Citation: Ellie. "If You Need to Laugh – Laugh!: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp71115)". Erowid.org. Apr 9, 2017. erowid.org/exp/71115
Nervous First Salvia Trip
This was written as the effects of my first Salvia Divinorum trip was wearing off. I got the motivation / feeling welling up inside me that I just had to write. I initially intended to write a story, but as the effects of salvia wore off, I realised I was writing the reality. The 'story' section lasts for the whole of the first paragraph!
I took this dose at home, listening to some gentle reflective music. The day before, I took a pinch of salvia sublingually. What follows, is what happened...
The Shaman kneels at the side of the bed I am reclining on. This is uncharted territory for me and he smiles at me – lessening my nerves.
Carefully and conscientiously he fills the bowl of the pipe. Handing it to me, I take it and wonder what to do with it. “Just breathe – don’t go mad, just gently”.
How hard can that be? It suddenly feels like I’ve forgotten how to breathe. Nervously I ready myself to co-ordinate with my shaman lighting the match to the pipe bowl.
As I inhale, I wonder what’s going through his mind. I get a picture of him handing his lady a pipe full of wonder, to set her off on a journey that will take her to new and exciting, mind opening places. I think he feels privileged to share this with me, and we’re both facing the experience reverentially.
I feel a little inadequate. I don’t know what to expect and I’m finding it hard to let go, to let the experience take me where I need to go.
I inhale, and it’s hot – I want to cough, but don’t want to waste the precious haze. As instructed, I put my head back and wait…
Nothing seems to happen. I get a faint buzzy feeling in my arms and legs and then a giggle escapes. Due to nerves? No, more giggles escape and this is the giggle stage. I try to stop them with my hand over my mouth.
“Let them out, if you need to laugh – laugh!”
It all seems so funny, yet my research into this says that this is more of a substance to teach me what I need, to help one explore rather than a giggly drug. I almost wish I hadn’t read about other people’s experiences before trying it.
I almost wish I hadn’t read about other people’s experiences before trying it.
Yet the control freak in me wanted to know what was going to happen before it did.
I worry again about laughing, I want to be past this, move onto something life changing, or just really introspective that will enable me to move past and deal with certain blocks in my past life.
Another pipe is in order. Again, he fills the bowl and hands me the pipe. I’m worried about not feeling anything; I’m worried about wasting the precious material.
I inhale. Again the hotness almost makes me cough immediately. I lie back. The music seems to get louder, or is that because I’m searching for things to happen?
Nothing seems to happen after this draw. I start to feel a little disappointed. My shaman takes control and decides to reinstruct me on my pipe drawing method.
This time, he doesn’t put as much in the bowl, this means he has to hold the lighter over it for less time, and I can draw a little less of the smoke into my lungs to hold it there – instead of the little old lady puffs and blows on a cheap nasty cigarette – treat this more like expensive whisky – I don’t need a lot, but I can keep it in my mouth (or lungs) without it burning me to a coughing fit.
The music does change slightly. I change position to be lying slightly on my side, and as I do gravity seems somewhat altered.
As soon as I settle, it reorders itself. I can feel the air surrounding my hands – that’s not to say I can feel the air around my hands upon my hands, but almost like the aura that surrounds a living thing, I could feel the air about an inch around my hands. It seemed to feel stronger on my palms.
“Try turning your Reiki on?” my shaman suggest.
“No. Well, I’m not sure I can consciously turn it off, but I don’t want to consciously turn it on either”. I’m still trying to find a common ground, or reconciliate between being able to facilitate Reiki energy and taking alternative substances. They should both be treated deferentially, and at the moment I’m not sure they should be mixed.
I play with the feelings in my hands for a little while, and I start then to trace infinity shapes on my hands. I feel as though, even though I don’t start the Reiki going, I can see fantastic streams and swirls and twirls of light and sparkles flowing from my palms.
It feels good that I can imagine seeing them. For as long as I can remember, I imagine in words. I think I even dream in words sometimes. When I try to visualise something in my head, I have to be telling myself a narrative that goes along with it.
“Would you like another?”
“No, but yes.” I don’t know why I’m unsure. I think I know I’m on the edge where reality as I see it could get distorted. Being the control freak that I can be, I’m not sure how I’d cope with it – even though it’s something I want to experience.
“Come on then – one last pipe please”. I go for it – let's just see what happens.
Doing the same thing as last time, I’m able to inhale and hold it deep in my lungs. I open my eyes slightly and see smoke escaping from my nose after a while – so I release the miasma from my lungs.
I look past my shaman to the rest of the room. The angles all seem to be wrong, like a crazy house. Then, as I explore that with my eyes, my brain takes over and puts it right again. I shake my head slightly, annoyed that the visual was rectified, and I risk another peek. I want to see reality altered, and am afraid that my brain won’t let me.
Reality is altered again. Again, as I keep looking my head re-orders the unordered reality. I quickly close my eyes and start to breathe deeply.
I start to spin, anticlockwise – I always spin anticlockwise when self treating with Reiki.
I feel like I’m facing a wall of trees growing close together. They look green, I can’t tell if they’re trees or if it’s bamboo.
I open my eyes to tell my shaman about it, but the spinning feeling dissipates, and the green stems disappear. He has his eyes closed, off in his own little world, seeing and feeling his own experience.
I am disappointed, I want to share this with him as I share everything with him. I realise the only way I can do that, is to experience and then tell him afterwards.
I breathe again and the spinning gradually takes force once more. However, I can’t get back to the green branch grove. I let the feeling take me where it will, and resolve next time to let it take over from the start.
It starts to fade and I slowly come back to “this” reality. Opening my eyes, my shaman is still by my side, and he looks at me.
“Are you ok?” I half smile and grin at him and nod.
We talk about what happened briefly, but we’re both feeling a little reflective. I want to just feel, just be. I think that of all the things I’ve tried this far, this substance is the most dangerous for me. I like being reflective, I like the feeling I had after that fourth pipe.
I like the feeling I had after that fourth pipe.
He stands to get me a drink. As he leaves the room, he asks me “Does the top of your head feel funny?”
I think about it for a moment, puzzled as to why he asked that, and how he knew my head did feel a touch weird. I realise I’m sitting with one elbow resting on the top of the sofa, and my hand resting atop my head.
“Yes” I answer. “It’s because my hand is on it”.
He laughs and walks out into the kitchen.
Maybe this substance isn’t all about solemnity and reverence. Maybe it is truly a teaching-healing plant. I will learn about myself, but it doesn’t have to be always so serious.
The main thing I take from this experience that I can apply to my life as it is – is to not be so solemn, have fun, and laugh!
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