my previous experiences on Nutmeg, we found some in his cabinet and got ready. This guy is pretty cool, usually down to try anything, really, as long as I tried it a few times and was excited about it, hahah!
I had tried Nutmeg 3 times before this. The first time was with DC. We did about 15 grams each, experienced a mild stoning after four hours, bloodshot eyes, cottonmouth, the whole deal, and by ten hours in we felt like we were heavily stoned but mentally lucid. Second and third times, I was fiendin and it was pretty much the same thing, but on higher dosages, it peaked quicker and plateaued for a longer time. Really, my experiences have been quite typical on ‘meg, and continued to be so. I tend to feel stoned the next day well into the thirty-hour mark, and have no difficulty falling asleep at all.
Shrooms I believe I had done twice before this experience- once with DC on a dayhike in the alpine mountains, another with DC at night at his place. Unlike with LSD, which I did for the first time a few weeks after this experience, I actually get mild hallucinations, more intense with eyes closed. It has a very earthy feel and is more relaxed than with Acid, but the intensity of the headtrip is still there- it just isn’t as important, is all. I was an experienced drug user already, and had no problem dealing with a ‘bad trip’. The only thing that annoyed me about drugs, really, was the social discrimination and lack of proper knowledge, the latter leading to the former.
So he whips out the Nutmeg container- the tin box kind- and we ingest. Slowly. Disgustedly. I took 23 grams, he took 21. Ingestion occurred evenly between about 11- 11:30pm. Me and DC then took off to Tempe, where I hung out with some of his friends and smoked some bud. I left DC and went back to Matt’s place, arriving at about 7pm. This is when I whip out the mushroom brownie- a chocolatey delight containing 3 grams of shroomy goodness! We devour half each and chill. The nutmeg was kicking in damn good. Indeed, I had been trippin balls off the kind bud I smoked in Tempe on the drive back, [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
although when I got to Matt’s it was just the nutmeg affecting me. At least for me, unfortunately Matt wasn’t at my level but he certainly was acting just a little light-headed.
We watched some TV and interacted with his brother and sister for a little, then we parted with them and were on our own for the night. It was 8pm, an hour after mushroom ingestion and nine hours after nutmeg ingestion. I know, I know, the timing was perfect, really. But, I’m just that awesome!
Things started getting a little off. Words began carrying more meaning, facial expressions were set on giggly, and Team America: World Police was on. Now, I have seen this movie before, sober and stoned, and I thought it was funny as hell. But this movie was now the epitome of humanity. I saw clearly the Canadian-branded sarcastic humor, but now, the sarcasm was coming from a place of seriousness and finality. I felt like the directors were truly trying to express something to me with this film at all times, and the fact that they were puppets portraying people did not help this mind trip. I was saying ‘Oh my God!’ instead of ‘Hahah! What the #$@#!’. Me and Matt exchanged shock looks often. And when that blonde actor explained the ‘poop, dicks, and buttholes’ thing, we were in awe, whooping and laughing!
After the movie I decided it was time for a walk man! He didn’t want to go at first, but I told him I was going anyways, and started putting my shoes on. I was trippin out for a second, and next thing I know, he’s at the door, asking me what’s taking so long. My trip buddy was going with me!
We set off into the dark, vivid stillness of the desert night. I felt like this walk was something that was long due. Being outside, in the blackness, surrounded by infinity, we opened up and had some awesome conversations. The nutmeg was definitely in effect here. The cottonmouth was excruciating, and I was a lot more open now. Usually I don’t even bother talking about my trip with people because I feel like I’m on a level above most others, and they couldn’t help me anyways. This drug combination made me see, about halfway through, that the universe is actually coordinated in such a way, energetically, that people or things of any intensity are able to function together at any point, as long as the coordination is willed. Therefor, the reason I felt like I was ‘beyond’ people was because I had given up entirely on benefitting from any intellectual interaction with them, and yes, this did distance me from them, and it is amazing that I could be aware of such a process, but it was useless, if I wanted to benefit from society, to believe I was above others. The Shrooms shifted my awareness to realizations of this nature, but because of the nutmeg, I was too weak to hide the truth from myself like I normally do. What resulted was a synergistic flow of human compatibility!
I didn’t know the area well at all at the time, so it was quite intense for me, but I’m sure Matt wasn’t able to recognize anything, anyways. I could tell by his child-like, disjointed stare that he was ‘there’. Normally an icon of level-headedness, he was struggling to keep his rational world composed. I didn’t pressure him at all- he’s my friend, dangit!
At about ten minutes into the walk, around 10:30pm, it was three and a half hours after shroom ingestion, and about 12 after nutmeg. I turned to him because he asked for my attention. He was cupping something with both hands, but with one side visible. Now, I had been aware of a presence following us as we walked. It felt like a small brown bird on a mission, but when I thought I saw it, it was a jumble of odd shapes that swooped out of my awareness as a hummingbird might, very quick, stopping frequently, but moving all the while. I was amazed to see that Matt had actually had the thing in his hand. I was sure it was it, because I was no longer aware of the bird flying around us, plus, this thing felt exactly like it. It was at first a jumble of nothing that swirled in his hand, blocking his hand from view. I did a double take, telling myself that there’s no way a black nothingness could really exist, and examined it closely. “You see the little guy?” Matt asked, his hand now open but cupped with fingers stretched flat.
“That little black thing? I thought it was a bird.” I looked at it, now a black speck that appeared to be climbing down his finger but never actually moving.
“It is a bird. Now it’s a black dot though.” He answered. None of this shocked me in the least. Finally, the little bird’s time was up so he let it go. He claimed it continued to follow us, maybe it did, but I didn’t feel like thinking about the thing, really. We saw a bunch of plants and old junk that wasn’t there the next day, Matt thought he saw people staring at us from a house and I had to demand him not to go over there and attack them, and finally we got to a road that led straight into the desert. He wanted to go back, but I said this was where it was happening, that we had to go a little farther from here. He followed me, possibly for the sake of companionship alone, and after twenty feet, the wind picked up.
It wasn’t the normal wind- this was the Dark Wind, the one that blows when ‘magical’ things are about to happen. I felt it rippling around my feet first, then it became aware of me and turned around, blasting me just lightly around the chest and face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a bear, and with a yell, jumped backwards into a defensive stance. Another double-take, and I realized it was just sagebrush, rippling fiercely in the wind that now blew loudly all around us. Matt asked what I just saw and I told him. He said he didn’t know what he saw but when I told him I thought it was a bear, he agreed, saying it felt just like one.
Now, you might ask, how could something feel like a bear? Imagine a bear standing up suddenly in the field of vision to your left, then coming down quickly to break into a run after you. That’s how it feels. If it was a zebra, it wouldn’t be the same, right? Different feelings. All just blunted versions of a dinosaur fierceness- at least, that’s how it ‘feels’ to me.
It was at this time that I told Matt to wait, and I walked forward. This was my time now, at the breaking point of the magic. Time to pull up the sleeves! Walking forward, my visual awareness diminished, and it seemed as though my awareness was being turned towards a strange sense of feeling. The wind was something that signaled the opening of a door, and by embracing it with my awareness, and not thinking, of course, it actually was blowing me through that door, into a blasting tunnel of intensity. I felt my clothes being whipped wantonly off my figure, as if they were no longer able to hold onto my physical form. If Matt was not there, I would have let go entirely. I did this later, my first time on Acid, and my jacket actually did whip off me, and I was sucked into the universal vagina, before desperately realizing the finality of the situation, and I jumped back, ashamed, into my homeworld. This time, however, I kind of just had ‘foreplay’ with the forces of infinity, no real ‘penetration’ hahah!
I asked him what he saw and he said I just became harder and harder to see, that it looked like I was shrinking. This pleased me immensely- human beings could indeed become magical! Perhaps they were already! I was, for a moment, just like that inexplicable black dot, and then I came back! How amazing!! A pity such a thing is not even considered seriously by our society... then again, our attention’s placement does not permit it, anyways. How lame man!
We headed back, a little more downtrodden, like we just got scolded. When we got back, we watched reality shows and they were actually pretty damn funny. After a while, we were pretty much not tripping at any appreciable level, and I went into a room to pass out. It took a while, and I thought there was an intruder at first: I heard him creeping around, and when I was CERTAIN that someone just came in my room I yelled for Matt like a little girl, thinking that maybe he was killed first, but what else could I do?! I then jumped up, fiercely, and continued yelling his name. He answered from the bathroom, and when I opened the door he was getting up from the ground, laughing. I asked him what the hell was going on, explained that I thought he was an intruder, and he just told me he was going to take a piss but he passed out. There’s no real way for me to explain what happened, yet, but I still think about the incident from time to time.
Next day? Woke up feeling great. Had a killer breakfast, drove back, feeling accomplished, with DC, and got a lot done. Your typical perfect day.
My shroom trip was different with the ‘meg in my system, with both peaking at around the same times- I was more open and relaxed, less worried, and a whole lot more cottonmouthed! And, I didn't feel as stoned the next day. Go for it!
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