Uncomfortable in My Own Head and Skin
MDMA & Alcohol - Hard
Citation:   xperfume. "Uncomfortable in My Own Head and Skin: An Experience with MDMA & Alcohol - Hard (exp71575)". Erowid.org. Mar 28, 2019. erowid.org/exp/71575

T+ 0:00
.5 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  T+ 3:00 .25 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  T+ 5:00 .25 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  T+ 6:00 .25 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  T+ 0:00   repeated oral Alcohol - Beer/Wine (liquid)
A Special Trip for a Special Occasion

First let me introduce myself. I'm a 20 years old white girl and my drug experience (from 15 years old) includes cannabis used on and off (almost every day for months and then stopped and started again), shrooms, speed and a pill I was sold as MDMA but that had no effect on me. I have always been very thin and I know that when I use something new I have to take much less than the average dose. Also, alcohol affects me greatly for small quantities. I have also had a past of social anxiety and panic attacks but it had gotten better during the past years (and some therapy).

Now I had decided to do something special for my 20th birthday and since I had always been interested in trying ecstasy (not counting that red flour pill..) I thought that it could be a great occasion to do it. I prepared myself and had enough sleep the previous days and ate more vegetables/fruits than usual. I wanted to be in great shape. Before the experience, I made sure I ate a good meal.

We were 6 to take ecstasy that night. My boyfriend (let's call him J) and I had bought 3 pills called 'chummy chummy' and 3 other pills called 'fox' for us two. I was a little nervous because we didn't know how pure they were
I was a little nervous because we didn't know how pure they were
, but J had tried a 'fox' in the past and said it was a very good experience so I trusted him (and hoped It was the same stuff).

At first I decided to take ¼ of each of the pills. When I first started to feel the effects, we were playing cards and I felt like I was smiling for nothing. I was content with myself and felt that my clothes were very comfortable. Colors were prettier, too. I was drinking alcohol by then and didn't really feel it. At one point, me and my best friend had a misunderstanding and we began crying and saying sorry and that we loved eachother. We were all sitting around one table and everybody were listening to the conversation, but it didn't matter and for someone with social anxiety, it was to remember.

As the time went by, the alcohol overpowered the smooth ecstasy feeling and me and J decided to take more. For some reason, I had a feeling that it was the fox pill that made me feel so good and I decided to take another 1/4 . It took about 45 minutes to kick in. By then, I didn't feel the alcohol. I was speaking with J and a friend when suddenly I felt like something was going up inside of me. Like a panic attack, but very weird because I was not anxious prior to this second. Anyway, it started in my stomach and went up very quickly to my heart and then my throat and my head. I remember getting scared that my head would explode. At this point, I was very high and felt the buzz to be close to too much. I got up and said I had to go to the bathroom. J followed, smiling, and said that he knew exactly the moment it kicked in just from the look on my face. I was sweating and he reassured me that it was the peak and that I would be okay. We went back to the living room and I got used to the feeling and was having fun again. I continued drinking from then.

About 2 hours later, I came down and felt drunk. I took another ¼ pill and sadly when it kicked in it gave me the same 'too much' feeling but I stomached it, telling myself it would pass. This is when the experience becomes weird. The high was going up and down in waves. I would start to feel tired and coming down and suddenly I would feel this rush to the head. I then started to hallucinate. It was like I didn’t perceive things the same anymore. For example, I would be disgusted by the fact that the tv was very larger than someone's head, while knowing that it's completely normal. I would kiss my boyfriend, but it felt disgusting. I remember 2-3 friends switching to the 'chummy' pill because they said that the 'fox' one was too much.

I was feeling like shit by then and everything was grey and sad. It was 4 am and everyone decided to call it a night. I went in the room I was supposed to sleep in and just sat against the wall and switched the light on and off a couple of times. I was very uncomfortable in my own head and skin.
I went in the room I was supposed to sleep in and just sat against the wall and switched the light on and off a couple of times. I was very uncomfortable in my own head and skin.
I tried sleeping, but I had closed eyes visuals and my mind was racing. J was smoking pot with the rest of the people and was supposed to come after. When he finally came, I told him I would never take that fox pill again and that I needed him to talk me through that comedown until I could sleep. At this point, we decided to have sex and we successfully made love for the next 2 hours. By then, I was feeling a lot better and we could finally sleep.

I started school the following week and I felt depressed for a couple of days. I remember crying a lot and I only made the link to ecstasy a month later. I consider that night's experience as a little bit difficult, but I haven’t lost my faith in mdma. I still have the remaining ¾ chummy pill and plan on using it alone soon for an introspective experience. I would be very curious to know if it really was mdma…

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 71575
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Mar 28, 2019Views: 1,628
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Alcohol - Beer/Wine (199), MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Hangover / Days After (46), Sex Discussion (14), What Was in That? (26), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), First Times (2), General (1)

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